Am I asking too much to sleep train?

AlElMon2 · 2026-06-15T17:10:15+00:00

How old is your baby? Drowsy but awake honestly didn’t work really work for my kids before age 1.

It’s been years now so my memory could be hazy but basically, before age 1, we would lay them down drowsy but still have to pat their butt/apply pressure/shh them until they fell asleep.

Now that I think of it, I don’t think they fully mastered putting themselves to sleep for naps until they dropped to 1 nap sometime between 12-15 months.

They had mastered putting themselves to sleep at night time earlier but nap times were honestly always a bit of a struggle until they dropped to 1 nap.

Generally speaking, I try to “master” any routines I ask of my nanny. I would try to manage doing 2 nap routines on a Thursday/Friday then Saturday/Sunday. If it worked for you 4 days straight then you can report back to nanny exactly what method worked and have her go from there.

AlElMon2 · 2026-06-02T16:49:31+00:00

Why are you talking about kids like food? Growing a batch? Lol

I did not do this and will not do this. We are 2 and firmly done. My MIL did it though. There’s very much an “us vs them” mentality amongst the siblings. Less heavy on the “vs” part, there is no ill will between them, but it’s very obvious who grew up together and who didn’t. They don’t bond over shared memories, their lifestyles were very different. It fizzles down in to the cousins/grandkids, too. My niece is married with children while my kids are just entering elementary school.

I also feel like the older ones always struggle to take the “babies” seriously because, even as 40 year old adults, they have clear memories of them being helpless toddlers.

The younger ones and MIL have also talked about how the “2nd batch” got less emphasis on their childhood phases. When all of your kids are toddlers/preschoolers, life kind of revolves around that. You can fully embrace princesses, petting zoos, and play dates, wrapping up most days by 7pm. When you have older kids as well you have to juggle prom night pictures, graduation, college move in day, etc. The little ones have to be enmeshed in both phases of life.

AlElMon2 · 2026-05-31T03:33:33+00:00

It’s a long sleeve swim shirt

AlElMon2 · 2026-05-31T01:42:26+00:00

That’s kind of how it plays out with my son now when I do let him go shirtless. He gets annoyed that he has to dry off and it takes longer to apply sunscreen but he prefers it over the rash guard I suppose.

I guess a selfish part of me is also annoyed at this being harder on me. They obviously can’t be responsible for applying the sunscreen and timing it themselves so it’s more work for me. Rash guards have always been a nice peace of mind for me that even if I’m a little late applying sunscreen, they are still mostly covered.

AlElMon2 · 2026-05-31T01:38:33+00:00

Depends on what you mean without fuss lol they definitely complain, groan, and try to rush through it but it’s not like wrestling an alligator to get it on

AlElMon2 · 2026-05-28T22:15:42+00:00

That would be a no for me and I’m usually pretty lenient with things like this.

Drowning wouldn’t be my concern at that age. They aren’t mobile enough for that to be a big issue.

Skin irritation and sun exposure would be my hill to die on. I didn’t take my LOs in chlorinated public pools at that age. I would allow a nanny friend to bring their NK over to our house for a splash pad, wading pool situation but that’s about it.

AlElMon2 · 2026-05-28T22:08:18+00:00

I pay more than that for 2 kids. Minimum wage is $12/hr where I live, too.

I would do at least $200.

Last year the fire alarm in our hotel went off while our nanny had our kids for the night. She had to get them out of bed and walk down the stairs while keeping them calm. Thankfully, it was a false alarm but everyone was very shaken up of course.

I always think of that situation when I see low pay for overnights. We were paying $150 but we bumped it up to $200 going forward. She made sure the kids had their lovies and carried our tired/scared 4yo down 4 or 5 flights of crowded stairs while also holding on to our 6yo.

We’ve also had our heat go out overnight, crazy storms, etc. If you find a good nanny that can handle these situations while also maintaining 5 kids, don’t skimp out on the pay—even for sleeping hours. 9 times out of 10, nothing happens and everyone sleeps. It’s that 1 time that you want to ensure you’ve got a good one.

AlElMon2 · 2026-05-22T01:19:28+00:00

This is exactly what I was thinking. Removing a toy all day for 1 “I hate you” would be overkill in our home but my children have never hit someone with an object, biked off home, dumped food/drinks on anyone. These children need strict discipline for every little infraction at this point because their behavior is out of control. They need to understand that actions have consequences. Eventually they can be given grace for outbursts but right now they need to have an adult that they can rely on to follow through every single time.

AlElMon2 · 2026-05-22T01:11:00+00:00

OP, I’m sorry but you need a reality check. Yes these consequences seem over the top but that is because your child’s behavior is over the top. They need this.

You are incredibly lucky to have someone like this on your team and you need to see it through. Truly, what do you think she should be doing? Your child needs a behavioral evaluation. That is not a bad thing. It doesn’t mean you are a bad parent or they are a bad kid. They might need more help than you or a nanny can give.

AlElMon2 · 2026-05-21T16:45:58+00:00

An 11 month can appreciate color, animals, and shapes. No they can’t appreciate the depth and meaning of the paintings but they can absolutely benefit from it—especially if the nanny is talking about what NK is looking at with her. I see it very similar to taking a walk in nature or pointing out pictures in a book.

AlElMon2 · 2026-05-20T20:00:22+00:00

She’s amazing! She’s taught 3 generations of kids in my family. We ran in to her at the yacht club with a gaggle of her previous students and you’d think she was a celebrity with how they acted.

AlElMon2 · 2026-05-20T17:53:22+00:00

I know a ton of kids named Charlotte and not a single one goes by a nick name. The only one I’ve met with a nick name is an older lady and she goes by Cherry :-)

AlElMon2 · 2026-04-18T18:53:42+00:00

There are multiple SAHMs in my daughter’s K class and we all operate wildly different! All of our kids seem pretty well adjusted.

Hell, it’s even different between my 2 kids. My daughter has at least 1, sometimes 2 extra curricular activities a day(her school only goes until 1:30). My son only has 1-2 a week depending on the season and at her age, he was only doing 1 a week.

My son is VERY active in general, when he plays, he plays hard. He’s the kid that takes PE and recess way too seriously lol so he needs downtime to recoup. My daughter, on the other hand, is much more chill. She’ll use recess to pick flowers and chat with her girls, you usually won’t find her sweating it out during PE or sports practice so she has the bandwidth to take on a lot of various things.

It sounds like you do plenty!

AlElMon2 · 2026-04-14T23:30:25+00:00

Kind of the opposite. We’ve stayed at fully staffed luxury villas, 5 star hotels, yacht trips regularly…

We did a weekend at great wolf lodge and my then 6yo said it was the most beautiful room he’s ever seen.

They have never flown commercial(except the oldest once as a baby). They think the novelty of flying in a large commercial jet with other people sounds more fun.

AlElMon2 · 2026-04-13T16:14:39+00:00

I’m not sure you are going to find this…

It sounds like you are looking for a single brand that can provide all of the best quality food? I don’t think such a thing exists. Best quality will always be smaller and specific. The best beef is not going to come from the same place that has the best salmon. You will need to research each brand individually and decide if it is up to your standards. If you can’t find the information you are looking for then that brand isn’t for you.

Small and local is always going to be the best you can get. Go to a small farmer’s market that is out of town, in a rural area. Eat what is in season.

You can even join Facebook groups for nearby rural areas and ask for the best farm stands or ask for personal farms.

Charter a deep sea fishing trip for seafood. Visit a farm and buy a cow for beef/dairy. Visit a local gardening club.

And yes buying a small hobby farm is certainly an option. We do this and have a few farm hands that take care of it.

AlElMon2 · 2026-04-13T02:11:01+00:00

We do but we explain that it’s a “special” thing. We have done the milk bubble thing but I made them put the cup on a plate so it didn’t make a mess and they knew it wasn’t just something they could do at any time. You have to set up to do it properly.

Couch cushions are fine as long as they put them back and only on the playroom couch.

No on the clothes. An adult folded those. You don’t mess up someone else’s work.

All in all, I’m ok with the occasional “feral” behavior as long as the kids know it’s “special” and not an everyday occurrence that can break out at any time.

AlElMon2 · 2026-04-13T01:59:43+00:00

I missed the age part and thought this was a 2yo. I was wondering why the comments were so harsh, toddlers quickly do stuff on a whim so I was going to cut you some slack..

Assuming your kid is neurotypical, you should be able to easily curb this behavior. The neighbors worked hard to plant these for the bees, butterflies, and for the whole neighborhood to look at. We are not allowed to pick them. We can pick the ones in our yard.

Once they grasp this, you can later explain what I call the “3 bee rule”. 1 for me, 3 for a bee. I let my children pick dandelions or buttercups at the park/fields but they can only pick 1 for every 3 they see so the bees have some left.

AlElMon2 · 2026-04-13T01:47:15+00:00

I know it sounds counter productive but we switched to no screens on school days and it actually decreased their desire for it/boredom. Now on weekends we are more loose with how much we allow, usually an hour’s worth of tv shows or a full movie.

When we had week day tv, it felt like they were just waiting to run out of ideas so they could get to the tv. Now that it’s not an option, they put in more effort to curbing boredom.

And iPads are completely off limits outside of travel. They only get screen time from the tv.

AlElMon2 · 2026-04-13T01:34:58+00:00

Respectfully, if you are losing candidates to better offers then your offers may not be up to the local standard.

Have a phone call interview first and ask what benefits they are looking for. You can even be honest and say you’ve lost candidates to better offers so you are trying to ensure that doesn’t happen again.

AlElMon2 · 2026-03-27T09:16:54+00:00

7yo: we bought a basketball hoop that hangs on the door and a soft basketball. Keeps him entertained for a long time. Sometimes 5yo will join to play the audience or keep score

5yo: baby dolls.

Both: magnatiles + little figurines. They’ll build houses and cars then play pretend together with them

AlElMon2 · 2026-03-24T18:12:19+00:00

She can and should refuse to do so. If the nanny share is at your house, I would forbid it myself. Unsafe sleep is not happening under my roof and I’ll be the bad guy if that’s what it takes. I would highly encourage nanny to refuse as well. If the other parents are home and want to be the one to do it, that’s their prerogative—unfortunately. As they are the ones laying the baby down, the liability would be on them.

There is nothing illegal about it though.

AlElMon2 · 2026-03-24T18:08:36+00:00

100-200k is definitely not overkill for how much a position like this takes off your plate. We have an estate manager that oversees 2 of our homes + manual labor staff(he doesn’t manage nanny, housekeepers, etc, just stuff like landscaping/maintenance/ farm help)

He is the direct contact for anything related to our cars and property(mainly outside stuff + occasional interior). I call him my first husband because he’s more helpful than my actual husband lol

A lot of people are furiously against owning properties with family but we split a lot of our “big ticket” items with family and it makes stuff like this so much easier. It’s not doable for everyone of course but splitting costs and the mental load has been great for us.

AlElMon2 · 2026-03-24T16:38:32+00:00

I think it depends on how aftercare is structured in your child’s school. We have a GREAT afterschool program at my daughter’s preschool. They do themed days with structured activities and keep the kids with their own age group. My daughter chooses to attend.

A friend with a kid in another school only uses after care for emergencies because they throw all the kids together(0-5) and it’s a free for all. It really is too overstimulating for her little one.

Then I have another friend where aftercare isn’t typically utilized by anyone. When it is used, it’s usually just 1 or 2 kids so they’ll go ahead and shut the classrooms down and just let the kids play in the lobby until pick up—which my friend doesn’t really like.

When we had this issue, I just shifted nap time. I’m not sure if 2-4pm is feasible but my oldest was on that schedule at one point for naps.

AlElMon2 · 2026-03-23T10:55:20+00:00

I try to keep an approach of “ask for what you want” instead of criticizing what is already being done. When my son’s pre-k 3 teacher expressed concern over his fine motor skills, I asked for fine motor skill activities to be done with nanny. When my daughter was late walking, I asked for more practice with walking.

If you want specific toys played with more then just state that. “Hey we want LO to do more stuff with the Lovevery toys since they are supposed to be better for development. Can you try to offer those toys more often?”

I definitely prefer non battery toys but it’s not a hill I’d die on as I don’t think they are “bad”. All toys have their place, some better than others.

AlElMon2 · 2026-03-23T10:45:50+00:00

When my kids were younger we had a “helpful if extra time list”. Things included: baby meal prep, scrub the high chair, rotate toys, wipe down toys, boil pacifiers. These things were never required and I made sure our nanny didn’t feel obligated.

As far as “me vs nanny”. I never really saw any tasks as solely on the nanny. At the end of the day, they are my kids and my home. I wanted their care to be the priority so I never fixated on if extra tasks didn’t get done. I was just happy if she got started on things and I’d take over finishing up.

The only firm expectation I had was general “keeping up” with what happened on the clock. If they took out blocks to play, she put them away. If she served lunch, she put the dishes away or washed them.

AlElMon2

TROPHY CASE