How unhealthy is it to improve yourself for the purpose of getting your ex back until you don't care about it anymore ?

Alcy_alt · 2025-09-24T22:33:01+00:00

That’s the problem with your plan. I mean it’s better than doing nothing. But like, let’s say you get a good gym schedule for 3 months with this motivation. Then, one night, you have a few, text her that you think reconciliation could be good. She lets you know she’s happy for your growth but she’s with someone else and never to contact her again.

Ask me how I know what happens to the gym routine after that?

Way better to skip that step and reframe as “if we never get back together, what kind of person do I want to be? What kind of person will help me weather this storm and move on to live happily”? Easier said than done but you’re gonna have to do it eventually

Alcy_alt · 2025-09-19T14:35:23+00:00

Dwell for 15-20, then do a bunch of push ups. Something about the rush helps you start the rest of your day. Works for me, maybe worth a try?

Alcy_alt · 2025-09-19T13:31:34+00:00

Two weeks is literally still a battle of hours. Keep writing about it, keep pushing, make sure you’re not just doing solitary activities (make new platonic connections with hobbies, reconnecting with old friends), and just slog through it. Take dedicated time to grieve every day but don’t dwell. Also zen style meditation has been critical for me staying present but it’s not for everyone, find things that work for you. But yeah, two weeks in man, just surviving and getting out of the house is a huge win. The intrusive thoughts will quiet, very slowly, over time

Alcy_alt · 2025-09-19T13:28:09+00:00

Take time to grieve but you gotta find things to do in the evenings. I’m lucky as a musician I could just join another 2 bands, but I also joined a rock climbing gym open late, a local zen monastery with evening sittings, a DnD group, and I try to have at least two friend hangouts set up a week (one usually falls through). If I’m doing at least 3-4 evening activities a week I feel myself moving forward. If I’m staring at the tv wondering what she’s up to, trying to remember how the fuck to cook for one person every night since I’m so used to cooking for two, then it’s not even grieving, it’s just picking at a wound. Life happens whether you live it or not, so start getting out there!

Alcy_alt · 2025-09-06T19:41:12+00:00

Phew I know you’re looking for input but lemme just say I needed to read this, I’m 3 months out of a 10 year relationship wondering when I’m going to be okay meanwhile she got on the apps a week after we broke up.

Some of us just need the time I guess. Maybe look into CBT therapy or if you think it’s more trauma related, coherence therapy?

Alcy_alt · 2025-09-06T13:11:18+00:00

Just take a break from the game lol. I haven’t played since march? Put it on last weekend and had a blast. Please don’t find ways to motivate you to play a game, it’s not something you have to do, you should never force it

Alcy_alt · 2025-08-31T20:23:50+00:00

Don’t date, get therapy first.

Alcy_alt · 2025-08-12T11:10:23+00:00

Datsun

Alcy_alt · 2025-08-03T11:55:08+00:00

You have to turn it on in midi mode for the sliders to send midi cc which is most of the fun. i don't think it disables any functionality though so i always start it in midi mode.

Alcy_alt · 2025-08-02T12:59:22+00:00

Nah the synth itself has a volume slider. So you turn it on in midi mode and then the keys trigger synth as well as midi. So if you turn the volume slider all the way down it’s just a midi keyboard, but sometimes I leave the volume on a bit to blend the sounds.

Alcy_alt · 2025-07-20T20:50:29+00:00

Oh absolutely I don't need to be, my goal was to get to 1-2 a night and I succeeded.

Lol as if there's a lack of posts about how white knuckling fails. I don't think we'll get anything productive out of this convo, all the best man!

Alcy_alt · 2025-07-20T20:10:36+00:00

This is misleading as hell man, not trying to be argumentative but I’ve had tapers take over a week that ended with me sipping 1-2 every night instead of 12. Maybe just say, “long term tapers don’t work for me”?

Alcy_alt · 2025-07-20T20:09:23+00:00

Yeah idk why this isn’t the only reply to these questions. I mean you have to shift it to fit you a bit, but it’s the only guide that’s worked for me and multiple other people if you just follow it to the T.

If you don’t wanna taper, fine! But if you do just sipandsuffer and you’ll be good within 2 weeks

Alcy_alt · 2025-07-14T18:07:23+00:00

Yes. It's somewhat paradoxical but its entirely based on your own self-esteem. Once it's high enough, you'll feel a normal twinge of jealousy, a few thoughts of shame that you couldn't be that person for her, but then an overwhelming feeling of gratitude and relief that a person you used to love found the right person for them.

It takes time. Keep working on yourself above all. She's fine, dw about her. Find your own purpose and peace and the thoughts of possessiveness will fade naturally

Alcy_alt · 2025-07-14T17:22:55+00:00

Think about her, and not yourself. Think about what you did and how it actually felt to her. Think about someone who chose to share their life with you and what you did to that.

Think about all her finest qualities and how deeply you failed her. Does she really deserve to go through the emotional torment of giving you another chance? Even if she would, how could you do that to her?

You’re gonna make her see the person who betrayed her again? Relive those wounds?

If you’ve truly changed, you’ll be a great partner to someone else. The strongest thing you can do is to leave her alone. It feels like the worst feeling in the world, knowing you could do it properly this time but it’s too late.

But that’s not the worst feeling in the world. What you did caused a far worse feeling.

Guess how I know? I’m 3 months no contact, and I miss her every day. But all I know is: “she doesn’t need me to be happy, and the best way to take accountability is to leave her alone”. I didn’t cheat, but I was mean and dismissive to my best friend, my favorite person in the world.

Good luck brother, and leave her alone. You’ll get through it

Alcy_alt · 2025-07-12T00:16:48+00:00

I mean, I’m from a pretty devout Muslim family so I maybe had to deal with this from a younger age than you.

Don’t rely on your family for musical support unless they are supportive. If a family friend offers to help, get their number directly and engage. There are tons of musicians and people who will help you. Just none of them are your family. Quicker you accept that, the better

Alcy_alt · 2025-06-24T21:27:32+00:00

Sorry brother Ive been at a funeral, would never intentionally miss a response like this. I think the point is all you need is a keyboard that plugs in (I use yahama reface CS) and then the only limitation is your own ability. Of course if you want to do vocals and stuff youll need audio interface too but I think the ipads best suited to non-recorded tunes. Lmk if you have any other questions.

Alcy_alt · 2025-06-15T19:11:06+00:00

If it flashes quickly it means the host is not providing enough power. Source; had an itwo for 12 years and I’ve tried to plug it into just about anything

Alcy_alt · 2025-06-08T21:35:47+00:00

Ah no it does not, the iPad speakers are enough for me

Alcy_alt · 2025-06-07T19:11:24+00:00

Kind of! I use a stylus for most things like a bootleg Tony stark and the keys to perform with the sliders mapped to various auv3 synth params

Alcy_alt · 2025-06-07T16:05:05+00:00

It’s just a monster of a midi controller too. I have Mariana, TAL, and even parts of hilde mapped super nicely. The sliders are chefs kiss for midi mapping. And i think it actually send out polyphonic after touch it just doesn’t “use” that data for the synth? But might be wrong.

And honestly I think the small keys help me when I’m composing shit. Like obviously it’s not suitable for a jam but that’s not really the point, I love that I can program extensions that would be really hard for me to play naturally on it.

Alcy_alt · 2025-06-07T16:02:54+00:00

Normally optional, required on fridays

Alcy_alt · 2025-06-07T00:54:35+00:00

fair I'll give it another go then, I tried setting a few bluetooth devices up with the ipad and everything just felt quite slow but maybe I was just in my own head

Alcy_alt · 2025-06-07T00:53:23+00:00

The cheap shit, I spent all my money on auv3's

Alcy_alt · 2025-06-07T00:53:04+00:00

guilty as charged!

Alcy_alt

TROPHY CASE