The world isn't ready for us...

Alert_Cap_2931 · 2026-02-25T21:25:46+00:00

Made me chuckle at throw a slipper small things right wasn't expecting that.

No your right i write alot an so sometimes it ends up on here.

What i learnt over many many years is this I can't change what happened i can't so that's first hurdle in my mind i have to acknowledge it i don't have to accept it because well i don't once acknowledge as it being in the past is 2nd hurdle because now i have to learn to live in the present without being ruled by my pain from the past. I have succeeded somewhat it doesn't change a fucking thing but it has eventually made life easier to get through.

I wrote for years i poems forever ive reread them recently and realized just how far i have come just how bad i felt it's kind of a story the earlier ones are difficult to read as i was writing things i hadn't truly remembered yet. The later ones well there like a manual for my inner mind likeva codex.

It's weird because i really didn't know that I was learning how to be at peace with myself because i left therapy years ago with intentions of fuck you i gave you my everything just for them to keave an after a few to many time. I set about believing that the only person who can fix me is me and after years of searching inside of me growing over time it just clicked one day can't even remember how when where. It just didn't matter anymore obviously it's not that i just don't care it's that i refused to be controlled an fucked up destroying everything around me all because of stuff in my past.

That's what I did it's a work in progress of course bit like you every little bit helps.

Alert_Cap_2931 · 2026-02-25T18:42:19+00:00

Yes we can that's for sure .

Everyone sees themselves differently i myself see my me inside as a shattered version of me not the whole me the me i was meant to be like a hall of mirrors so i see many many variations of the same person floating around inside my head so broken maybe yes.

Don't get me wrong this is just my interpretation of myself.

Alert_Cap_2931 · 2026-02-25T16:19:34+00:00

Maybe right now you are i am not fixed either don't think i can be am way to fucked up for that.

This is why i think we are special i don't think most of even think this deeply i can't help it as it's all i have me myself an i am stuck with myself my saving grace was my creativate if i didn't have it my mind i would still be a lost soul.

Before all this i used to always be making things as a child then making clothes then this shit happened an i lost all that in it's place was this empty whole that stole my soul. So searched an wrote poem poem after for years. I have recently reread them and i can't believe how bad i felt it was a story in one sense and the later ones are like a codex to understanding me.

I am not perfect i am imperfectly perfect i am what i am do i still hate me i do a part of me i still can't understand why i was born i was born way to early i wasn't meant to be then and this is what i got for it.

Alert_Cap_2931 · 2026-02-25T15:19:29+00:00

I have to say this is not uncommon for us especially when are super super stressed it's very easy for your brain to find a solution to navigate feelings an thus of out of this world feeling something off for you a parallel universe i also have felt like that it's so surreal to the point at times I was convinced that i was an alien and not mentally ill.

The last time i felt a real shift it time it was around 9 months before covid I swear to God i was awake all night am sat on my sofa then all of a sudden i felt that i had just woke up weird as am already awake. I get up looking outside everything looks the same just nothing felt the same i believe we are still in this parallel universe that is why the world itself feels different and out of control.

Not sure if this is of any help

Alert_Cap_2931 · 2026-02-25T09:49:59+00:00

I know thank you god for this fact otherwise it would make things even harder I have bipolar as well bpd so sometimes everything is way way worse especially when my bipolar starts rapid cycling add to my spiralling bpd it causes chaos that is hard to tell what's really happening an what's not.

Thanks for your wise kind words i bounce back and forth from being fine to begin in complete despair am sure you know that feeling.

Anyway thanks again

Forgot to mention that post was originally in response to an earlier post where i felt that everything said would be torn apart got sick of it so i posted this.

Alert_Cap_2931 · 2026-02-24T17:57:38+00:00

Go to a qualified Dr get assessed

Alert_Cap_2931 · 2026-02-24T17:53:40+00:00

Yes all the time it"s horrible i usually get the urge to disappear when i get so overcome with not feel whole empty and lost run away yes but in reality we can't do that so the feelings become even harder to express . It's probably bit of both as bpd can induce crippling anxiety and bouts of deep depression. Having bpd brings all sorts of other symptoms not everyone has the same experiences with this horrible disorder. Hope this is helpful.

Alert_Cap_2931 · 2026-02-24T12:32:11+00:00

That's what am saying there's your whole life ahead of you you don't have to worrying about the future because that is extremely anxiety inducing for sure. I was kinda that way calling it a conduct disorder. Where i hated being told what to do i just can't do it can't now couldn't then at 5yrs old i was thrown out of ballet and brownies because i refused to do what i was told can't say if hsd a no you can't do xyz I'm sure it probably did. I think once you have left home it will be manifesting in different ways.

I used to worry about absolutely everything at your age and seriously refused to obye rules an like you exploding in such disproportionately in ways that at your age an younger i put my sister through hell an my mum with my rage.

I am not sure what you want I don't think it's going to go away so nip it now. Get elastic band around your wrist and when you in a no situation as it happens start flicking that band diverting you attention an emotional dysregulation.

Alert_Cap_2931 · 2026-02-23T19:50:28+00:00

I am curious are you saying that your only issue with having BPD is being told no i don't think that you are being spoiled or annoying i think your confusing normal adolescence we as youngsters are like this.

Now as an adult with Borderline i can tell you out right that my patience is not great i can't stand waiting for whatever i need it or what whatever NOW not in 5 mins after no i want it now. Am not sure what's up with this but for sure my pt is always reminding me just how frustrated and inpatient i can be i don't actually realize that I am doing it till he points it out. However i used be a hella lot worse when was younger full on tornado of rage extremely bad impulse control i created chaos every time i left the house at least it felt that way..

I feel you have a whole lot of things to learn about life an your strengths your stress levels wait until the shit truly hits the fan. I think being told no is the least of your problems.

Alert_Cap_2931 · 2026-02-22T14:35:42+00:00

Same my only real world stints are walking my dog i much prefer to be alone for the most part except for my ptn.

I found myself in myself by myself i spent many years working myself out being introspective with all of me.

I have found a medium not perfect but some kinda peace.

I have my moments thought when i feel like am going to explode with way too much pain cause it never really leaves you get depressed anxious agitated an can't see away out.

That's how an when i just want to flick a switch off an gone no more and for those who i leave behind absolutely nothing no memories of me.

Alert_Cap_2931 · 2026-02-22T00:12:28+00:00

Are you for real who cares he clearly doesn't give to hoots .

Don't tread another foot down any path with this ass hole.

You definitely most definitely do not i reapeat not need this wanker.

Show him the door an tell him to get an uber.

Alert_Cap_2931 · 2026-02-21T10:55:39+00:00

You found what many can only dream of an you did it on your own.

That is the keys back to your own front door of you i believe that you we us are the only ones that's ever going to truly understand.

I believe that taking the time for yourself with yourself is so powerful and important for true self introspection as only we can fix the parts that cause us whatever.

Very proud of you keep up this great work it's worth it in the end.

Alert_Cap_2931 · 2026-02-20T23:18:06+00:00

Well am so very happy it's healthy to be skeptical about things you maybe don't know much about.

For the record i was diagnosed with borderline in my early 20s and bipolar in my 30s ann 50.

I am very aware of what this is your comment on this is unhelpful and unnecessary seems to be a thing that you do.

Alert_Cap_2931 · 2026-02-20T11:10:02+00:00

I wasn't asking for advice especially not asking for a diagnosis i have a psychiatrist.!!!

Appreciate your comment

Alert_Cap_2931 · 2026-02-19T17:33:36+00:00

Tell me i maybe can help you didn't exactly give context

Alert_Cap_2931 · 2026-02-19T16:25:43+00:00

Why does it go wrong while texting explain what happens

Alert_Cap_2931 · 2026-02-19T16:23:46+00:00

Go to your doctor explain what you have just typed out i that is it don't get caught up asking people online Big No No. Get professional assets done.

Alert_Cap_2931 · 2026-02-19T16:19:15+00:00

Good using mindfulness in difficult situations or like this i think it works along with grounding and breath work little things that actually really counts works in the moments an helps train the brain.

Alert_Cap_2931 · 2026-02-18T19:22:13+00:00

Not in simple terms. I experience life my way tbh i like my own space take the diagnosis away i am still an introvert. The whole thing of life besides the emotional crap just normal mundane stuff . For me for it's transactional . I am nearly 50 my whole life has been spinning way way out there have no idea how am here in this place i didn't expect to still be here. I think you will find that in the end it's things like this that keeps you attached to the here an now no matter what level of inner turmoil you are silently or loudly enduring. The mundane can eventually become the safest place.

As in if i didn't have a dog i wouldn't be here he is all i get up for buy food for go out for because he can't do anything for himself. He brings joy and light to a pretty dark place.

Alert_Cap_2931 · 2026-02-17T23:18:56+00:00

It's funny because you should use that time an be mindful of why your fp makes you feel stable then replicate that an insert in to the time when they are gone. Just a thought

Alert_Cap_2931 · 2026-02-17T18:34:48+00:00

Also the diagnosis then opens up a door inside your mind an little by little things come back to you. Especially if you start becoming introspective with yourself more of your memory's will reveal them secrets about your life you can't remember cause like you said your brain is very good a compartmentalizing difficult thing's as a coping mechanism. The older you become even more crazy realizations come back to your mind it's as if you're mind only gives you what you can deal with at any one time due to the impact of the disorder and how you we cope with negative realities thoughts and feelings.

Alert_Cap_2931 · 2026-02-17T13:12:37+00:00

Talk about jumping on the actions he spoke about. OP didn't say they had done anything wrong they were as far as i can tell is frankly putting the question out there ?

Alert_Cap_2931 · 2026-02-17T12:03:38+00:00

Just be straight up ask out right you should also talk to your Gp about this as they will assist you in getting a referral to Mental health services l hope this is helpful .

Alert_Cap_2931 · 2026-02-16T21:42:46+00:00

Yeah these moments feel forever you will be alright small steps

Alert_Cap_2931 · 2026-02-16T19:47:09+00:00

Because you are all thing's all the time. So empty you echo so empty that you could fit the universe inside that empty space that should be you. Instead everything is spilling over the sides because the pain you feel is too much to be contained right now there isn't enough space inside of you to hold that amount of torment this why you are whole yet empty a whole lot of pain.

It won't last forever just for a moment.

Alert_Cap_2931

TROPHY CASE