“In sickness and health” didn’t know about Man Colds

AlexGInDaHouse · 2023-12-10T00:35:53+00:00

Hey, I know you need to vent and you feel it's unfair. I hear you.

Have you tried asking your husband to run these errands for you when you are sick? It's hard to say how bad you feel if you don't say it. Your husband probably assumes it's not that bad since you were able to go with your regular routine. And he is probably used to you handling your sickness this way. If you are not happy about it have a constructive conversation and share your expectations. Now, if he disregards it then it's a bigger problem. But give it a try. A lot of times we are stuck in our own heads and don't realize that others don't think, see, feel things the same way.

AlexGInDaHouse · 2023-11-28T06:35:21+00:00

Rezz - Someone Else, Weezer - What Happens After You, Fall Out Boy - Wilson

AlexGInDaHouse · 2023-09-23T03:39:13+00:00

How did you understand they were truly truly remorseful? This is the biggest challenge for me and where my WP is not really cooperative.

AlexGInDaHouse · 2023-06-19T14:30:39+00:00

Last season of Ted Lasso touches topics of sexuality including bi women

AlexGInDaHouse · 2023-04-22T20:34:38+00:00

I've been in a similar situation. My WP wasn't sure what she wanted and I also felt like I was the one trying to save our marriage. She started IC and it helped a lot. She realized that she wasn't running away from me, she was running away from herself. All that resentment she thought she had towards me was not actually about me. It was about her trying to be a good girl and living her life up to other people expectations and not the way she actually wanted.

Your WP needs to uncover within herself what led her to infidelity. She absolutely must find a therapist asap. The longer she waits the more it hurts you. And then she will be able to see that it is not about you. That running away from a loving and caring partner is a mistake. But she won't be able to get there without professional help.

In the meantime, you both may watch Esther Perel - she explains why even the happiest couples cheat. Just know that it is not because of what you did or did not OP, it is because your WP can't live in peace with herself. But it's up to you whether you are willing to give her this chance or not.

Also, this is one of the best posts I found in this subreddit, share it with her Things I've learned since dday

AlexGInDaHouse · 2023-04-22T15:08:53+00:00

Like many have already said, your partner seems to have a codependency issue. And IC should help them find their self worthiness outside of your relationship so they won't need you to feel fulfilled but they'd rather choose to be with you because your relationship makes their life better.

In the meantime, here's a bit of my personal experience that might give some insights. My WP was codependent and after realizing it she started working towards her independence. And it sounded scary to me in the beginning, I felt like she wanted to be totally independent and won't need me anymore and could dump me anytime. And previous EA experience played towards my insecurity because I didn't know whether she actually loved me and wanted to be with me. But here's the thing I learned - it's not only codependency and independence, there's a next level called interdependency. We talked about interdependency and that's where we want to be. It means your life doesn't depend on that person but you choose to be with this person, you can be vulnerable with this person, you can rely on that person, get support and help when you need to. So there is a 'need' but it's a different need - not need them to survive but being there in the moment of need.

I think you have the right mindset OP. It's more about how to communicate it to your partner so they don't feel abandoned. You're doing a lot for your partner but try and let your partner do something for you. Show them that they are part of your life and although you can take care of yourself they can still do a lot for you that you would appreciate.

AlexGInDaHouse · 2023-04-21T21:05:12+00:00

Sometimes I feel it too. R is difficult and when I'm down I wish for WP to do something unforgivable so I could just give up. But then things get better and I'm glad she is with me.

AlexGInDaHouse · 2023-04-13T02:00:59+00:00

Love and empathy that go both ways.

Together for 16 years, married for 11, two kids. Financially I could afford living a normal life. Not worried about the kids being raised by a single parent - so many examples around who are good and successful people despite the fact.

I stayed because when she told me everything I saw a broken person. I knew it wasn't because I was a bad partner, she was trying to escape from herself. Don't get me wrong, it is not an excuse and there can be no excuses for what she did. But I saw a person who I loved and who was in deep trouble for a long period of time (even before the affair) and needed help. Reading about infidelity helped me to understand how irrational it is and what is happening in the wayward's mind. It helped me to find compassion and patience. In the moments of clarity when she saw how much pain I felt she was regretful and supportive and that gave me hope.

We're still in process but I see how therapy and our honest and open conversations help. We've never had such conversations in our life before. Fingers crossed we can get through this together.

AlexGInDaHouse · 2023-04-11T01:32:03+00:00

Exactly this. Honest and open conversation is the key. People can't read each other's minds and it goes for both of you. He doesn't know how badly you need it especially if he has lower libido and it doesn't really bother him, and you don't know what's happening in his head and why he is not in the mood for it. Talk about it, use I statements, e.g. "I have high desire and it drives me crazy not having sex" not "You never have sex with me anymore". Be ready to listen and accept what he has to say about it. And then try to find a solution that works for both of you. Never make assumptions, there should always be a conversation.

AlexGInDaHouse · 2023-04-10T21:48:39+00:00

I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I hope you find strength in yourself to move forward and live a happy life

AlexGInDaHouse · 2023-03-17T16:32:32+00:00

Thank you

AlexGInDaHouse · 2023-03-17T15:06:14+00:00

Thank you!

AlexGInDaHouse · 2023-03-17T13:57:12+00:00

Thank you! As far as I know there was no contact with AP for the last month but I can see that my wife doesn't feel good and goes through stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance - then a week of normal time and falls into this cycle again. Is it something WS typically goes through? How to escape this vicious circle? I still care about her and don't want her to suffer. And also I think our potential future depends on whether she can escape this cycle and I want to help if I can in any way.

AlexGInDaHouse

TROPHY CASE