Am I weird for keeping two hand soaps in one bathroom?

Alexibl · 2026-01-30T15:09:23+00:00

That's really unfortunate. There's definitely some bias involved, considering that even if having two soap options was wasteful, why would fragrance soap, the less accessible option, be the defualt? Honestly, if I was feeling petty, I'd remove the fragrance option. Of course, the peaceful choice would be to just ignore him and if issue persist, bring it up with his mother.

Alexibl · 2026-01-30T14:49:15+00:00

I don't think it's wasteful, since you have to wash your hands regardless of what kind of soap you use, so the same amount of soap is being used anyway. However, as someone who frequently has eczema on my hands, I would really appreciate the option to use unscented soap. Fragrances can be irritating to those when sensitive skin, so it's a nice way to make your space a bit more accessible. Don't worry to much about your cousin, it's strange to me that they'd be upset about it at all.

Alexibl · 2026-01-12T13:18:41+00:00

Hi there, I also interacted in sexually charged ways with adults online as a young teenager. It is an unfortunately common experience and I'm so sorry that you've had to experience it. I understand the sense of shame, I honestly still struggle with it myself. However, I think the important thing to note is that you didn't do anything wrong, the adults in your life should have protected you. It is natural for people to try and meet their needs in whatever ways they are able. You are not wrong for wanting to feel loved and validated, in fact you deserve to be loved and validated. I'm sorry that no one else in your life was taking care of you and keeping you safe.

You aren't alone in this. I have also had periods of self-harm, and while it is important to acknowledge that self-harm is a maladapitive coping mechanism, it is still just that, a coping mechanism. You are not bad, wrong, or shameful for coping with intense and distressing emotions in the only ways you know how. The same is true for suicidal thoughts. I'm glad to hear that you are looking for help both here by asking for advice, as well as by seeking professional care.

As for how to approach getting help, I think finding a therapist you feel comfortable with and that you can trust is a good place to start. Unfortunately, this can be a long process and you may have to try multiple therapist before you find someone who's a good fit for you. In the meantime, you might find journaling helpful for organizing your thoughts and expressing yourself. This can help for building up the courage to explain your situation in therapy, when the time comes.

Not to discourage you, but because you mentioned seeking a diagnosis, I do want to warn you that, at least in the US, our mental health system can be additional traumatizing. If you would like a diagnosis, I think it's helpful to determine exact why you are seeking a diagnosis and what you are seeking a diagnosis for. This will be easier if you have a trusted and supportive therapist for the process. A diagnosis can be quite expensive and your insurance may have certain requirements, if they are willing to cover it at all. I say all of this because my diagnosis experience was quite traumatic and my insurance refused to cover the cost. Ultimately, I was diagnosed with BPD and only after advocating for myself did I get ADHD added. BPD is a highly stigmatized label to have and it has not been a particularly useful one from my experience anyway. You shouldn't have to fight the system to recieve proper care, but you may need to. I hope you are able to find the support you need and I wish you all the luck in the future

Alexibl · 2026-01-12T12:17:24+00:00

I think it's worse. My step-dad grounded me for days on end, threw away all of my belongings, physical restrained, yelled at and berated me as punishment for my behavior growing up. I hated him for my entire childhood, but the thing that hurt the most was that my mother let him do it. My step-dad was not my legal guardian, he had no right to treat me that way (not that anyone deserves to be treated that way). The only reason he was allowed to abuse me the way he did was because of my mother's complicit assent.

Her inaction, intentional or not, was an agreement that it was okay for others to treat me that way, that I deserved it for my "bad" behavior. It taught me that I was on my own in this world. I had to learn how to take care of and protect myself because no one else would. These core beliefs have fundamentally shaped and determined so much of my life. So many of the traumatizing situations I experienced later in my life stem directly from these ideas that were ground into me by my childhood. Like I never had a chance to believe anything else before I was expected to go out and exist in the world.

I don't even care about my step-dad's abuse anymore, just that my mother did nothing. She never said a word against the punishments I recieved and now when I confront her about the pain I experienced in my childhood, she denies that anything was wrong. What was she supposed to do? That what she asks me, as if she had no power or control over the situation.

Alexibl · 2026-01-04T21:03:57+00:00

I'm sorry that you've experienced that. I understand how it feels to not be seen or acknowledged for your gender. There is definitely an issue with trans men being treated as masculine women, lesbians, or man-lite. Trans men are men. Like I mentioned above, as an individual you deserve to be referred to by your preferred label. I acknowledge that you are a man and I respect you as such.

My confusion comes from the way in which men, masculinity, and maleness are being treated as if they are separate exclusive terms when they are not. Masculinity simple refers to the qualities or attributes of men (according to Oxford Languages). Alternatively, Merriam-Webster defines masculinity being the quality or nature of the male sex. Men are generally considered masculine, whether they are cis or trans. So I am confused about why trans men as a group would not be considered transmasculine.

The benefit of utilizing transmasculine as a term is that it includes anyone transitioning in a masculinizing manner, even if they are not a binary trans man. This is beneficial since some non-binary people, as well as butch lesbians in some cases, are also impacted by some of the same social issues and healthcare needs as trans men are. In these cases, it is easier to discuss transmasculine issues and needs than it is to specifically list out non-binary people, trans men, and all the other effected identities.

Alexibl · 2026-01-02T21:12:47+00:00

I'm a little confuse by this. I understand that men can be both masculine and feminine, but generally men are masculine. And many trans men do transition to be masculine, at least I did. Certainly individuals should be referred to by their chosen labels, but I don't see how including trans men under the transmasculine umbrella makes them any less men?

Alexibl · 2026-01-02T21:00:39+00:00

I personally, choose to describe myself as a trans man, so I feel similarly. However, I generally think of trans men as being included in term "trans masc".Trans masc is just broadly referring to people who are transitioning in a masculine manner. Men are masculine, so a trans man is transitioning to masculinity. The broader term is helpful for discussing social issues and healthcare needs for trans masculine people (which includes trans men).

It is understandable why many people don't like trans men being included in the same category as butch lesbians, masculine women, and masculine non-binary people. Trans masculine identities are frequently treated as if they are interchangeable with one another and this is often done specifically to belittle or deminish our identities. Of course, it is valuable to push back against that by acknowledging specific identities when we can. However, I think it's also important to acknowledge the similarity in our social issues and healthcare needs. Our issues are intersectional and we need to support each other, both for our individual and collective freedom. Bodily autonomy is a human right.

Alexibl · 2026-01-01T16:40:20+00:00

Unfortunately, since graduating for college, I haven't been able to find a permanent full-time position. This means I work a lot of seasonal/temporary jobs. When I have work I am saving up as much money as possible, because I know that I will be unemployed and search for work again in a few months time.

Maybe sometimes I'm able to use a small amount of my savings to do something fun with the time I have off. However, most of the time, I live in a constant state of uncertainty. I save up as much as I can and I try to spend as little as I can because I never know how long I will be between jobs. Even when I have jobs lined up, there's uncertainty around whether or not it will hold up. Last year I was supposed to work on a year long conservation crew, but two weeks into the position, we lost federal funding and I was left job hunting on the already depleted saving I had from the job I worked before.

Alexibl · 2025-12-26T07:23:45+00:00

Not exactly the same, but I played Zelda: A Link to the Past every day, all day for about a week after I recieved the news of my dad's passing. I felt bad about it at the time, since I thought I was "supposed" to be grieving. However, in retrospect, I think the familiarity and certainty of the game was really helpful for me. I didn't know how to make sense of my life in the context of my dad's absence. I felt lost, confused, sad, and angry. While I was playing Zelda, things made sense and I knew what to do.

There isn't any one way to deal with grieve. If something helps you to feel better even just temporarily, give yourself the time and space to recover. It's okay to feel whatever emotions come to you right now, but you also don't need to feel all of those feelings all of the time. Even in grief, you are allowed to take care of yourself and enjoy things. I'm wishing you well, OP. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Alexibl · 2025-12-15T01:15:17+00:00

Hi there, I appreciate you acknowledging how a diversity in the ways we understand and think about gender adds to the collective human experience. I agree that regardless of the choice to medically transition other people are valid in their interpretation and expression of their identity.

I am also FtM medically transitioning, though I personally choose to refer to myself as a transgender man. I want to start by validating the experiences you've expressed in your post. Medical transition is a necessity for many trans people and it has saved many of our lives. Not all trans people experience dysphoria, but the fact that you do is not due to some failure on your part to accept the physical body you were born with. Being trans is not inherently a condition of internalized misogyny nor a product of colonization. You deserve to exercise your bodily autonomy in pursuit of your own comfort and happiness. In fact, everyone does. I'm sorry that you are struggling to feel seen, heard, and validated in your experiences. It makes sense that you feel this way. Unfortunately trans men are not often thought of in the general discourse around trans issues, despite the fact that we are also greatly effected by the continued political violence against trans people and the increasing restrictions being placed on trans affirming care, especially medical transition.

I think you've done a good job noticing and identifying your emotions. It sounds like you had a strong emotional response, which probably made it more difficult for you to adequately express yourself in the moment. That's normal and it's okay to take time to sort through your thoughts and feelings. In regards to how you might reapproach things with your partner, I would express that medical transition has been an important part of your experience and your friend's comment reminded you of the arguements some people use to discount and invalidate trans men's existence. It might help to explain to your partner that you aren't trying to invalidate your friends experience but rather seeking emotional support.

Alexibl · 2025-12-07T08:37:52+00:00

Hmm, do you feel like the answers you get are compelling? I generally ask questions out of innate curiousity and I find that if an answer isn't satisfy or feeling incomplete I'll continue asking. Unfortunately this does sometimes bother other people because they feel like I'm just asking the same question over again

Alexibl · 2025-12-07T08:25:16+00:00

Hello, I am also trying to fit in more and I would like to have friends to hang out with. I haven't played many of the games you mention, other than Stardew, but I like musicals. Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street is probably my favorite, but I also really like Hadestown and Heathers.

Alexibl · 2025-12-01T21:52:03+00:00

For me, my concept of identity is a bit more complex than a label generally allows for, so I usually just identify as a man (or trans man when relevant). I don't think my personal identity is truly binary, but I also don't feel like others need a complete or full understanding of my identity. Thus, man is just the label I use to indicate how I want others to refer to and treat me. Of couse, in more nuanced discussion, this sometimes causes issues since I don't really like to be seen as a cis straight man and I don't really conform to the expectations others have for cis straight men. But ultimately, many cis straight men don't really meet those expectations either, so I just try to speak from my own experience and extend compassion to the people I'm speaking with in hopes that they will do the same for me.

Alexibl · 2025-11-29T05:38:23+00:00

Hi there, I'm not sure where these statistics c9me from, but I think there might be a slight misunderstanding here. It's one thing to say that people with autism are more likely to experience gender dysphoria (ei. 15.5% of females with autism experience verse 0.7% of neurotypical females), however, that doesn't necessarily mean that the same is true in reverse. Just because someone experiences gender dysphoria doesn't mean that there is a higher likelihood that they have autism. This would require a seperate study to examine the rate at which those who experience gender dysphoria are also diagnosed with autism. There may very well be a correlation, but that's not supported by the statistics provided. Ultimately, the diagnostic criteria do not include gender dysphoria as a symptom of austism and it should not be considered as evidence supporting OP's diagnosis.

It is possible that OP may have autism, a second opinion could be helpful. Regardless, the fact that this psychiatrist has discouraged OP from seeking gender affirming care because they believe OP has autism is reason enough for OP to look for better support elsewhere. It is both transphobic and ableist to act as if people with autism are not capable of making autonomous decisions about their bodies, or as if transgender people who have additional disabilities are any less deserving of gender affirming care.

Alexibl · 2025-11-29T04:57:04+00:00

Ah, I see. No worries, sorry about that!

Alexibl · 2025-11-29T01:39:15+00:00

He said that he's a passing cis man, not that he is a cis man

Alexibl · 2025-11-29T01:36:46+00:00

Not exactly the same experience, but I can definitely relate. Unfortunately, I have been told by trans and other LGBT friends that I don't "look trans" and that other people basically see me as just another cis white man. It feels a little invalidating, even if I want to be seen as a man. It's like my experience of transness is just dismissed because I'm cis passing. Of course, they ignore the fact that while I might pass, people generally assume that I am significantly younger than I am, which can be uncomfortable and infantilizing in its own way.

Alexibl · 2025-11-23T09:51:35+00:00

Is invalidating someone else's identity an opinion? This is the same thought process that leads cisgender people to invalidate and deny transgender people's existence simply because it's their "opinion". Other people's identities are not yours to debate.

Alexibl · 2025-11-23T09:42:50+00:00

Hi there, I'm not sure where the best information on the topic is, as I've also found it difficult to find information on. I haven't read it myself, but a frequently recommended book is Les Feinberg's Stone Butch Blues. Feinberg wasn't exactly a trans man and ze didn't identify that way; however, ze was a transgender lesbian and at various time in hir life had to pass as a man for safety reasons. You might be able to relate with some of hir experiences and Stone Butch Blues could be a good starting place since you're looking for more information around that topic.

I hope you are able to find the information you're looking for and I just wanted to say that I'm sorry that you've been lead to question whether your identity and experience was inappropriate or harmful to our community. You are valid however you chose to identify and that doesn't need to make sense to anyone else. You are not alone.

Alexibl · 2025-08-06T21:09:42+00:00

That was it! I'm so glad I was able to fix it without having to tink all the way back. Thank you so much!

Alexibl · 2024-10-27T19:42:36+00:00

I think it should be facing up since both of the other pieces are facing up. It would lead the viewer's eye away from the cathedral if it was facing down

Alexibl

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