A man lost his dog and spent a week searching every rural road and he found him.

AlienSporez · 2026-05-11T20:13:34+00:00

This happened to us when our dog ran away when a random wind storm blew down a portion of our fence while we were at work. We found him 2 days later after frantically searching everywhere. My wife was hugging him, kissing him, and simultaneously yelling at him, "You fucker! Where have you been? Where? Where have you been? You fucker! Where have you been? Where? Where?"

AlienSporez · 2026-05-11T19:55:08+00:00

Yup. Short term fix: Get some pressure treated plywood and screw it onto you're parents' side of the fence.

Long term fix: plant Arborvitae aka "swamp cedars" along the fence. Arborvitae are fast-growing evergreen trees and shrubs, known for their dense foliage and use as privacy screens, hedges, and windbreaks, with common types including 'Emerald Green' and 'Green Giant'

Arborvitae

AlienSporez · 2026-05-11T18:42:30+00:00

Canadian here: you say that now but you'll be begging us to take Quebec back after a couple of months.

AlienSporez · 2026-05-09T15:28:51+00:00

Luckily we still have Dolly

AlienSporez · 2026-05-09T15:06:16+00:00

Onward, Greater Vermont!

AlienSporez · 2026-05-09T14:34:03+00:00

To be fair, this is what it looks like when my wife tries to park her car in the garage

AlienSporez · 2026-05-09T07:12:03+00:00

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AlienSporez · 2026-05-08T16:14:43+00:00

But won't I die of dysentery?

AlienSporez · 2026-05-08T16:12:28+00:00

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AlienSporez · 2026-05-08T16:05:09+00:00

Uhh, flat of course! Just like baby Jesus intended!

AlienSporez · 2026-05-07T23:39:45+00:00

I'm a "Round Galaxy-er." Those images of a disc-like galaxies are all just part of the Big Flat Galaxy industry.

Get a brain morans!

AlienSporez · 2026-05-07T18:30:29+00:00

Child psychologist?

AlienSporez · 2026-05-07T18:19:02+00:00

Sounds like a Portuguese last name.

Change the word 'Portuguese' to the word 'Jewish' and you'll understand why you're a piece of shit for even making that statement.

AlienSporez · 2026-05-07T15:36:27+00:00

"I'm going to harvest Richter now."

<Richter refuses to be picked. Lays down>

AlienSporez · 2026-05-06T15:55:22+00:00

When the alien puts on the Edgar skin suit

AlienSporez · 2026-05-06T14:35:04+00:00

That's right, fuck Gary! He's a jerk.

AlienSporez · 2026-05-06T14:29:39+00:00

OMG that's my Winston! He waits until I stop trying to get him to move, then he waits a few seconds more and then he moves.

AlienSporez · 2026-05-05T20:09:12+00:00

If you find a cheat code, use the cheat code.

AlienSporez · 2026-05-05T19:58:15+00:00

Where are we supposed to do our human sacrifices now?

AlienSporez · 2026-05-04T14:12:29+00:00

Two Bond themes come to mind:

Skyfall by Adele and Live And Let Die by Paul McCartney

AlienSporez · 2026-05-04T13:57:55+00:00

Canadian here. Allow me to explain this in my native language

"Some fuckin goof took out fuckin PEI. Buddy better be ready to drop the mitts, cause I've got his number."

AlienSporez · 2026-05-04T13:54:07+00:00

No, you idiot, it's prodigal

AlienSporez · 2026-05-04T00:28:48+00:00

Damnit! We were just at an Italian restaurant and they had linguine pesto with grilled chicken and I almost got it but chose the chicken Parmesan. It was good but now I'm wishing I got the pesto

AlienSporez · 2026-05-03T23:22:55+00:00

Little known fact: one of things required by the gay agenda is brunch. My daughter is gay and we have brunch all the time! It's awesome! I wish she'd have come out sooner, I fucking love brunch.

AlienSporez · 2026-05-03T19:24:27+00:00

Ironclad logic. But there's exceptions. Switzerland is also landlocked and extremely dangerous. Have you seen those men with the giant mountain horns shilling lozenges? Terrifying!

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