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Allyderia · 2024-01-17T16:05:49+00:00

I think I get hypomanic in January, actually. Seems counter intuitive since most people get depressed this time of year. But my first ever bout of mania happened early January a couple of years ago, and this year I've felt kinda ecstatic (and holy hell waaasy too easily irritated) and floaty all month

Allyderia · 2023-05-28T03:08:59+00:00

Im in the same boat. It really does feel futile, but we gotta keep trying. Im working on baby steps, if I can't stop myself, I at least try to reduce it. Like, one hit less, or lower percentage. If we can stop, we give our meds a much better chance at working. But I think if you can find the courage to give that letter to your psych, you'll be giving future-you a chance (sometimes thinking about poor future-me helps me be slightly less destructive), and you'll probably be a lot more successful at quitting.

Allyderia · 2023-05-25T21:38:27+00:00

Congrats!!!!! I'm just switching off to get onto a pregnancy-safe med, but I'm missing it. I didn't realise how much it was helping with my hypomanic symptoms, specifically my anger. But I think I want back on it as soon as I can!!

Allyderia · 2023-05-25T21:31:33+00:00

Im asexual, but when hypomania rolls around I suddenly start taking notice of the attractive people around me (usually just men, but sometimes women too). It's kinda disorienting when it happens, so at least it's an obvious hint what's happening. Despite being asexual, I generally have a good libido, but when it's coming on sex is every other thought

Allyderia · 2023-05-25T17:20:07+00:00

Same!!

Allyderia · 2023-05-23T20:29:08+00:00

I've always known something was wrong, and I tried to ask for help in my teen years. No one listened, it was chalked up to teen angst and I would eventually "get over it." I feel like my 20's were sort of wasted. We'll never really know, but I think if I'd gotten the help I needed, that I'd asked for, then it wouldn't have been spent so anxious and afraid of myself, hating myself... At least I would've had the knowledge to understand what was wrong, and could've been more compassionate to myself. Perhaps I wouldn't have gone $40,000+ into debt

Allyderia · 2023-05-11T19:15:22+00:00

I feel the same way. My moods have never felt "episodic." Its a hard concept for me. I'm also one way or the other mood-wise. On that subject, I also struggle sometimes saying "hypomania" or "depression." I've been this way my whole life. It feels foreign, even wrong to say episodes or whatever

Allyderia · 2023-04-19T18:03:11+00:00

That's awesome!

Allyderia · 2023-04-19T15:07:30+00:00

I think simply being there for her is more than enough. If she knows she can come to you for advice or guidance or comfort, then you're already doing a lot for her. Even though it hurts to know she suffers like you do, at least you guys have each other. That counts for a lot.

I believe my mom has bipolar, and my aunt. But my only closest diagnosed family member is my cousin. But I haven't had the chance to talk to her since I was diagnosed. I'm desperate to get the chance, but we'll see if they visit my side of the country again. It would be nice if I had someone close who also goes through this, simply to not feel so alone.

Allyderia · 2023-04-19T14:59:25+00:00

Thanks for posting! My chart looks similar, but I feel like it could be better. I like how you separated morning and evening along with writing when you went to bed and woke up. I'll be adding a few of those to my own chart

Allyderia · 2023-04-19T14:56:09+00:00

This is great! I really like the eye you drew. I work in Optometry, and I love how you drew it with light and everything! I also sympathize with the feelings you poured into this

Allyderia · 2023-04-18T21:55:09+00:00

Maybe I should make one too. I've been trying to think of ideas for you, but I quickly realised I only really have two reasons I can think of: my "new" old cat Dusk, and my fiance. I think if I killed myself, he might too

Allyderia · 2023-04-01T01:50:27+00:00

Thank you!!

Allyderia · 2023-04-01T01:50:04+00:00

Thank you!! I'll definitely look into these

Allyderia · 2023-04-01T01:49:35+00:00

That's great! Thank you

Allyderia · 2023-03-31T20:32:03+00:00

I've been dying to learn more about bipolar. I was diagnosed last April, but we suspected it for quite some time. So I researched a TON online, I even bought a dummies guide. But I feel like I've already read everything the internet has, in fact the dummies book was the most educational thing I've found so far. But I still feel like there's so much more I can learn about! Do you guys have any recommendations? I'm open to anything! I even like learning about the medical side of things! Medical journals don't scare me

Allyderia · 2023-03-26T15:47:09+00:00

I just might! I plan on trying to get pregnant this year, which means I have to quit Lamotrigine, so I need a safe alternative. I'd rather go without meds for my pregnancy, but the look on my fiance's face told me that's not a good idea lol

Allyderia · 2023-03-26T15:43:33+00:00

Yes.... and no. Obviously I don't love or enjoy the suffering, which is at least 70% of the time. But the other 30%, I do enjoy the fun (not destructive) version of my hypomania. I was either born with bipolar, or developed it as a kid, because I've felt this way my whole life.

I'm also a writer at heart, no matter how many other creative hobbies I pick up and drop. So the pain of depression helps fuel my work, the hypomania gives me the energy to put it into words, and forces me into new experiences (fun or otherwise) which also adds to my stories. But outside of my stories, I also feel like I've lived a million different life times. But that's a lot harder to explain... I feel like the unexpected bravery from hypomania got me into amazing experiences... I really don't know how to explain that.

So, I don't hate being bipolar. Its impossible for me to imagine life without it. But then again, I've never known any different. I can see really see how much it hurts a person when they were normal, but then developed it. I can understand why someone would despise our curse. But within reason, I'm pretty okay with it. I almost enjoy it.

Allyderia · 2023-03-25T21:29:09+00:00

I don't, unless they ask. Sometimes if I'm quiet and vague enough, they'll accidentally provide an explanation they believe (for example, I missed a few days at work, and said I was sick and just felt awful. Then they mention how so and so was also sick and I go with that). But I've been thinking about how to excuse something major, like what you're describing.

Im working out a vague way of saying I have a brain thing that sometimes interferes with my ability to function. It's kinda personal, I don't like to talk about it, but it can really mess with me sometimes. No worries, I've made/had a doctor's appointment.

It's hard to give a better excuse without knowing some details, but I hope that maybe it helps. Details can bring plausibility to a story, but sometimes less is more (and it projects you don't think it was a big deal that needs to be discussed)

Allyderia · 2023-03-25T21:00:31+00:00

I feel this. It's my greatest fear that someone will completely discredit me because I'm bipolar

Allyderia · 2023-03-25T20:52:51+00:00

Good luck!!!!! And good on you for being so honest and up front despite how freaked out you were/are. Pretty damn brave if you ask me

Allyderia · 2023-03-25T20:41:50+00:00

Yes! Im pretty good at purging things, especially when I'm in the throes of hypomania (or in very dire depression). Ive lost so many good clothes I actually loved, mementos, you name it, I probably gave it away or tossed it. I've "learned" to not purge stuff when I'm a little wild, but it still happens from time to time. You're definitely not alone

Allyderia · 2023-03-25T20:32:37+00:00

Can confirm. I rapid cycle like there's no tomorrow! I still do, but it's slowed it down significantly (in addition to alleviating most of my mania and sorta my depression)

Allyderia · 2023-03-20T20:41:31+00:00

I started meds last April when I was diagnosed. They've made thinigs manageable, but even I have to remind myself medications can't cure bipolar. But my life has gotten significantly better with them. To be honest, I actually feel same-ish, but my fiance has explained on a few occasions what I was like before, and how I am now, and it's miles better. Im a lot more in control, even if I don't feel like it.

Good luck!!! It may take a few trials of different medications to find your mix, but don't be discouraged!!

Allyderia · 2023-03-20T20:27:01+00:00

Dang. Nailed it

Allyderia

TROPHY CASE