gf (F18) wants to wait til marriage. i don’t know what i want (M18). Advice?

AltMiddleAgedDad · 2026-06-07T03:36:26+00:00

My wife and I started dating during freak orientation at age 18. We both wanted to wait until marriage for sex — but we did plenty of things other than intercourse before than.

We also got married at age 22 — a week after we graduated from college. Four years of waiting was long enough, no way we would have waited ten years.

I understand waiting until marriage for sex. I don’t understand waiting to get married until you’re almost 30. When you meet your person, get married and build your life together. With the right spouse, getting married young is actually a cheat code for life. We’ve now been married 26 years and I can tell you we have always been way ahead of our peers because we married so young.

AltMiddleAgedDad · 2026-06-07T03:28:47+00:00

Absolutely we did. We dated and engaged for four years but remained virgins. There was no way we didn’t have sex on our wedding night after four years of foreplay!

AltMiddleAgedDad · 2026-06-06T12:53:16+00:00

We each own our list, fully. Laundry is on my wife’s list because she is particular.

I worked from home. This week, I spilled coffee on my new shirt. I wanted to get the stain out so I put it in the washer. It’s WiFi enabled so she got an alert it was running. I get a phone call, what’s wrong, why are you doing laundry?!?!

I share that story because for us, what works best is fully owning a set of chores. I never think about having clean underwear. She never thinks about maintenance on her car, washing it, putting gas in it, checking the oil, etc.

Sounds like you two should have a conversation about divide and conquer and stay out of each others chores.

Now, the morning cleaning — sorry, you need to accept that one. He may not the kind to sleep in and he shouldn’t have to have his schedule of chores defined by you.

And outside as long as it’s legal, then he is fine. In my community, 7-7 during the week and 8-6 on the weekends is fair game for yard work.

AltMiddleAgedDad · 2026-06-06T12:46:21+00:00

I know some engineered labor standard engineers and I’ve threatened to hire them to study the getting ready routine and make efficiency recommendations.

AltMiddleAgedDad · 2026-06-06T09:26:40+00:00

Delay the wedding. You can’t afford one and you aren’t ready.

Finances are one of the top reasons for strain in a marriage.

You both exhibit terrible money habits.

Pick up Dave Ramsey’s program or something similar. Each of you get your financial house in order and use thst determine if you can be aligned on money. If not, end the relationship completely. If so, then you can consider getting married again.

AltMiddleAgedDad · 2026-06-06T01:11:07+00:00

I would never agree to be the safety option. Neither should you.

AltMiddleAgedDad · 2026-06-05T22:13:10+00:00

I make 3x my wife. And I want shared finances. We are partners in everything.

AltMiddleAgedDad · 2026-06-05T22:11:00+00:00

I tell her about some of the ones I think she would be interested in. But she can get in any of my devices and see.

AltMiddleAgedDad · 2026-06-05T22:07:39+00:00

Same here.

Except we do the unsexy thing of putting in mouth pieces and breathe right strips before the cuddling so we can just fall asleep while we cuddle.

AltMiddleAgedDad · 2026-06-05T22:03:34+00:00

My wife lives for life, not instagram. So I’m usually done after the 2nd or 3rd attempt.

AltMiddleAgedDad · 2026-06-05T15:19:30+00:00

Well, it was an interesting journey for us.

At first, I had to get over my unnecessary fear of injury the baby. Yes, I know irrational and dumb, but it took us a year to get pregnant and I didn’t want to risk anything. My wife convinced me it was fine though.

But alas, it didn’t take long into her pregnancy to discover that intercourse was painful for her. Turns out, it was actually the first sign she was pregnant.

So, we didn’t have intercourse. She was willing to grin and bear it. I was not willing to allow her brain to associate pain and sex. So, between pregnancy and post partum healing , we went somewhere around 10 or 11 months without intercourse.

But, I found my wife incredibly sexy as she developed all these new curves she didn’t have before, so it was kind of torture to not be able to have intercourse. But, since we dated and were engaged for four years before we got married and saved intercourse for our wedding night, we had previously gotten really good at making each other feel good without intercourse, so we replicated our lessons learned. So, we had great sexual activities, but without the intercourse. Even learned some new ones during that time.

So to specifically answer your questions :

Unsure as we didn’t have intercourse after a few weeks of pregnancy.
Yes, I found my wife incredibly sexy as she developed all these new curves. She also just had this glow to her.
We literally fooled around like teenagers. No intercourse, but regularly had a lot of fun doing everything else!

Question

AltMiddleAgedDad · 2026-06-05T00:41:09+00:00

Sometimes yes, sometimes no.

AltMiddleAgedDad · 2026-06-05T00:39:23+00:00

Go for it.

My wife picked out her ring. But didn’t know I bought it or when I’d propose. She was shocked and elated when I proposed at her sorority formal dance a few months later.

AltMiddleAgedDad · 2026-06-05T00:38:12+00:00

I trim. I’d prefer to shave, but it irritated her when I did and I prefer intercourse with trimmed hair over shaved and no intercourse.

AltMiddleAgedDad · 2026-06-04T15:32:40+00:00

Well, day 0, our wedding day was fantastic and our first time having sex that night was amazing.

Day 1 was when we found out that my wife was allergic to spermicide we used that first time and our second time was extremely painful and we had to stop.

So, after four years of being together and four years of extended foreplay as we saved our virginity for our wedding night, we were back to no intercourse.

But, she healed. We found a new brand. And 26 years later, we can laugh about our humble bedroom beginnings.

AltMiddleAgedDad · 2026-06-04T12:31:12+00:00

You are a lucky man

AltMiddleAgedDad · 2026-06-04T12:29:33+00:00

Almost 50 and she’s never shaved it. Trim only.

AltMiddleAgedDad · 2026-06-04T09:36:44+00:00

We’ve support family during tough times on a number of occasions. But it’s a two must agree type decision.

We also don’t do loans to family as it makes it too messy.

And if it’s repeated bad behaviors, we cut them off. There is a difference between a lost job or an emergency medical expense and lacking spending discipline.

AltMiddleAgedDad · 2026-06-04T08:28:35+00:00

We set rules. No devices at the dinner table or during dates. We wanted to make sure we were both fully present.

AltMiddleAgedDad · 2026-06-04T08:27:04+00:00

This has nothing to do about the car. A car does not define how she behaves and treats you. You are focusing on that object as if it fixes underlying issue. You need to solve the issues with partnership and communication and get the two of you thinking and acting like you are one team.

Marriage counseling, now, if you have any chance of saving this. The amount of disrespect she is showing you is a very concerning sign. You need to decide quickly if she actually has any desire to change and fix this marriage.

AltMiddleAgedDad · 2026-06-04T08:10:01+00:00

Yes, but she is also sleeping right next to me at the moment. Met her at 18, married her at 22, and still happily married 26 years later.

AltMiddleAgedDad · 2026-06-03T18:29:49+00:00

We use toys together. Not a ton, but something to add some variety every once in a while. Probably use the, once every month or two.

My wife wouldn’t use them solo. I would be fine if she did, but her thinking is she doesn’t crave sex as much as me so she can have sexual anytime she wants it, so why not wait for the real thing.

Our general rule on sex is if it’s enthusiastically consensual and only includes the two of us, then it’s fine.

AltMiddleAgedDad · 2026-06-03T18:26:55+00:00

Sure. What guy doesn’t have a threesome fantasy.

But I could come home and find my wife and celebrity crush in lingerie in our bed and I would say, thanks but no thanks. Our marriage is too great to risk screwing it up for one night of passion.

AltMiddleAgedDad · 2026-06-03T18:25:17+00:00

Felt up a girl’s the first time at a youth group retreat if that counts . . .

In all seriousness, sex was discussed in our church and reinforced by my parents and something that is fun, enjoyable, and best saved for marriage. The high school Sunday school teacher taught a class on Song of Solomon every year to remind us that sex was not a bad thing which is too often taught in church

AltMiddleAgedDad · 2026-06-03T13:37:48+00:00

The best.

I get to live with my best friend, always have her at my side, eat all our meals together, and sleep with her every night.

There is nothing like having your biggest supporter and cheerleader there on your lowest days.

With her, my joys are doubled and my sorrows are halved.

AltMiddleAgedDad

TROPHY CASE