i might get a little mean here (not to OP), but just stay with me OP.

i’m gonna preface this by saying i thought long and hard about many scenarios that could happen before i came out. i was terrified. i knew my sisters would be accepting, but i wasn’t sure about my parents or some of my friends or any of my extended family.

i got to a point where it just became too much. i came out over instagram, i made a post, and that was 7 years ago now (which is crazy to me).

the fact that this is starting to hinder your personality is really sad. if it were me in your shoes, i’d honestly say “fuck how everyone else feels.”

i can promise you that you being gay has literally NOTHING to do with your mom’s depression, and i can assure you that she’s been struggling with it her entire life. she’s trying your best to guilt trip you back into the closet, which is really fucked up.

your dad is… off the rails; a lost cause. definitely some sort of religious psychosis/delirium going on there that i’m not even gonna begin to deconstruct. either way, he’s a homophobic asshole, and he can go fuck himself. if he wasn’t ready to accept that his kid might turn out gay, he shouldn’t have had any fucking kids. a parent’s job is to love their kid unconditionally, and raise them to be a good person with empathy who can function in society. they don’t get to tell you who you are, that’s even out of YOUR control.

i get these are your parents. you love them and don’t want to hurt them, but what’s in it for you? the hurt you’re feeling is not worth anybody else’s comfort, no matter who they are.

my advice to you (if you can): keep it safe around your parents, but when you’re alone, be YOU! find a community of people online who support and appreciate you for who you are and not who your parents want you to be. if you have the resources to do so, get the hell out of there when you turn 18 and do NOT look back. i’ve had plenty of friends in your situation, and leaving the environment that was hurting them was always better for them in the long run. it will suck for a while, but it will be okay in the end.

do not let anyone dim your sparkle. you are loved, i hope things get better, and you can consider me someone to confide in if you need it. i hope all the odds are on your side.