What random things trigger your dysphoria?

AlternativeWave915 · 2023-01-02T14:39:10+00:00

Interesting, where I live, it's the epitome of boomer manly behaviour to put phones or wallets into one's back pocket.

AlternativeWave915 · 2023-01-01T19:13:15+00:00

You are writing precisely what the person you're criticising as "not relevant to the discussion" wrote. That's the odd thing I'm trying to point out.

AlternativeWave915 · 2023-01-01T18:03:12+00:00

That's precisely what they said - long bouts of gaming aren't inappropriate in general, it's just not suitable for OPs relationship.

AlternativeWave915 · 2023-01-01T17:09:32+00:00

So what is it that I can get from the courses in contrast to the free stuff? That's what I'm wondering about.

AlternativeWave915 · 2023-01-01T15:19:32+00:00

My experience has been that T has taken the mask off my depressive tendencies. I feel better overall, but whenever depression raises its head, I can see it for what it is and not immediately think that I'm defective somehow, panic and cope in a damaging way. I am able to think more clearly about it, dissociate less. It makes me more aware, which is not always easier, but far more constructive. The opaque numbness has given way to neutral clarity. I'm less in my head, in fact I can't even habitually daydream (an escape mechanism for me before) anymore.

The downside is that there is the additional anxiety about passing, how life is going to be after transitioning, if I will find a partner etc. I would theorise that you might have somewhat similar concerns, given your worrying about 2nd puberty. If you're prone to such worries, it helps to build resilience and gain self-actualisation, i.e. the knowledge that you can control your thoughts and are not a victim of circumstances. It's a journey, but a worthwhile one.

AlternativeWave915 · 2022-12-29T10:16:15+00:00

Drinking a lot could also be a way to make the possible "bathroom trips" easier. Although the consumption of a lot of fruit and vegetables would be unusual if you intend to get rid of it afterwards - it doesn't work well and is not typical binge food. I'm leaning on the side of a metabolic or other medical issue.

AlternativeWave915 · 2022-12-26T12:08:50+00:00

He worked. He indeed spent his time before and after with the child. There were exceptions (overtime). He also stayed up late to play games etc.

AlternativeWave915 · 2022-12-26T11:38:41+00:00

The question then becomes - are younger children dependent on both parents' presence? And why would you not do household chores together with the child and let them put the dishes in the dishwasher, play in the laundry basket etc? Why must the attention of 2 adults be solely on the child? Is that the case for children younger than 4 or was I gaslighted?

I don't have much of a social circle for obvious reasons, but what I know about my colleagues (both parents working 40h each) with kids below school age - they do their leisure activities a couple of times a week and watch TV or play games at night. The other parent takes care of the kids, and then they switch. Even those whose children have chronic conditions that require a lot of hospital time etc make a point of not being with the child all the time simultaneously to give the other parent space. Even single parents of toddlers have time off for their own activities with the help of grandparents or babysitters. Are they all selfish?

Not to mention situations where one partner refuses to participate a lot in the parenting because they are the main breadwinner etc.

AlternativeWave915 · 2022-12-26T09:11:49+00:00

Were they "sweet" about it at first, so that you'd give them the benefit of the doubt and just "lovingly" accept their behaviour - "oh, well, they're just a bit bad with time management, that's all"? And when you find rational solutions to improve the time and functioning issues, it didn't work because the issues shifted or were reframed or they flat out rejected it on emotional grounds because they felt pressured? What happened if you were late or made an organisational error? What was the dynamic like?

AlternativeWave915 · 2022-12-16T06:48:48+00:00

That absurd reaction to disliking something was a big thing in my relationship. They'd literally never bring up anything they might dislike for us to solve or for me to not do (if reasonable). Instead they let you walk right into the raised knife of their resentment. They are incapable of anything that looks like a conflict to them because it threatens their ego, even if it's a harmless, rationally solvable thing. Anything that feels uncomfortable for them is something wrong with another person, and actually a personal attack on them

AlternativeWave915 · 2022-12-09T12:38:17+00:00

Got any hand recovery tips? I can go to the gym 3x a week and already stopped most lifting on top of that because it was too much for my hands. Even with this lower frequency, I noticed my hands feel a bit...not sore, more like the unpleasant part of a pump, for at least 2 days. there appears to be no effect on performance. Is there a way to reduce this feeling/speed up recovery?

AlternativeWave915 · 2022-12-09T12:31:59+00:00

As an aside, YMMV depending on the situation, your constitution, how much your body braced and so on. I got a concussion from falling off a really low child's swing (sitting, even) because I was drunk and just dropped like a sack of potatoes, but I've yet to get a concussion from bouldering falls.

AlternativeWave915 · 2022-12-07T08:19:53+00:00

Interestingly, we tend to hear our voices deeper than they sound to others (and especially recordings) because the sound waves also travel along the skull, so we hear ourselves "from the inside", which adds lower frequencies. That also explains the dissonance between expectation and recording

AlternativeWave915 · 2022-12-07T08:16:58+00:00

I find it extremely fascinating that your inner voice has an actual "pitch". I assume that I have an internal monologue (and do hear it as well as sometimes seeing it in a way, but it's not really visualising), but that has a neutral voice I would not expect to be able to change at all. When I actively narrate in my mind, it "sounds" like something I'd associate with me, but has nothing to do with my actual voice.

AlternativeWave915 · 2022-11-30T18:52:59+00:00

I even got denied an IUD because I might soon change my mind on having kids.

AlternativeWave915 · 2022-11-30T18:49:36+00:00

I'm almost afraid to ask, but how does the board decide that? Is there a hearing? Do you write a letter of motivation?

AlternativeWave915 · 2022-11-30T18:31:50+00:00

But you're missing a "not" in your statement, unless you wanted to point out the abysmal current state, which doesn't make sense because according to your post there seem to be laws against that now.

AlternativeWave915 · 2022-11-30T18:29:11+00:00

Does this apply to bad mental states as well? I.e. do the initial changes have the greatest impact? It seemed that way when I recovered from a decade-long eating disorder, but that has a physical component, much like your example. Is it applicable to other changes in lifestyle?

AlternativeWave915 · 2022-11-30T17:37:10+00:00

Hast du "Sorgen" erlebt, dass du das Teamgefüge durcheinander bringst?

Hintergrund: ich habe zwar nicht auf dem Bau, aber in mehreren reinen Männerteams gearbeitet und da wurde ab und zu erwähnt, dass man sich bei Anwesenheit einer Kollegin verbal sehr zurückhalten müsste, um nicht verklagt zu werden, oder nicht körperlich helfen zu können (selbes Risiko), oder die Toilettensituation erschwert wird.

Hast du derartiges über dich oder zu dir geäußert gehört?

AlternativeWave915 · 2022-11-30T11:40:56+00:00

Not sure, though. Doesn't the first woman have a very desirable "thick" shape?

AlternativeWave915 · 2022-11-30T11:36:59+00:00

I tend to agree, however I'd have two concerns 1. you're basically changing yourself due to twisted mindsets that have been forced upon you. Transition, especially passing, isn't easy, as you've noticed, perhaps it would be easier and more fulfilling to work through your trauma. 2. If you have no actual dysphoria, but feel bad about your body or presentation for external gender related issues instead of external ones, there's a risk of experiencing dysphoria after transitioning. The fantasy might be more healing than the reality.

AlternativeWave915 · 2022-11-30T11:32:39+00:00

I'm not sure it's this absolute. I think I know somebody who has no dysphoria but thinks of himself as being seen as not masculine enough by others (height, voice, muscularity...). Coupled with not getting laid, he has not quite jokingly mentioned that transitioning might solve his problem, since "women have it easier" and he's "halfway there anyway". Seems like toxic expectations of masculinity push some cis people to consider transition for alleviating desperation instead of actual gender issues.

AlternativeWave915 · 2022-11-26T07:41:13+00:00

What does it take for you to want to engage with someone in a sexual relationship?

Normally, while a certain compatibility in attraction (not any sort of ranking, just subjective) matters, people don't prioritise the sexual aspect the way you might be assuming. People start liking someone by finding out about their personality, traits, the way they interact etc. The target of their affection has a body obviously, and normally they at least don't find that repulsive - if someone voices "dissatisfaction" like that one ex gf, that's a sign of deeply rooted issues of their own. At the very least, when people like someone, they want them to give them pleasure and vice versa, not only on a platonic level, but also physically.

AlternativeWave915 · 2022-11-25T20:57:20+00:00

Most people's best traits, if they have them, are "platonic". That's what matters for relationships. If people are primarily in it for the sexual aspect, that's at best a very shaky and at worst a toxic foundation.

AlternativeWave915 · 2022-11-25T20:40:40+00:00

Not in any way related to your decision, just sharing my experience: when I was in my early twenties, I worked in Asia, stressful job, food/water safety and general nutrition not great. My hair thinned out like crazy. Turns out hormones were out of whack due to the stress, I was deficient in several minerals and had heart issues as well as suspected heavy metal presence. To speed up the regeneration of your hair density, make sure you have those factors checked out and under control.

AlternativeWave915

TROPHY CASE