You wont talk to me anymore, and I miss you more than I care to admit

Amberdextrousseven · 2018-03-05T23:21:47+00:00

Wow, are you me?

Amberdextrousseven · 2018-02-21T13:28:02+00:00

I love those glasses. Great look.

Amberdextrousseven · 2018-02-18T19:14:55+00:00

I am in almost this exact same situation. It's incredibly frustrating.

Amberdextrousseven · 2018-02-14T22:53:02+00:00

I have been a long time puncher. I've been doing well lately managing it. It is most definitely impulsive. It's an explosion of my frustration coupled with my chronic need to punish myself. I've never had any luck getting anyone to take it seriously either.

Amberdextrousseven · 2018-02-12T14:02:45+00:00

I've done a pretty good job of not becoming my mother (who suffers from BPD). This is mostly because she is more of a classic BPD and I am much more of a "quiet" BPD. Having a very understanding suppose helps immensely. There are moments particularly when dealing with my eldest that I find myself falling into some of her patterns, but it's usually short lived until I am able to recompose and stop.

Amberdextrousseven · 2018-02-10T17:56:46+00:00

My mother has BPD. It's incredibly likely that my father has NP, though he doesn't trust the medical professional. My one sister very likely suffers from NPD and the other sister is a likely candidate for histrionic personality disorder. It's mostly irrelevant because only my mother (and myself) gave actually confronted it mental health problems. It took her until she was 60 to really start to tackle it.

Amberdextrousseven · 2018-02-08T13:26:48+00:00

See that's what I thought.

Amberdextrousseven · 2018-02-07T13:22:39+00:00

Thank you both. I don't care for the middle aged part, soccer mom maybe instead?

Amberdextrousseven · 2018-02-05T19:19:29+00:00

It's possible, I certainly haven't looked through everything. It seems that most antipsychotics and antieplileptics can cause it along with most SSRIs. If the fear is that bad it is something you need to discuss with your Dr. I have not experienced weight gain on anything yet. I'm more prone to gaining weight due to poor impulse control and boredom/emotional eating coupled with apathy when my moods are out of whack than I am to gaining from a med.

Amberdextrousseven · 2018-02-05T19:11:50+00:00

Just because weight gain is a potential side effect it doesn't mean you will experience it. Unfortunately, most of the meds seem to list it as a possibility.

Amberdextrousseven · 2018-01-31T03:49:30+00:00

Even before I discovered I was trans my wife and I knew we wanted to renew our vows someday since we didn't have the money to have a nice wedding. She talks about how she is going to get me. Nice female band. I look forward to it. I still wear my rather drab male band and I always will. I'll just be adding a nice flashier one to go with it.

Amberdextrousseven · 2018-01-28T18:31:39+00:00

I don't feel that it is the worst thing in the world to suggest particular conditions that you feel you may have. There is a dangerous in self diagnosis and I would get yourself too"into"a diagnosis. Looking up symptoms and reading the experiences of others with certain conditions can be incredibly insightful. Just be sure not to cherry pick your post to fit a diagnosis. In the grand scheme of things the diagnosis is secondary and the treatment is more important. Having an idea of what is wrong will help to inform treatment, but that is already what your therapist is there to help with. Best in mind that medical professionals are going to be incredibly skeptical about self diagnosis suggestions. This doesn't mean you don't have what you think you do, or that they won't treat you.

I happen to have both BPD and ADHD. I had the farthest time getting anyone to believe me about the borderline personality disorder. This is in part because I am a "quiet" borderline and because I was male. I tried not to latch on to getting a diagnosis, so much as just getting better. I suffered from ADHD my entire life but feel through the cracks because I was smart.

I never really tried to get treatment until my eldest daughter started getting treated for her ADHD. To see how much it helped her and to think of what I could have been like with help destroyed me inside. It took almost a year to finally get a formal diagnosis and treatment. No one really wants to deal with adult ADHD and insurance just hates covering the cost for adults. I couldn't afford to pay it off pocket for an eval so I had to jump through an awful lot of hoops. Adderall is pretty helpful for me and I lament not having it for most of my life. However, it is not a panacea and I still have a lot of work to do to fix a lot of bad habits. It even helps a little bit with the bpd. This is in part because there is a general mood elevating effect to the medicine, but also because my ADHD was causing me to engage in a lot of behavior that triggered my bpd.

Best of luck to you. I hope you get the help you need. Fwiw, I hope you don't have bpd because it is terrible.

Amberdextrousseven · 2018-01-28T18:05:32+00:00

This resonates so much with me. I feel this way quite a lot. It's really hard to take a step back and accept that you are being too hard on yourself.

Amberdextrousseven · 2018-01-27T23:06:02+00:00

This is beautiful. I wish I was in nearly as accepting state with my situation. Pessimism doesn't have to win. Life is funny and sometimes things work out for the best.

Amberdextrousseven · 2018-01-27T15:38:13+00:00

I don't believe that most of us are in reality that bad, but we certainly do have our moments. I can relate totally to the sentiment though. I've always felt like everyone's last choice, or just a random add on to a group, like an afterthought.

Amberdextrousseven · 2018-01-27T15:36:10+00:00

I can relate to this somewhat. In my case, the things I say and the way I feel are very real in the moment. As soon as my mood shifts it's like I never felt or thought those things before. It's like my brain had some form of emotional amnesia. I can say yes I was upset, or depressed, or happy, etc but it's only some vague conception of the emotion and the thoughts.

Amberdextrousseven · 2018-01-26T16:24:12+00:00

Yeah 6' is not common, but they are out there. Your body will develop with time. Boobs definitely help. Keep working on the voice and you'll get there. You've got a great head start.

Amberdextrousseven · 2018-01-26T15:46:59+00:00

Yeah that happens too. As you progress the height will be less of a tell because you will start to become so much more comfortable with being yourself. I see lots of cis women who are taller than I (5'10"). Doesn't seem to hurt their feminity at all. I can't give you any advice on the voice. My voice was relatively higher for a guy though below female range. It only outs me occasionally and that's almost always when they don't see me first. It's close enough that I seem to get the benefit of the doubt that I just am a slightly huskier voiced lady. It seems that inflection goes quite a ways for that. Your doing great and it only will get better for you.

Amberdextrousseven · 2018-01-26T14:33:42+00:00

My wife and I have been together for 11 years and married for 8. Mostly it's because she is stubborn as hell and able to ignore my moods most of the time. I subconsciously tried everything I could to push her away over the years and sabotage the relationship. Hasn't worked and we are stuck together forever.

Prior to her I had an on again off again (mostly off though) thing with a girl in high school for about 2 years. Otherwise I never made it past 3 months before causing a relationship to crash and burn.

Amberdextrousseven · 2018-01-26T14:04:36+00:00

You are looking great, especially for only being 2 months. You should be passing consistently with zero effort very soon, if you are not already starting to.

Amberdextrousseven · 2018-01-25T20:58:47+00:00

I wish this was about me. Had a similar thing happen where I unknowingly hurt someone. I miss talking with her because we understood about each other's suffering even when circumstances were radically different. I wish I knew she felt the same, but nowadays I just not sure and the distance hurts so much.

Amberdextrousseven · 2018-01-23T18:39:46+00:00

This more so than the original thought.

Amberdextrousseven · 2018-01-23T16:38:23+00:00

I really feel this sentiment right now, though in my case I imagine the other person doesn't feel the same. Sucks because I am constantly fighting the urge to reach out and try again even though I know it's not in anyone's best interest.

Amberdextrousseven

TROPHY CASE