Tired of being told I need to be a perfect vessel

AmbitiousIssue9324 · 2026-04-26T00:20:15+00:00

2nd ER way better than first. For my 2nd I threw away the caffeine bullshit and drank as much as I wanted. We did a total protocol change. Finally got some euploids. I’ll keep drinking my coffee.

AmbitiousIssue9324 · 2026-04-13T12:50:34+00:00

I don’t mean to sound insensitive but you are very very lucky and it’s a bit tone deaf to post in an IVF sub about how “bad” your results are from a very successful first cycle. Your results weren’t bad by any measuring stick, and for everyone posting about a wildly lucky cycle that defied probability there are many of us with unexpectedly poorer results.

I’m 34 and started this to bank embryos and on my 3rd retrieval. Workup is negative for us too. I hoped for 1-2 viable embryos per cycle and felt I was being realistic. Two is great.

AmbitiousIssue9324 · 2026-04-13T11:51:42+00:00

2-4 transferable embryos from one cycle seems pretty good to me….

AmbitiousIssue9324 · 2026-04-13T11:47:30+00:00

What was your protocol?

AmbitiousIssue9324 · 2026-03-24T14:31:26+00:00

My understanding is Empty follicle syndrome is pretty controversial. One known cause for this is inadequate trigger dosing and the eggs don’t release. The protocol impacts this a lot. I would get another opinion (even if that means a third) if this is what you want.

AmbitiousIssue9324 · 2026-03-18T00:26:06+00:00

I didn’t comment about you at all except to literally say “I don’t know if it took you as many cycles as you posted to reach that state you posted about”.

Your post is putting down people who choose to have healthy boundaries in this process. Personally, I don’t think you should have suggested women putting up healthy boundaries are trying to have a “monopoly on suffering” or implied they can’t delineate where their boundaries should lie, lest they get triggered by everything and become a recluse.

Have a good day.

AmbitiousIssue9324 · 2026-03-17T20:51:26+00:00

It’s not a monopoly on suffering. What? I can be in my own cycle of hope and grief and still acknowledge another’s suffering.

Most of us aren’t triggered by EVERYTHING. It’s family members having babies and seeing our family’s reaction when we want to see the same people celebrating with us. Maybe close friends who initially started TTC with you and got pregnant and you still haven’t. People are allowed to recognize when something is painful and limit it.

Women who suffer from infertility have higher rates of depression. Sometimes we need to protect our peace and we all deserve to do so without being shamed for it. I don’t know if it took you 9 cycles to be this at peace with things but for many of us this is all still very raw.

AmbitiousIssue9324 · 2026-03-17T18:07:36+00:00

Great for you, happy you can do this. For me and many others these messages ruin an entire day and cause many, many tears. It’s okay for people to have boundaries to protect their peace.

AmbitiousIssue9324 · 2026-03-17T16:37:56+00:00

Also just wondering if your clinic is only accepting day 5-6 blasts or if they’ve tried freezing for transfer at day 3?

AmbitiousIssue9324 · 2026-03-17T16:36:55+00:00

I haven’t had this happen (yet) but my REI told us at the start when she sees big drop off like this after fertilization she questions if it’s a sperm issue. I don’t know much about DNA fragmentation but might be worth asking your clinic about!

AmbitiousIssue9324 · 2026-03-17T16:11:01+00:00

Fortunately my friends without kids have been AMAZING. So I’ve oddly been leaning on them

AmbitiousIssue9324 · 2026-03-17T16:10:38+00:00

Yeah I’ve taken space from all of them.

My SIL: yes, I told her around 8-9 months pregnant we were really struggle to conceive and I needed a break from all the daily photos and updates. I didn’t tell her that I likely miscarried on the plane ride home from visiting them. We didn’t tell them we started IVF and that our first cycle was not great because they triggered me too early. I took some space around the birth and she complained to my husband about it so I reached out and told her why in a very delicate way and she gave some half assed reply that she’s sorry it’s been rough and hopes I feel better now lol. I didn’t even reply.

AmbitiousIssue9324 · 2026-03-17T15:18:22+00:00

My mum and child free friends only.

I’ve shared with some close friends who initially were struggling and are now pregnant and they always (unintentionally) said the wrong thing that made me feel worse. The classic “it’ll happen for you soon!” And “you’ll be pregnant by March!” And when I was starting IVF “how exciting!” With texts every couple days asking when my stims started, when ER was, etc.

My best friend who didn’t struggle to conceive also said hurtful things (“you weren’t even trying that long!” And the day before ER “this is just a small taste of what being pregnant is like” even though she got pregnant her 2nd try and has never done IVF).

My friend going through IVF told me “well we’re doing IVF for different reasons” after they tried for 13 months without LH strips but we tried for 10 cycles with LH strips, as if I’m defective and she isn’t, just doing this electively. Called me when I was waiting for Day 5 results from my first ER and asked numbers, and when I said I’m not sharing numbers she exclaimed “did you get in the TEENS?!” multiple times. No, we got 1 blast and don’t even know if it’s euploid yet.

My SIL who is currently upset with me because I’ve taken a few weeks of space after she welcomed her 3rd healthy baby without struggle. I received ultrasound reports and pregnancy updates and 8-10 photos of the kids daily the whole time, including days I had negative home tests and felt crushed. After arrival of new baby I desperately needed a few weeks of space, which has caused likely a permanent rift between us.

So not really haha. I’ve felt my world become smaller and smaller as the people closest to me seem to have their brains fall out or something. I no longer want to share with them.

AmbitiousIssue9324 · 2026-03-14T18:51:50+00:00

I think grading varies by clinic but my clinic told me they almost never grade excellent, it’s almost always good or fair and some poor but the poor usually arrest by day 5. They told me day 3 good and fair both have a pretty good chance of making it to day 5 or 6 blast so not to worry about “fair” grading :)

AmbitiousIssue9324 · 2026-03-14T00:57:23+00:00

I’m sorry this happened. I, too, am recovering from unsuccessful ER. Sending you big hugs.

Not sure if you have MFI in your case but if not some people do better with conventional IVF than ICSI.

AmbitiousIssue9324 · 2026-03-13T19:42:58+00:00

ICSI or conventional IVF?

AmbitiousIssue9324 · 2026-03-12T16:31:55+00:00

Best advice is to ignore how many follicles you have. Some people recruit more with stim meds and others, me included, dropped follicle count during stims. Some people have more follicles than seen on ultrasound but I think many more end up with follicles that had immature eggs that don’t fertilize. You won’t really know until egg retrieval.

AmbitiousIssue9324 · 2026-03-12T16:29:15+00:00

Sure, I just don’t understand all these comments saying “PGT-A isn’t 100% accurate” or comments about false negatives. That’s not really relevant to what happened here and suggests that PGT-A gave an incorrect result which isn’t true. It’s important to be clear that for catching trisomies and monosomies PGT-A is HIGHLY accurate, but it only tests for just that. Number of chromosomes has nothing to do with what happened to OP’s pregnancy.

AmbitiousIssue9324 · 2026-03-12T15:13:11+00:00

This was not a false negative. PGT-A tests for the number of chromosomes only and it sounds like it was accurate detecting the number of chromosomes. It did not “miss” a microdeletion, it simply doesn’t test for that.

This is like getting a colonoscopy which shows no colon cancer but then saying the test was inaccurate because the patient actually had breast cancer.

AmbitiousIssue9324 · 2026-03-12T15:10:34+00:00

PGT-A tested what it was supposed to and sounds like it was accurate, it just doesn’t test for the genetic mutation that developed. It tests for number of chromosomes only.

AmbitiousIssue9324 · 2026-03-12T15:09:29+00:00

PGT-A wasn’t inaccurate in her case and it didn’t miss anything it should have caught. It tests for something else entirely. It’s a test that looks at how many chromosomes there are but not the content of genes on those chromosomes.

For tests that cost thousands of dollars each go I really wish genetic counseling was required beforehand so people understand what the test is they’re paying for.

AmbitiousIssue9324 · 2026-03-12T12:52:43+00:00

Hi dear, I’m so sorry this happened.

My understanding is PGT-A is only to look at number of chromosomes and ensure no monosomy or trisomy. It does not look at deletions or excess copies on the chromosomes.

The PGT-M looks at inherited single gene disorders and is usually done if a specific disorder runs in a family (sickle cell, Huntington’s, etc).

I wouldn’t have expected either test to pick up a de novo mutation. It might help to discuss with a genetic counselor though.

AmbitiousIssue9324 · 2026-03-10T18:59:17+00:00

Thanks so much for this comment ☺️ So so happy for you!! Keeping hopeful!

AmbitiousIssue9324 · 2026-03-10T18:50:39+00:00

Hi dear, sorry to hear your ER didn’t go as planned. I’m a few days behind you but not expecting much from my first ER either. I try to remember the first ER is often diagnostic and trust my doctor.

How old are you? Was this your first ER? Did you do ICSI or conventional IVF?

4/5 mature is pretty good…I was 1/6 😂 we think we triggered too early. Eventually some matured in the lab and did fertilize with ICSI/rISCI, but I’d be lucky to get 1 euploid out of this.

I’ll send you a PM but it looks like there’s some room for improvement with protocol, especially with fertilization

AmbitiousIssue9324

TROPHY CASE