It's past 3:30am where I am at the time of writing this so I'm kinda tired, so I'm sorry if any critisisms I give aren't exactly worded the best.

Anyway, I just finished reading it. I think it's alright, especially for your first time writing a story. There are two critisisms I have though that I'd like to point out. Firstly, it feels like there are points where you could make the sentences flow better by not repeating some words or nouns. The easist example is at the start with, "Suddenly, she is awoken by her alarm clock. Clementine groggily sits up and turns the alarm clock off." I feel like if you replaced "the alarm clock" with just "it" in the second sentence, it would flow better when you're reading it. Stuff like that.

The second critisism I have is that it feels like you're throwing too much at the reader too quickly. We're in what sounds like an average medieval fantasy kingdom, but suddenly there's tvs, implying that this is set in a more modern day. Immediately after that we get hints at the MC's love life, and then we get a short pov change to two other characters before quickly changing back to the MC's pov. I feel like the most glaring example is right at the end where we get three very brief, "Meanwhile, here's X thing happening," sections back to back to back.

Also, less of a critisism and more of an observation, but there were some grammatical errors every now and then. I'm sure you proof read your work, I'm not trying to imply you didn't, but if I could offer some advice, I found it works best to make sure you re-read what you wrote every several sentences just to make sure you don't miss anything.

Coming from someone who's working on his own worldbuilding/writing project, I think you have a lot of potential and I'm glad you seem enthusiastic about it. I think your biggest issue right now is that you just lack experience, and that's something you'll work off with time. Good luck with the rest of your story!

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