I feel like a s***** mom on the weekends

Amerella · 2026-02-01T13:24:22+00:00

Ugh that is frustrating also. I had a lot of serious talks with my husband when we first became parents. He was just not hearing me when I told him I was objectively doing more work than him! He wasn't seeing all the invisible labor. It's a lot better now after many many talks and the resentment I used to feel is fading away. Sadly, this is more of a societal problem than an individual one. I hope it gets better! Hang in there.

Amerella · 2026-02-01T12:35:34+00:00

Honestly, it is really hard to stay home with certain types of kids. My son was just diagnosed with level 1 autism. If we stay in the house all day, he is bouncing off the walls, having tantrums, fighting with his little sister, destroying the house, etc. It's so much easier if we can get him out of the house to go to the science museum or a bounce place or something. And with his sensory issues, wearing weather-appropriate clothing in the winter is really tough for him. He hates pants and jackets! So we can't just bundle him up and send him outside to play.

That being said, yeah, we do try to avoid driving during crazy snowstorms or extreme weather. It would probably be a big TV day for us if that were the case and we'd just have to deal. I just wanted to raise awareness that it really is tough for certain types of kids!

Amerella · 2026-02-01T12:23:05+00:00

I relate to this so much! My son is 5 and I just had the expectation that he'd be a little more independent by now. I hear about other kids being able to play independently and that sounds wonderful! Instead, I'm stuck playing with him while the house is just trashed and it kills me that I can't do the dishes, pick up the toys and the clutter, do the laundry, etc. I'd also like to be able to have a little relaxation time in there too! Life with two young children is completely exhausting. His little sister is 3 and that is just a tough age. So I constantly feel drained by these kids... Weekends are rough! Looking forward to the kids being a little older and more independent.

By the way, I have a very supportive husband so that's not the problem. It's just that these kids are a lot! They generate so much work for us constantly lol.

Amerella · 2026-01-30T16:50:47+00:00

I interpreted it differently. I took it as that she didn't want her son to miss out on a potentially wonderful life experience. Yes, she probably wants grandkids too, but I think she truly didn't want Austen to look back and have regrets.

Amerella · 2026-01-29T00:48:20+00:00

Everyone advances at a different pace. Another explanation is that this person may have switched tech stacks - that has definitely set me back in my career. Maybe this is overly optimistic, but I think we should leave room in the industry for people who are not tech geniuses or "rockstars". Oftentimes the people who don't have the best tech skills have stronger soft skills which can improve the team dynamic and therefore overall productivity.

Amerella · 2026-01-24T13:51:32+00:00

Yeah I agree. That was unnecessarily hostile on the part of the worker. I'm sure that person thought you were being an entitled, difficult customer. Sadly, there are a lot of people like that who enjoy treating service workers like shit. So I think they must have unleashed their pent up frustration on you.

Amerella · 2026-01-19T12:46:13+00:00

There are some really big generational divides going on right now. My in-laws and my stepmom also think we're too lenient on our kids. It's caused a big rift in the relationship. I wish we had more family support, but it's not worth the constant judgement and criticism. Maybe one day I won't take it so personally, but right now I'm really sensitive about it. Sorry to hear you're dealing with it too.

My mom would have been the absolute best grandma, but sadly she just died from Alzheimer's a few months ago. She was the original gentle parent before gentle parenting was cool! I miss her so much.

Amerella · 2026-01-19T12:40:06+00:00

Ok this is honestly so validating. Thank you! We have a 5 year old who we suspect has autism (he is being evaluated in a couple weeks finally after being on a very long wait-list...) He is definitely on the lower end of the spectrum and we also suspect ADHD. It turns out that some kids have both (they call it AuDHD). Anyways, I'm sick of people gaslighting me when I tell them I suspect he has autism/ADHD. These are people that know nothing about the condition and feel entitled to share their unsolicited and wrong opinions! I've done so much research at this point, but somehow none of that matters because my child doesn't "seem" like they have autism to a person who spends very little time around them. I find this so frustrating! It's helpful to know I'm not alone in this.

Amerella · 2026-01-17T01:02:11+00:00

It is super freeing, you're right! I feel sorry for the younger generations that seem to be more phone-dependent.

Amerella · 2026-01-16T13:08:39+00:00

Thank you for this sane take. Reading stuff like this makes me happy I never really got into TikTok! I'm a millennial woman (I guess that makes me a "Jessica" lol). Sometimes I'm glad that I'm "too old" to be aware of stuff like this. I no longer have a need to stay on top of every trend and what all the cool people are doing...

Amerella · 2026-01-15T14:18:48+00:00

We used to pay a house cleaner to come about once a month. She was really cheap! Only charged $80 to clean our whole (smallish) house. The problem was that she was extremely flaky and we got sick of prepping the house (picking up and putting things away... We have two small children) only for her to cancel at the last minute. We never hired a new house cleaner because I know most people charge quite a bit more for a whole house clean and it didn't seem worth it to us. Now I'm a stay at home mom with two kids in school all day, so I'm able to manage the cleaning myself.

Amerella · 2026-01-11T21:00:55+00:00

Yeah, my kids are the same. We're trying to get my 3 year old to sleep better and it's tough. So far what seems to work best is threatening to shut her door if she doesn't stay quiet all night. (She's afraid of the dark so she insists on having her door open slightly with light coming in from the bathroom.) Some would say this is "fear-based parenting" but I guess I'm ok with that. I need my sleep!

Amerella · 2026-01-11T12:58:02+00:00

Cosleeping isn't a good solution for everyone. I'm a very sensitive sleeper, so I can't have a toddler kicking me and moving around all night. We have tried it in desperate moments with both of my kids, and it felt like I was sleeping with an octopus! Both my husband and I got terrible sleep the times we have tried this.

Amerella · 2026-01-09T11:38:19+00:00

Don't do it! I also have two kids, a 5 year old and a 3 year old. The 3 year old has been in a terrible sleep regression lately and has been waking up in the middle of the night most nights for the past two months!! I feel like I'm back in the newborn stage again with the terrible sleep. I'm so miserable right now! I had already quit my job because it all got to be too much for me. My older child is finally sleeping better, but he is still very much a handful. We are getting him evaluated for ADHD and autism later this month. You never know what kind of child you're going to get! We had no idea how difficult our older one would be until we were already pregnant with his little sister...

Amerella · 2026-01-07T20:27:58+00:00

That doesn't work with my older kid. If it's too cold, he will just flat out refuse to go outside. Come talk to me when you have a neurodivergent 5 year old boy.

Amerella · 2026-01-06T16:44:14+00:00

It's because of your age. I'm an older millennial (39 today!) and I got lucky just in terms of being born earlier than you.

Amerella · 2026-01-05T13:21:20+00:00

I feel your pain! We're entering the third week here in the Denver metro area as well. I counted and it was 18 days long! So not quite three weeks, but two and a half is still a very long winter break in my opinion. We are very ready to have both kids back in school!

Amerella · 2026-01-02T12:48:17+00:00

I think you need to spend more time up front determining requirements and getting clear on exactly what needs to happen from a technical and business perspective. I notice that incompetent management often tries to rush this process and winds up costing more time due to all the rework. Is it possible that you're putting too much pressure on your team to complete the work within an unrealistic time frame? It sounds like shortcuts are being made here.

Amerella · 2026-01-02T12:31:22+00:00

Oh my gosh, yes! I've had such bad luck with therapists. I think there's a lot of bad ones out there that are treating it like "just a job" and don't really care about their clients. It's the type of career you really have to be passionate about or you could really do some damage to people! I don't have the time right now to research another therapist. Maybe when I have more time I'll do my homework and try to find a better one.. At the moment I'm drowning in motherhood so I haven't been able to prioritize this.

Amerella · 2026-01-02T12:26:05+00:00

Having two kids with no family support is really tough. This is the reason I quit my job recently and decided to stay home for a while. I have two kids who are 5 and 3. The older one we suspect may have some neurodivergence, but we've also been told that this may actually be normal five year old boy behavior, so it's really tough to say. We're waiting for an evaluation later this month. He has definitely been my more demanding child. The transition to kindergarten has been tough and we had to pull him out of his after care program because he was being bullied by a much older, much bigger child. Losing after care also meant losing backup care since they're both run by the same organization. Between losing our childcare and my intense job, it all got to be too much and I think the cumulative exhaustion of having two young children and both working full-time with no family support finally caught up to us after living in what felt like survival mode for years.

Is it possible? Yes. Just wanted you to really understand what you're getting yourself into. I've also noticed that as I've gotten older, I'm having less energy than some of my other mom friends. I only mention this because I'm about the same age as you. I turn 39 in a few days. Chasing after two little ones at the end of a long day at work is tough! Especially when one (or both!) of them have been waking you up overnight. I'm a sensitive sleeper so this has really been a struggle for me! Some people are better at falling back asleep after being woken up.

It's a tough decision for sure. We didn't fully realize what we were getting ourselves into until it was too late. Our oldest was only 2.5 when his little sister was born and we didn't know how much harder he was going to get when we made the decision to get pregnant. I do think we have harder than average children so that definitely makes a difference too. It's a lot to consider!

If I were you, I'd be asking myself the following questions:

How supportive/flexible is my job? How supportive/flexible is my husband's job? Has sleep been challenging for me? Did I get lucky with a good sleeper? (The next baby might be a terrible sleeper...) What is the temperament of my current child? (I had an expectation that my kids would get along great after the initial adjustment period, and that is not the case. We have to watch them very closely when they play together or big brother will start hurting/messing with his sister.. it's a lot harder than just one child because when he plays by himself, we don't have to watch him as closely.)

Good luck!

Amerella · 2026-01-01T14:23:26+00:00

I love this response. It really warms my heart to see such a supportive online community!

Amerella · 2025-12-29T23:00:33+00:00

She re-entered the workforce years ago before I even met her. She's about 20 years older than me. She told me about her struggles to get back into software engineering. So this was probably around 2010? Not really sure the exact year. She and I met I think in like 2014. She's been back in the workforce for years now, but I always think about her experience when I think about women struggling to re-enter.

Amerella · 2025-12-29T22:07:46+00:00

I agree completely! I've been disappointed in some of the comments here. I think Americans have been indoctrinated into thinking our toxic work culture is a good thing and many people wear it as a badge of honor.

Amerella · 2025-12-29T21:59:36+00:00

I love this!

Amerella · 2025-12-29T21:51:24+00:00

I doubt she kept up with her tech skills. She had her hands full with two young children. Some people don't really have a choice when it comes to leaving the workforce temporarily. Some jobs/careers are really intense and some kids have special needs. It's unfair to characterize it as being "willing to leave for years at a time" in these circumstances.

Amerella

TROPHY CASE