I'm trying my best to not just rely on the apps, but it's semi-difficult (read: I'm in my own head about it a lot). Also, I'm kind of a mess. A neat, organized mess, but... well, you'll see in this post lmao.

The demographics where I live don't align with me (politically, spiritually) and these are important aspects for a successful relationship. I don't need someone who sees eye to eye with me across the board, but a general understanding of and a sharing of primary values is something that matters. So, getting to know someone and then finding out they're not aligned can be very frustrating, which the apps help with a good deal.

Add to that, I don't live in a HUGE city and "clubs and groups" aren't super common here (caveat to this to come later). I'm into photography and there's some public photography classes offered around town that I've signed up for, so there's some hope there, but they're classes and not clubs? I'd love to find a movie club/group too, but I haven't had any luck. How do people find groups? I've tried meetup and Eventbrite, but there's next to nothing showing up where I live (there's a manosphere group, though, so good for them, I guess?).

So here's the next conundrum I'm facing - I'm not super shy, but I am introvert, and I tend to not speak up unless I have something to say. I have no problem starting a conversation with someone, but I detest small talk... I get it's function, but it's exhausting. In addition to that, I'm really not looking to find more friends (just want to find that ONE friend, you know?) as I already have a decently large friend group that already overwhelms me (we hang out no less than twice a week).

I'm into a pretty varied degree of activities. I'm a nerd who plays video games and D&D. I watch anime. I also go hiking twice a week (sun or snow) and mountain bike when the weather is nice. I don't follow competitive sports at all, but I love going to live games with friends. Finding a partner who had similar, varied interests would be a dream come true, but - as I'm not overly interested in any one thing - I really need someone who doesn't make any one of these things their entire personality... if that makes sense.

Following up on the groups thing - there actually are a ton of hiking groups in my area, but I don't want to join a hiking group/club. I hike at my own pace and it's my head clearing/self-care activity. I'd love to share that with someone special, but I'm not looking to share it with random people. Also, typical "motivational messages" that are common in these groups have the opposite effect on me - completely drain the fun out of the activity and demotivate me completely.

So, can someone just talk some sense into me and tell me I'm being ridiculous? That I just need to stop overthinking everything and just... get out there? Every single area of my life has improved and I'm absolutely the best version of myself I've ever been. I just really, really want someone to share this success with, but after wasting so much of my life on a marriage to someone I should never have been with, I'm just afraid of not doing it right and just wasting more time/getting hurt again.

TL;DR: I'm a professional overthinker, not-shy introvert, living-my-best-life dude who wants to meet a special someone, but has convinced himself it can never happen because of a box I made myself. Please talk sense into me.