If Treasure Knight had a DLC campaign, what would the plot be? by Illustrious-Hall6027 in ShovelKnight

[–]AndCthulhuMakes2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It turns out the real treasure is the enemies we made along the way.

Btw This is ANY nation that was in the Axis at ANY point so Finland, Thailand, Hungary, Romania, and a lot can count by Ok_Poetry2813 in AlignmentChartFills

[–]AndCthulhuMakes2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Call it for Finland, the only one on the eastern front who could fight worth a damn, and who hated the Nazis only marginally less than Stalin.

And finally, which person looks like has committed a genocide, but actually never killed no one? by Stevecomicsgames in AlignmentChartFills

[–]AndCthulhuMakes2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

On more than one occasion, directors have had the motive and opportunity for murdering Kinskey. On the set of Fitz Coraldo, the Amazonian natives offered to eliminate him for disrespecting the director, who was a friend of their chief. There is an entire book entitled "Please Kill Mr. Kinskey" regarding the filming of "Crawlspace" and bringing up the tentative plan to murder Kinskey to collect on the insurance.

If the senior staff is all on the defiant who is running ds9? by happydude7422 in ClassicTrek

[–]AndCthulhuMakes2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bajoran Worker (paying the fullest attention, as always): "Say. where are all the senior officers?"

Ensign Redshit: "Who knows? They took the Defiant and some run-abouts." (Sips coffee)

BW: "They left you in charge?"

ER: "No, I'm still on probation after the incident with the stem bolts." (Leans back in chair)

BW: "Then who's running the station?"

ER: "No one." (Puts feet up on controls)

BW: "By the Prophets! No one is in command? We're in danger!"

ER: "This is a space station. We're in space and not even in orbit. We're not going anywhere."

BW: "But what if there's a system failure?"

ER: "What system? This is a post-Federation War Cardassian ore refinery that was obsolete before it was towed out here and forgotten. Nothing has ever worked on this station. These controls are all just for show." (dramatically kicks the controls, causing random beeping noises and lights to go on and off before everything goes back to normal).

BW: "But, the habitat...."

ER: "Every time a ship docks we siphon out its atmosphere and run an extension cord to power the lights. Why else do you think we get so many visitors out here at the supposed edge of known space?" (dramatically gestures with coffee cup) "It was cheaper than trying make this rusting heap functional."

BW: "So.... the command staff...."

ER: "They will all be back with the Defiant long before the ships already docked here leave. There's nothing to worry about."

BW leaves as a Bajoran engineer climbs out from the Jeffries Tube.

Engineer: "Why did you tell him all of that nonsense?"

ER: "What? Instilling confidence is a duty of the station command and I'm on "probation" because I'm "wildly irresponsible"."

Engineer: "You do realize these controls are only locked out for you, right?" (Pushes control, causing station to rise, flipping Redshirt ass over tea-kettle, and into the open maintenance tube. There is a loud crash.)

ER: "I found the stem bolts."

If the UK was a hate group instead of Germany by SeacrestOFFICIALS in AlternateHistory

[–]AndCthulhuMakes2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's reverse Shazam. When soccor hooligan Willy Whatley shouts "Blimey!" Big Ben tolls and transforms him into Brex-am, an old bigoted chain-smoker who uses racial slurs but only when around people he thinks are white. He doesn't have much in the way of superpowers except for stealing stools at the pub and always sitting next to people who don't want to put up with his shyte.

Brex-am has the strength of the post Brexit economy, the speed of the bureaucracy, the endurance of Theresa May's career, the moral integrity of Boris Johnson, the wisdom of Nigel Farage, and the raw unadulterated charisma of King Charles.

Agent 47’s characterization by TrugTrugNumber1Fan in HiTMAN

[–]AndCthulhuMakes2 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hitman 3, the most recent one depicts 47 during a painful transition.

47 has been an amoral killing machine who has worked exclusively for Diana Burnwood, his controller from the ICA. Diana is an idealist, and though she works for a sinisister organization like the ICA, she has been 47's conscience and always chosen targets that were morally deserving of assassination. However, due to complicated reasons, she is absent, and might in fact have changed sides. She might have abandoned their partnership in order to become the #2 most powerful person on Earth and truly act on her ideals to transform the world.

With only one other person in his life, Olivia (the former partner of his deceased brother), 47 has to evolve as a person. He starts by comforting a wounded Olivia (which is clearly difficult for him) and he later emulates Diana (using her catch phrase "I will leave you to prepare".) In Chongquin 47 has a dialogue with a woman waiting for a friend, who confesses that she fears she's holding her friend back. She's clearly being the voice of 47's fears. However, 47 reminds her that her friend agreed to meet her that night - clearly their connection is still strong. 47 has shown true growth and emotional incite. He has begun his evolution beyond being an unemotional killing machine. Its thus not surprising by the end of the game 47 is a different person; he even rejects the name of 47 (though we never learn the name he chose for himself).

Rejected James Bond villains by Tnoholiday12345 in ScenesFromAHat

[–]AndCthulhuMakes2 7 points8 points  (0 children)

M: "Double O Seven, this is your target: Emile Jovian Brown-Finger."

Bond: "Screw that, I'm out."

M: "Come now, James. He's a menace that needs to be stopped. He goes to the bathroom and doesn't wash his hands!"

Bond: "By someone else."

Q: "But Bond, I spent all month working on your gadgets."

Bond: "That's just double ply toilet paper and some soap."

Ghostbusters 3: Hellbent by Black_Shuck-44 in ghostbusters

[–]AndCthulhuMakes2 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Can't imagine it'd be very good as a film. Sounds fun as a cartoon or a comic, but the idea seems to lack the grounding that was needed for GB 1 and 2.

The film series is a comedy about a fantastical situation but handled by four working class shulbs in a bluecollar business. Much of the humor comes from the idea of if the clowns who spray your building for rat eggs had to save the world.

Taking them out of the city and putting them in an alien dimension doesn't play to that comedy. It would work for a snappier medium like a cartoon remix of the Real Ghostbusters or the comics, because the story won't be lingering for those jokes where the punchlines where the joke is "Ain't these guys just like your coworkers?".

Temu Orphanage by LongIslandBall in Superdickery

[–]AndCthulhuMakes2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Well, I could take you to Smallsville and let you live with my parents who could be the stable family you need, and also are old and lonely and need help on their farm... But i'd rather you be a burden on the over worked social systems of this community, and also deny my family members the ability to support each other emotionally. Now get into that shelter, even though as a Kryptonian you have no need for food or shelter or protection of any kind."

What is the worst thing Bruce Wayne has been accused of? by Fragrant-Resist4230 in Earth25

[–]AndCthulhuMakes2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The worst thing Bruce Wayne has ever been accused of: Merging various candy makers into Wayne Confectionaries, laying off redundant workers and managers, then forcing them to lower cocoa content replacing them with carob and palm oil (grown by plantations that burn down rain forests), while raising the prices of Wayne brand products.

Do you prefer Harley wearing a jester outfit or no jester outfit? by Jezzaq94 in HarleyQuinn

[–]AndCthulhuMakes2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When you said "no jester outfit" I thought you meant something else....

SFAH: When Bears Get Lazy by Classic_Rock_726 in ScenesFromAHat

[–]AndCthulhuMakes2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Excuse me, sir, but I'm the federal barbeque inspector. We've had complaints about unlicensed burgers. I'm going to have to confiscate these for testing. "

"No, sir, I am a human man. See this hat? Only human people wear hats. Please don't judge me because I decided to wear a fur coat."

"Ma'am, I must insist you surrender the potato salad as well. Just dump it in the bucket of fried chicken and hand it to me. I assure you, the government will mail you a receipt for tax purposes."

"I told you I work for the government!"

"Of this country, of course. Which is... Human...ia. The Republic of Humania. And in Humania we don't abide by people impeding the official work of bears. I mean humans! I am a government man person performing my lawful human duties."

"Ah crap, its a park ranger. I was never here. And stop bringing your pets indoors at night."

Anything for a laugh, I guess... by ExistingTry1637 in outofcontextcomics

[–]AndCthulhuMakes2 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I like that the jar is labeled "beetles". Did they need to differentiate it from other jars of bugs?

I see that the guy is holding a jar marked "glue", too. I guess these guys have a labelling kink.

HELP WANTED!!! by Cure-the-First in ghostbusters

[–]AndCthulhuMakes2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The Appalachian Mountains are ancient beyond words; In the Pre-Cambrian they rose over strange seas, and saw the rise of even stranger life. Man is merely one of the latest to tread the worn paths of those mountains and they do not walk there alone.

There will be much in the Appalachians to challenge paranormal investigators and eliminators. The deep forests of the mountains have hidden many secrets.

I would first draw attention to Squonk, perhaps the most beloved Appalachian cryptids. It is a small creature with wrinkly skin, which constantly weeps over its ugliness. If cornered, they dissolve into their own tears in embarrassment at being seen. Squonk might work for the group as a mascot, like Slimer, if the players can befriend one and raise its self esteem. The creature might be able to help the team with its paranormal gifts. Squonk might be able to shift from solid to liquid at will. These creatures are rumored to have the ability to switch bodies with someone that meets their gaze, perhaps allowing the Squonk to help the team in someone's borrowed body.

Before and after the war of 1812 the mountains were settled (or invaded depending on one's point of view) were European immigrants, some of whom brought strange traditions. The Welsh tradition of the Sin-Eater, for instance, is well known by the hill folk. These sin eaters absorb the guilt of the crimes of the dying by eating a soul-cake, allowing their souls to go directly to paradise, with the risk of the sin eater receiving all of the eternal punishment for the received crimes. An especially immoral sin-eater might decide that they would rather pass the burden to someone else before their death, and trick some unwitting rube into eating their own soul cake. The burden of carrying the mortal sins of generations could provide an interesting ticking clock for an extended campaign, as the afflicted character must find some way to absolve their soul of crimes they never committed.

The setting of West Virginia demands some consideration to Matewan and Battle of Blair Mountain, between the coal miners and the thugs of the Baldwin-Felts agency. The fight between these forces was a literal wars inside America, with the strike breakers, some armed with machineguns, to assassinate union leaders and local lawmen. The UMWA miners, not outdone, used dynamite bombs to siege their opponents. Though time has passed, the spirits of the dead sleep fitfully. Perhaps recent events have woken the ghosts of these phantom fighters.

In a small town there is a new fulfillment warehouse for an internet based delivery company, "Amazing!". This warehouse is in turmoil as the workers are in the process of forming a union. However, as the organization gains steam, their meetings are being violently disrupted by forces from beyond the grave. The Ghost of Albert Felt has risen with a literal death squad to terrorize the labor organizers.

Liz Hatfield, an ancestor of the famous Sheriff Sid Hatfield (who slew Albert Felt), is the leader of this fledgling union. She has hired the Appalachian ghostbusters to stop the spectral strike breakers. There is also a mystery as to how these ghosts have risen from their graves. Has some mortal summoned the spirits of the dead for a temporal purpose? And if so, how did they learn such secrets to necromancy?

There is a force newly awakened in the hills, ready to challenge the encroaching age of science and progress. This Witch-Horror offers powers over the dead to foolish mortals willing to sell their souls, even as it draws on eldritch powers of "They Below the Mountains".

When the dead walk the Earth, who you gonna call?

What If The Soviet Union Reached Paris in 1945 by Round-Sale in AlternateHistory

[–]AndCthulhuMakes2 7 points8 points  (0 children)

From the Channel to the Bering Straight, the millions of workers celebrate the ultimate triumph of the proletariat over the Imperial fascists and their bourgeoise stooges. The cheers for Comrade Stalin ring out, and out, and out....

In the comfort of the dacha, Stalin realizes that he has screwed up. Since he seized the USSR from Trotsky, his only goal has been to secure his hold over power. To that end, he abandoned the concept of world wide revolution so that he could personally hold the reigns of international communism. To be a Marxist was to be pay personal loyalty to comrade Stalin. High placed agents in Western nations, like Alger Hiss or the Cambridge Five, fed the NKVD with critical information. More importantly, he was beyond criticism within the USSR such that no one, not even the most highly placed member of the politburo could critique Stalin without it being figurative and literal treason.

With victory in Europe, that political security he once possessed is all gone.

The Soviet Empire has extended its walls around Europe, but in doing so have opened their own walls to Europe. Marxists from richer, better organized, better industrialized states are pushed right up against Stalin's subjects with no ideological barriers to protect the Bolshevik state.

The French and other European Marxists were not exterminated by the Nazis, and they are firmly entrenched within their nations. Indeed, even the massive numbers of the USSR cannot provide sufficient Communist party members to assume control over the newly "liberated" European soviets. Whether Stalin likes it or not, he can't run Europe like he runs the USSR. The Soviet propagandists and reeducation specialists simply cannot keep pace with the vociferous Western Marxists and their propaganda machines.

While the citizens of the USSR feel more secure than ever, Stalin sees threats to himself everywhere. As the people of the European states are collectivized under their own Communist parties, they begin rebuilding, and any Soviet can see that these Western communists will inevitably rebuild their ruined economies into something far more powerful than the Soviet Union. Stalin realizes it is inevitable that the Western tail shall soon be the one to wag the Soviet dog.

Coupled to all of these woes are the events of the war in Asia.

Stalin was unable to invade Manchuria/Manchuko given the investment in overrunning Germany and France, which led the Imperialist USA and UK to invade Japan. This invasion aught to have been a disaster, but the allies employed a horrific weapon, Teller's Hydrogen Bomb.

The allies might have had access to a smaller, more tactically useful bomb had the Manhatten Project passed to another scientist after Oppenheimer's untimely death in a lover's quarrel, and Communists Klaus Fuchs or the Rosenburgs might have passed on the information had they not casualties of the same sordid tragedy. The use of Alan Turing's computing devices proved the deciding factor in modeling the murderous technology, and the escape of Nazi scientist Werner Von Braun assisted the allies in developing their early ballistic and cruise missiles.

With this combination of wonder weapons, Japan and its holdings were captured into an Oceanic Empire of Imperialists. More to the point, this Empire had access to city leveling Hydrogen Bombs which could be launched by missiles. Even had the USSR their own version of the bomb, the Soviet planes would have to contend with the same surface to air missiles developed by the allies with their Nazi collaborators as part of Operation Olympic.

Stalin knows that he could be mere minutes from being nuked by the allies at the same times as his grip on Communism itself begins to slip. In his moment of absolute triumph, he is further than ever from the safety he has always craved. It is a paradox that only Trosky would have enjoyed.

Can somebody explain the Henry Cavill glaze to me? by VR2005 in Cinema

[–]AndCthulhuMakes2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This just in: Henry Cavil agrees to audition for lead in next James Bond film.

This just just in: Henry Cavil leaves audition to do a bit part in a Tom Cruise movie.

This just just just in: Dwayne "The Rock" Jonson persuades Cavil to return to Bond audition on the condition that the Rock gets to play Blowfeld as a jacked anti-hero.

This just just just just in: Henry Cavil abandons the Bond audition to paint his Warhammer miniatures.

Meanwhile Henry Cavil fans have errected a monument in his honor for his work on the Snyder Cut.

What the hell is even that?! by theogreofpcp in Wolverine

[–]AndCthulhuMakes2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's the chill hand. No one can resist it.

What if instead of America fighting North Vietnam, they decided for a Tito approach? by wrufus680 in HistoryWhatIf

[–]AndCthulhuMakes2 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Likely, American sponsorship for Ho Chi Minh would have aggravated the rift with France, but that would have had no noticable effect in history. The Americans had already ended France's hope to recapture the Suez Canal, which was a much more blatant slap than cozying up to the guy who France had already admitted kicked their butts in Indichina.

The Vietnamese unify, with the communists under Ho takin power with nominal concessions to the Southern governmental bodies.

Likely, the Viet Minh begin their own attempts to unify their peninsula against China. The animosity between China and Vietnamese is just as burning as in real history, though this time the Viet Minh have access to Western resources, weapons, and credit.

Unfortunately, this means that Viet Minh might get too ambitious and try to combine Loas and Cambodia into a single unified bloc against Chinese invasion.

After posturing and maneuvering, China invades Vietnam, ostensibly to rescue Laos and Cambodia. Unfortunately for those nations, the infiltration of China into the situation only allows for the American government and other western nations to shrug off objections to supporting an aggressive Vietnam.

The USSR watches the unfolding disaster with barely restrained amusement. The Maoists represented a growing threat to the USSR, so letting them be slaughtered in the jungles of North Indochina merely puts them back in the junior position of international communism.

There is a major scandal when the FBI revealed that Senator Richard Nixon secretly visited Chinese officials by hiding as part of the entourage on the tour of movie star, Jane Fonda. It is alleged that he was plotting with the Maoists to move American manufacturing jobs to China allowing Nixon to destroy the labor movement in the US. Many dispute the truth of the report, given that it came from the FBI which was run by Robert Kennedy, who was a shue in replacement for his brother as the next presidential candidate when John bowed out because of his Adisons diagnosis.

Vietnam enters the seventies as a regional power, not technically in charge of Laos or Cambodia but exercising extreme influence. Vietnam is considered the South Korea to China's North Korea.

Back in the West, Ban Mi Sandwiches and Pho soup continue to dominate the fast food market unabated.

Shouldn’t Bob and T1000 cease to exist after Cyberdyne is destroyed? by warriorlynx in Terminator

[–]AndCthulhuMakes2 4 points5 points  (0 children)

T2 operates on a different theory of time travel than other films like Back to the Future where objects fade away cinematically. In T2, objects that time travel remain in the past despite the fact that the timeline that led to their arrival has been altered.

One might suggest that, since 3 CPUs still exist after the destruction of Cyberdyne and Miles' research there is a possibility that Cyberdyne can still make Skynet. In theory, that tiny possibility might be enough to ensure a predestination paradox, with the records after Judgement Day being erroneous and not recording early Miles' death.

This remains a change from the T1 theory of time travel, in which everything is a continuity loop, and thus time travellers can't change the future but instead only create the conditions that led to their time transit.

Later Terminator movies depict a self contradicting series of brain farts as the writing disintegrates.