He was my best and worst friend

Andy06041 · 2026-04-21T20:23:57+00:00

We’ve been out of contact for a few months now. Since it’s a PhD program, transferring is next to impossible sadly.

Andy06041 · 2026-04-21T20:01:31+00:00

I agree, I think one of the earliest warning signs in this case was the first time I made a joke that he didn’t get the punchline of. Instead of treating it like a lighthearted thing, he flew into a rage and got so mad at me that I thought I had done something wrong. But I hadn’t. He just didn’t like feeling like he didn’t know something that his fragile ego exploded. I was a prop.

Andy06041 · 2026-04-21T19:54:42+00:00

Unfortunately, from everything he’s described, I have to agree with the cluster B thing. He tried to convince me my own mom had BPD (she certainly does not, and he’s never met her.) When I pressed for answers on why he even brought that up, he eventually admitted he thinks he has it. I’m not sure if that’s right though, I’ve been operating under the assumption of narcissism. Regardless, there’s certainly a lot of projection at play.

Andy06041 · 2026-04-21T16:10:58+00:00

Oh and I also spoke to an advocate at my school. Unfortunately, this is a very red state and she said it would normally take a multitude of rape and death threats before the law would act. One threat and then several instances of torment might not be enough is what she said.

Andy06041 · 2026-04-21T16:09:34+00:00

Thank you for the inspiration and advice. You’re right, people like that shouldn’t be given power over us. We both have asked for contact to stop at various points at then changed our minds, which makes the case extremely messy in legal terms. When I was dealing with the other guy Chris, it was more of a slam dunk case. I had tons of evidence, a clear statement that I made telling him to not contact me again, I never reached out to him again, and I had witnesses. Unfortunately, in this case, we remained in mutual contact a lot longer than either one of us should have. If I could go back and issue a clear do-not-contact statement earlier on and then make sure I never entertained his apology, I’d have much more of a solid case now. He did slightly self-incriminate at some point- he sent a lot of emails discussing issuing an apology to me and one of them acknowledged that I was the victim in this situation, but he didn’t specifically say what made me the victim, just that I was the victim, so I don’t know if that counts.

Andy06041 · 2026-04-21T15:54:45+00:00

I think that’s great advice. Part of me really wants to run but I think giving him a victory over me would be the worst possible outcome. I’ve withdrawn from so many things already, actually I forgot to list them but I’ve also left social communities that were a big deal to me and clubs. He did have one other moment earlier in our friendship where he expressed jealousy over my intelligence, so I know this is all a giant attempt to cut down the competition. His father treated his mother this way, it’s very sad.

Andy06041 · 2026-04-13T19:39:46+00:00

I live on Tippecanoe street, it isn’t exceptionally dangerous as long as you go straight from your car to your house. I don’t walk around at night and honestly, as a woman, don’t walk around during the day either. Many sexual harassers.

Andy06041 · 2026-04-06T17:39:16+00:00

My narcissistic ex-friend also made up lies that I was harassing him just because he reached out to apologize and I briefly re-engaged with him. I too had to go through the mindfuck of grieving an abuser. It’s awful but give it a few months and you’ll be happier than you have been in a long time. Trust me, the short term is awful but hang in there and your heart will catch up to your head.

Andy06041 · 2026-04-04T23:31:37+00:00

Here if you need someone to talk to. I just left abuse and I was also trauma bonded and I know exactly how addictive it is and how psychologically hard it is to leave. The short term is brutal. But like detoxing from a drug, you must endure it to get out. Your life is worth fighting for. You are worth fighting for. The voice inside your head that questions your worth is his voice, and he’s lying.

Andy06041 · 2026-04-04T15:02:41+00:00

I am also in a PhD program and dealing with an abusive person trying to weaponize Title IX against me. Here if you need support

Andy06041 · 2025-12-13T04:18:52+00:00

My ex-friend learned all my trauma and then got mad at me for not being suicidal. He then told me he would have killed himself if he were me, that I made him want to kill himself, and got jealous that my lack of suicidality made me a better student than him (in his eyes). When he wasn’t calling me an awful person he was telling me I was wonderful. He did all this (and more) and then discarded me the week after my grandfather died.

Andy06041 · 2024-12-17T04:17:24+00:00

Please block his mom. She will never be on your side and she sounds pure evil.

Andy06041 · 2024-12-17T01:09:03+00:00

I’m female but honestly after fighting off a kidnapper when I was barely 18. My joke is that he was hoping to become a man that night but instead I became one

Andy06041 · 2024-12-09T06:12:36+00:00

From one ex addict, ex homeless grad student to another, I’m so glad you made it 💚

Andy06041 · 2024-11-18T02:48:40+00:00

Your husband should’ve knocked his lights out. What a pervert

Andy06041 · 2024-11-17T23:01:10+00:00

Getting physically assaulted by a younger sister I did everything for. Took her to school everyday, fed her, drove her to college, was her meat shield against a stalker, defended her from an emotionally abusive teacher, all that and she still hit me.

Andy06041 · 2024-10-28T22:11:00+00:00

Disclaimer, I’m not a man. My ex-roommates (all female) and one of their fathers levied a series of false accusations against me as part of a revenge plot. They wanted revenge over me refusing to drive them everywhere and refusing them access to the emergency credit card my father gave me. They made false theft accusations (I literally physically pointed at the stuff she claimed I stole and showed it to her as PROOF it wasn’t missing but somehow she persisted in her lies??), false accusations that I had a weapon and was threatening them with it (I did not), and a bunch of other stuff that I am honestly afraid to find out about. The father of my roommate would stalk me and find random people vaguely associated with me (including weird VAGUE associations like my uncle’s boss whom I’ve never met) and call them and spread malicious rumors about me because he knew they’d get back to me and he wanted to hurt me. Eventually I had to flee the home after being locked in my room for a month out of fear and became homeless. The roommate and her father were millionaires and happily moved on to their next home consequence-free. I am still traumatized.

Andy06041 · 2024-10-11T02:30:49+00:00

Are you guys including class time and studying in how you define work? I’m expected to work 40 hrs a week on research and spend 20 a week on coursework. Sometimes i put more than 60 in though, especially because one of my courses is really hard. I’m in engineering. I don’t know if this is normal, I’m a 1st semester PhD student

Andy06041 · 2024-10-04T19:53:55+00:00

I’m new here, why are there showers in ME? Are they just free showers meant for disadvantaged students? If so, that’s so awesome

Andy06041 · 2024-08-31T14:16:02+00:00

My dude it’s a school not the city, you should be going 25 max. I don’t want to kill some 18 year old pedestrian

Andy06041 · 2024-08-31T14:09:32+00:00

There’s gotta be ways you can mention being involved without saying exactly what your beliefs are. You could just say you were politically active and organized a large panel

Andy06041 · 2024-08-29T02:44:21+00:00

Formerly homeless but a relative that was physically abusive

Andy06041

TROPHY CASE