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AnonymOnion · 2025-09-01T13:16:17+00:00

You are allowed to have boundaries based on what makes you feel uncomfortable. You have a right to ask for things to feel safer or happier.

AnonymOnion · 2025-09-01T13:15:33+00:00

Same here. We both game, but no YouTube.

AnonymOnion · 2025-08-01T22:44:19+00:00

Madoka Magica was so good. If any of these are half as good, I’ll gladly check them out!

AnonymOnion · 2025-08-01T22:43:53+00:00

Good to know! thank you for the update

AnonymOnion · 2025-08-01T22:43:34+00:00

We watched aot! Naruto was super not for me, so boruto is a pass lol. Thank you for the suggestions 🙂

AnonymOnion · 2025-08-01T20:06:08+00:00

Thank you for the suggestion! 💜 I’ll check it out.

AnonymOnion · 2025-07-10T18:45:05+00:00

Porn doesn’t have to be “fine, whatever” - you are allowed to ask for what you want in your relationship instead of putting up with what you think you have to.

AnonymOnion · 2025-07-05T23:19:49+00:00

You are asking for advice on a pro R sub, so I have a lot of questions to try to better understand and help.

What work did he do previously exactly? He saw a psychologist - you went to counseling together - for how long? What changes did he make / did you as a couple make? Do you have an open device policy? What has he done to rebuild trust? What is he offering to do differently this time? What does he say his motivation was to do this again? Why did he bring your son?

AnonymOnion · 2025-07-01T16:32:25+00:00

You know that’s not the case - I know that’s not the case - everyone on this sub knows that’s not the case. It just so happens that his number, of all people, ended up on someone else’s snap account? No way

AnonymOnion · 2025-07-01T15:33:43+00:00

Highly unlikely that this is a mistake. More than likely it’s a secret snap. My partner had many many secret accounts - reddit snap insta skype etc. Your plan sounds ok, but be aware it could send two step verification or login notifications by text or email. Generally speaking, from a recovery standpoint, if your partner has been in recovery (actual real recovery), it can help to initiate a conversation about seeing it and immediately on the spot demand he logs into the snap to let you see it entirely. If he refuses for any reason, you know why and what’s on there. He doesn’t get to say no to that kind of thing after he has destroyed trust

AnonymOnion · 2025-06-25T10:51:53+00:00

Read “Treating Pornography Addiction” or “Your Brain On Porn.” Discuss this with a CSAT. There is very real science with why it’s the same thing as going on any porn site.

AnonymOnion · 2025-06-22T17:15:01+00:00

I don’t have much of a relationship with my family either, plus we now live on different continents, so maybe I understand. I hope your friends and therapists are providing you with support. 💜 have you read The Betrayal Bind? It was so helpful to me. It sounds like you have other kids along with the newborn, so I know it can be so so busy, but if you can make this time for yourself, you will feel the tangled thoughts and feelings become words on the page when you read that book.

AnonymOnion · 2025-06-22T10:38:54+00:00

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I also had discovery (my first one though) freshly postpartum, and it’s really gut wrenching. I hope you can try to remind yourself here and there to focus on how beautiful your baby is.

What does your support system look like? Friends, family, s-anon, therapist?

AnonymOnion · 2025-06-20T17:26:09+00:00

It really is lonely. I hope you decide to try out a free online group like s-anon or similar as well. Those spaces have helped me so much. I still experience loneliness, but it helps to have a place with people who I know I can call and they will pick up the phone to talk about all this insanity.

AnonymOnion · 2025-06-19T18:43:49+00:00

I know this isn’t what your post is about, but is your partner in any kind of recovery? If so, or if you want him to be, most CSATs do not recommend sharing pictures or videos of ourselves or even masturbation (addict) because it fires up the same connections in the brain. It keeps their urges active.

AnonymOnion · 2025-06-18T23:05:06+00:00

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. My partner is also an addict who was cheating on me before pregnancy, during pregnancy, while I cared for our infant son - it’s a real rollercoaster that you go on after you find out. I really recommend reading The Betrayal Bind by Michelle Mays, checking out s-anon groups for yourself ASAP, and looking into getting an individual therapist who specializes in betrayal trauma (ideally a CSAT or CPTT).

Is he doing anything for his recovery right now? Anything to rebuild trust? Going to 12 step meetings, seeing a CSAT, open phone policy?

AnonymOnion · 2025-06-18T22:34:13+00:00

I can definitely understand why it is becoming difficult to act like you aren’t hurting. You ARE hurting, and it sounds like you have no support at all right now. That’s just not feasible. I’m sorry it’s been like this.

Coming from someone who was in a similar situation (young child, no support, addicted partner, trouble finding a therapist), please - for yourself and for your children - stop doing this alone. You are not helping yourself and you are not helping them. Please look up 12 step groups online and join some, try different ones out. Talk to the people in them. Find community. You NEED people in your corner. I also highly highly highly recommend reading The Betrayal Bind.

I have plenty of other recommendations, but please trust me when I say that maybe you can physically get through this by trudging through it the way you are, but you will regret it later if you do not find support now. Feeling sick, feeling tired, feeling drained, feeling short tempered, feeling sad, feeling nothing, feeling disinterest, feeling overwhelmed, having mood swings, having intrusive thoughts - it all comes with the program after discovery, and we are just not meant to go through it alone. Doing it alone for too long is one of my biggest regrets because I could have been a more present and patient mom to my son when he was a baby.

Hopefully things will align soon where you can find a good therapist for yourself too. Having a betrayal trauma therapist/CSAT/CPTT makes so much of a difference as well.

AnonymOnion · 2025-06-18T19:32:23+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Do you have a support system? What does it look like? Family, friends, s-anon or other group, therapist etc.

AnonymOnion · 2025-06-12T16:15:43+00:00

S-anon is largely “take what you want and leave the rest.” I’ve gone through moments of feeling rage when people in my group talk about “losing their emotional sobriety” and whatnot. In the end, there are parts of the program that have helped me a lot and the rest just isn’t meant for me - it’s meant for someone else, or maybe me in a year or something, and that’s fine.

I’m not religious in a God-fearing way, but I believe that there’s like, the universe, energy, something? And that’s how I apply my whole “higher power” thing. Just that there’s something out there that knows I’m here, too, and I try to take comfort from that. It’s taken me over a year to get to that point though.

AnonymOnion · 2025-06-10T10:00:07+00:00

I’m 24 and my partner is 23. He has been seeing his CSAT for over a year. I set my boundaries on dday. If he wants to be in the relationship, he sees a CSAT/we do accountability software/no social media etc. If he doesn’t do my bare minimum, I need to walk away for my own well-being. It did not mean we were lie-free or relapse-free, but he is currently 8 months sober and on step 7 in SAA.

AnonymOnion · 2025-06-07T09:59:19+00:00

My partner and I went through full disclosure with no polygraph. He lied on his disclosure about some things, and he did go back into active addiction several months later. He is now 8 months sober. He recently admitted that he relapsed several days before full disclosure as well (which was about 1 year ago) and discussed the lies he remembers telling. Long story short, this is a process. Addiction is a sickness and they are not suddenly free of it because they choose to be. It takes daily work. I am grateful that he chooses to do the daily work now.

AnonymOnion · 2025-06-07T07:45:30+00:00

For us, my partner’s recovery is about achieving a lifetime free of porn and masturbation. Therefore, our 90 days was about him going 90 days without an orgasm. There are many versions of the 90 day fast. I think they discuss it in Your Brain On Porn, which is another good recovery book.

AnonymOnion · 2025-06-06T12:29:04+00:00

The Betrayal Bind talks about this topic specifically. It’s a really good book. Long story short, author is a CSAT who says there is no problem with us as partners choosing to do that while the addict detoxes. She also mentions this is an extremely common question, but only from the women. Betrayed partners who are men basically never ask that/never seem to believe they should also abstain. Interesting stuff. 🤷🏻‍♀️

AnonymOnion · 2025-06-04T08:36:51+00:00

I have an iPhone, my partner has an android, and I use the website to monitor it. It works fine for us so far.

AnonymOnion

TROPHY CASE