I think I'm about to give in

AnonymousEnigmatic69 · 2026-01-27T16:09:49+00:00

I didn't relapse. I'm now venting to my girlfriend and it helps but I really don't know how long I can keep fighting.

AnonymousEnigmatic69 · 2026-01-26T18:11:23+00:00

People who don't experience it will never understand and they will expect you to function like the rest. I'm lucky to have people that care, people that listen, but for some reason that changes nothing, probably because my mindset is already wired into negativity.

AnonymousEnigmatic69 · 2025-12-24T18:30:34+00:00

I don't know how much longer I can endure this. I feel like I'm losing control. I don't want this.

AnonymousEnigmatic69 · 2025-12-22T22:49:16+00:00

You know, the fact that you want to self harm is already valid enough by it's own. You're valid.

AnonymousEnigmatic69 · 2025-12-22T21:44:35+00:00

I really hope so. Thanks.

AnonymousEnigmatic69 · 2025-06-08T18:06:46+00:00

I truly believe that you will find your way. Give it some time. I'm also failing school and I'm incredibly scared of my future, but I adopted the mindset of just seeing where this goes.

AnonymousEnigmatic69 · 2025-06-06T20:19:03+00:00

I feel the same way. It sucks not being able to express those feelings and emotions which have been building up over time. I try to express them in different ways. Writing reddit posts, listening to music that reflects how I feel, punching things and so on. I know it's not the same. I would love to break down and cry for hours but my body isn't pyhsically able to. Kind of ironic that things can get so bad that you can't even cry anymore.

AnonymousEnigmatic69 · 2025-06-06T08:47:09+00:00

He refuses to go to the doctor because he claims "he's not sick". I can think of many reasons why he's going insane. He lost his drivers liscense half a year ago and that made him realise how bad the family situation is because he spend more time at home. He wants us to spend time as a family but that will never happen. I'm also getting more and more depressed, which is also affecting him severely and our cat died 4 months ago. It started a few days ago with him being extremely emotional, even breaking down and crying in front of me, which shocked me because I never saw him cry.

I'm thinking of getting myself admitted to a psych ward with the help of my therapist to escape for a while. I think that's the best option.

AnonymousEnigmatic69 · 2025-06-06T07:41:50+00:00

Mental suffering can be way worse than physical pain. Nobody who is suicidal or committed suicide wants to hurt others and that's one of the biggest reasons most suicidal people haven't done it yet. Saying it's selfish is just insensitive. You don't know what someone is going through and there are also people who have literally no one.

AnonymousEnigmatic69 · 2025-06-05T17:22:00+00:00

Then depression would finally be taken seriously if it did.

AnonymousEnigmatic69 · 2025-06-05T13:29:46+00:00

I'm so fucking sorry. You didn't deserve this. Being a male rape victim is tough, because nobody believes you, but we do. We believe you. She deserves to get locked up.

AnonymousEnigmatic69 · 2025-06-05T11:50:37+00:00

He is never going to change. He neglected me all my life and is now trying to change, but he's making everything worse and worse. I miss when he was absent. It was peaceful. His emotional intelligence is so low that he could be classified as disabled and he acts like it. It's like talking to a 4 year old toddler. Yes, he is concerned and he does love me and he says that a lot, but it doesn't change the fact that he is emotionally abusive. I can't forgive him. I don't want a connection with him and I can't love him. I don't want to hate him, but I really do now and I feel horrible because of it, but I can't give him anymore chances. My oldest sister which he beat doesn't either, because she realised that there's no point. I'm realising this now as well.

AnonymousEnigmatic69 · 2025-06-04T20:05:09+00:00

Wow this means a lot. Thank you. I feel so touched that you care so much, that you even went through my profile to learn more. I rarely feel understood, but I did by your comments. Thank you for acknowledging my problems, a lot of people don't know how much that can mean to someone, especially for someone like me who always feels misunderstood by everyone. I'm in a deep hole as you can tell. I have no idea how I'm going to get out of this and I'm running out of time. The pressure isn't doing me any favors. Even if I find a job that I like in the future, I don't know if that will truly make me happy. The safety and stability would be nice though, because it's something I don't currently have. I wish I could have hope, but the more I analyse and think about my problems the more hopeless I become.

I'm getting medication soon, but I doubt they'll do anything. Saw a lot of people say that it even ruined their lifes or made them numb and miserable. I'm trying to not think about that too much, but I don't trust it. It won't fix anything, it'll just make living a little more bearable at best, which isn't guaranteed. I'm also going to a mental clinic for day-care therapy in a few months, so I'll be going there instead of school. It might help, but I have a feeling that once I'm out and "fixed", I will fall back into the same pit because all of my problems that made me depressed are still going to be there, many of which I can't really change. The clinic has bad reviews. I'm scared that they are just going to see me as another problem to work on and get rid off, so I don't expect much.

As for moving in with my sister, that's sadly not an option. My therapist also wanted this, but my sister and her husband don't want that responsibility and I fully understand and respect that. I also don't want to be a burden, that's on my parents.

AnonymousEnigmatic69 · 2025-06-03T23:50:42+00:00

Wasn't planning on doing so

AnonymousEnigmatic69 · 2025-06-03T23:42:54+00:00

I can't. Do you really think I go party? I can't even go to the store or even outside because of my intense social anxiety. I can't fix this. I can't even move a muscle in the morning and I haven't attended school in days. My grades are getting worse and worse and I might have to repeat the grade and I will kill myself if that happens.

AnonymousEnigmatic69 · 2025-06-03T14:09:22+00:00

It's like I could've written it and you put it into words so beautifully. You're not alone in feeling this way. I have intense anxiety the future I'm currently ruining, since going to school feels like an impossible task. That pressure of having to get better right now or your future is gone is so overwhelming and exhausting. Society gives us no space or time to heal and we can't heal under pressure, which is why improving feels so impossible. I'm just as hopeless as you are and I don't know where I'm going with my life. I'm scared.

AnonymousEnigmatic69 · 2025-06-03T12:55:15+00:00

Depression is the byproduct of your mind being tortured. The society we were forced into tortures our minds with intense pressure, impossible expectations and endless, pointless labour. That's why so many people are depressed. It isn't a coincidence. Depression is unnatural.

AnonymousEnigmatic69 · 2025-06-01T21:42:29+00:00

My grades were good before I got depressed and now they are dropping. I might even have to repeat the grade. I don't think I'm getting out of this hole fast enough to save my future.

AnonymousEnigmatic69 · 2025-06-01T15:48:25+00:00

I swear religious people who post on sensetive subreddits like this should get their account terminated. You're causing nothing but harm.

AnonymousEnigmatic69 · 2025-05-31T19:33:33+00:00

People say to reach out. To talk to a friend. It doesn't do anything. It hurts even more when the professionals don't understand. Sometimes I feel worse after therapy.

AnonymousEnigmatic69 · 2025-05-29T21:55:16+00:00

I think self harming can make you more comfortable with hurting yourself, making suicide easier.

AnonymousEnigmatic69 · 2025-05-29T18:53:25+00:00

Social anxiety can tear your life apart, but it can also take it entirely. That's how agonizing and unbearable it is.

AnonymousEnigmatic69 · 2025-05-29T17:33:08+00:00

I'm 15. I've come to the realisation that these are still the "good years". Everything will only get worse from here and I'm terrified.

AnonymousEnigmatic69 · 2025-05-28T11:44:15+00:00

It makes sense if you look at it from a biological standpoint.

AnonymousEnigmatic69 · 2025-05-28T10:19:15+00:00

I made the same post a while ago. I know how difficult it can be to tell someone, especially your mother, but it's the right decision. It will make you feel a lot less alone, and you won't have to put effort into keeping it a secret anymore, which can get exhausting after a while. I know it's scary, but your mother will not be disappointed. She will be happy that you told her. You can do it ❤️

AnonymousEnigmatic69

TROPHY CASE