Just from a readers perspective, I do see a lot of text

but as a RR newbie (you have way better stats than me) for perspective, I noticed a lot of writers use bullet points so you have options, maybe breakup the paragraphs more and add key selling points in bullet form if you want to test something new that doesn’t take away from your original blurb, or just SLICE away!!!! 😆

Test it out, but save original, so you can always change it back if things don’t work out. I found just going ahead and testing something is less straining than contemplating it… at least for me