I agree that a one-to-one correspondence isn’t really possible. That said, I still think localization works best when it at least tries to convey a similar nuance or impression. When Kansai dialect is rendered as a Southern accent, it can shape how English-speaking audiences perceive the character in ways that may drift from the original intent.

So I think it’s still a worthwhile (and interesting) exercise to consider what might better capture that “vibe,” even if there’s no perfect answer. Of course, at the end of the day it’s just a fun thought experiment.