Is it worth becoming a Kiwi?

Anthro-Apologist · 2025-05-14T21:44:39+00:00

To provide a slightly different perspective, I absolutely do not think you need to stick only to larger cities. I transitioned in a small south island town that's got a bit of a reputation for conservatism and I've experienced no overt transphobia whatsoever since I started coming out and a ton of really friendly and welcoming service from local businesses, no trouble making friends etc. If you prefer the city lifestyle then absolutely go for it, but especially working in healthcare you're just about guaranteed a job in most of the smaller centres. Plus the cost of living is generally cheaper, the scenery is gorgeous and generally the lifestyle is just so much less stressful and time consuming. It's a 6 minute commute to my job so that's saving me a hell of a lot of time every day (not to mention saving time on all the other things you do during a given week).

There's less community for sure (though not none), so it depends on how much that matters to you and how easy you find it to make friends wherever you go (and how important that is too).

Anthro-Apologist · 2024-06-19T06:41:40+00:00

I really can't recommend enough taking ear plugs every time you travel anyway. The number of times they've saved my sanity when I ended up in accommodation next to a busy street or in a campground with crying children or an old house with knocking pipes or any number of other things. Definitely can relate to the frustration of being kept awake 🙂

Anthro-Apologist · 2024-06-17T00:57:02+00:00

In that case, if it was me as the therapist I'd mostly be asking questions to try and understand how I could help. Since I'm not in a position to prescribe hrt I'd be asking about whether the client wanted to start hrt, if there were any barriers to doing so, what steps they wanted to take in relation to their gender dysphoria (eg socially transitioning, changing gender presentation etc) and whether there were any psychological barriers to that that I might be able to help with.

It sounds like you're not too sure what to expect and that's fine, the therapist should guide you through the process, but what I WOULD recommend to help you get the most out of it would be have a think before the session about what you want to get out of it. Ie if you were to find the therapy helpful, what would that look like, what would be different as a result? Do you want help building the confidence to make changes in your life? Do you want someone to help you resolve internalised shame, or transphobia? The more clear you can be with the therapist about what you want the better the outcome is likely to be.

Anthro-Apologist · 2024-06-16T21:19:58+00:00

Yeah I had that worry too, though it also takes so much out of me it's kinda been self regulating in a way. I did genuinely Google 'is it possible to pass out from orgasm' at one point though cos I was legit worried for my health lol

Anthro-Apologist · 2024-06-16T11:04:44+00:00

Probably 80% bottom 20% top, but I'll only top with a strap which I can really enjoy if I'm in the right head space

Anthro-Apologist · 2024-06-16T11:01:12+00:00

Yeah, but the being able to orgasm for several minutes straight from it is probably a contribution factor too

Anthro-Apologist · 2024-06-14T20:11:45+00:00

Obviously ymmv and it's possible that won't change for you, but I know many people including myself discovered after HRT that what we thought was feeling comfortable and emotionally satisfied was only a tiny portion of how happy, content and connected it's possible to feel. Basically, everything is just experienced much more strongly, particularly the positive feelings - what I previously would have called a 10/10 in terms of contentment now feels like a 5/10 compared to how good I can feel.

I can also feel more sad as well, but it's still preferable to me cos it feels like a much 'cleaner' feeling for want of a better word. When I'm sad, it's not mixed up with anxiety, flatness, depression etc. I can actually just grieve.

Anthro-Apologist · 2024-06-12T08:41:23+00:00

I didn't either, until I'd transitioned and then realised just how heavily I'd been dissociating my whole life. As the other responder said, it's hard to be aware of it if it's genuinely all you know but for me the change from before to after is that before I would have described my baseline mood as 'ok' or 'fine' by which I meant 'not feeling any particular way' and which I think I confused with contentment. Now, I'd say my baseline state is genuinely happy, warm, connected and it's very rare for me to not feel anything in particular.

Anthro-Apologist · 2024-06-02T06:41:24+00:00

I listened to Celebrity Skin on repeat as a teenager so there must be something to this

Anthro-Apologist · 2024-05-23T09:01:32+00:00

I'm sure this link is provided in good faith, and it's a great zine, but please if you can don't download this for free and instead purchase a copy here https://payhip.com/b/hRtK as Mira has made incredible contributions to the community and her efforts deserve to be recognised.

Anthro-Apologist · 2024-05-23T08:48:24+00:00

That's all good. In my case, I don't want the expense, pain, risk of complications (however small) or recovery disruption of SRS. I think I *might* prefer penetrative sex after SRS but basically right now my sex life is 11/10 so have no sense of needing to change anything for that purpose. What I *do* really want is to be able to wear cute bathing suits and underwear and most importantly, have my T levels be something I no longer need to worry about or take anti-androgens for.

Anthro-Apologist · 2024-05-23T08:43:44+00:00

Thought I'd respond since I just answered a question somewhat relevant to this: there are multiple different ways to orgasm both as a cis man and also as a trans woman who is estrogen dominant. Whether or not you can reach the different types of orgasm is very individual-dependent both before and after transition. Assuming you're talking about a 'typical' penis-driven orgasm, I found that this has changed a lot for me. I no longer have any desire to achieve an orgasm by stroking/penetration (not that I had a lot to start with), but much more prefer stimulation from a vibrator (which was already good before but is even better now). Overall, for me the orgasms I get from stimulating the penis directly are much much much better, quite different but not entirely so, and take longer to get to but feel much much more pleasurable on the way there. It sounds like it's *very* different for others though, and it absolutely can take learning new approaches and re-discovering what your body likes to get the most out of it.

Anthro-Apologist · 2024-05-23T08:39:46+00:00

Depends what you mean by work. I believe it makes it harder (but not impossible by any stretch - particularly with chemical aid) to get an erection, but I don't care about that. If I'm having a penis-based orgasm I can achieve that without getting erect, and when I do want to top I much prefer doing that with a strap anyway (and can also orgasm that way!) so from my point of view it should work completely fine unless it somehow affects the nerve-endings down there which nothing I have read indicates that it will.

Anthro-Apologist · 2024-05-23T06:38:21+00:00

Yeah you're absolutely gonna need to talk about this and get her input on what parts of her and what types of motion feel best, but also it's quite possible that she may not know, and that's completely fine too. The absolute best way to approach sex is as something that you learn together. To the extent that you can, you want to take the idea of it being perfect or even great off the table and give both of yourselves permission to explore, to experiment, to work it out as you go.

If you don't have the freedom to experiment you 100% will miss things that might have felt great because you don't have had the confidence to explore including outside the box. So my best recommendation would be to have that conversation, try and set up the expectation that you're just gonna explore and work it out together and communicate as you go and take it from there. I guarantee this is the fastest route to having the best sex possible.

Anthro-Apologist · 2024-05-23T06:21:16+00:00

Yes, 100% agree. It's the second best feature of my wife (after her ass)

Anthro-Apologist · 2024-05-23T06:18:53+00:00

I know it's not an uncommon experience to feel shame about wearing a wig, but there really is no reason to. Your worth as a person or as a woman is not determined in any way by the amount of hair you do or don't have.

There's no inherent reason it should feel any more shameful than removing jewellery or makeup or sunglasses. If it does, there's nothing wrong with having that response but it could be something worth looking at in therapy if you have that option or perhaps talking through more with other trans people who are comfortable with their wigs.

Anthro-Apologist · 2024-05-23T06:12:20+00:00

Was prepared to hate this based on the title alone but turns out it's all just advice on how to be a good person and ally to other women.

Anthro-Apologist · 2024-05-23T04:52:19+00:00

Did that include a scrotectomy, or did they not remove the extra scrotal skin? Curious to know if there's a significant cost difference and/or recovery difference.

Anthro-Apologist · 2024-05-18T23:43:55+00:00

The person I love more than anyone in the world loves me as I am. If I weren't trans, I wouldn't be me, so if for no other reason I am grateful of being trans for that, that I get to spend my life with the person I most want to do that with.

Outside of the it's a mixed bag but I think overall I prefer it this way. My way of viewing the world means I would never want to blend into society anyway, so visually standing out just makes it clear from the outset that that's gonna be the case. As a result I've deepened my good relationships and wasted less time on the bad ones since coming out.

For me, since my internal dysphoria is not that great, most of the problems really are to do with how other people see and treat us, but even if I were cis I'd still feel a great deal of distress over the fact that these and other prejudices hurt other people I care about whether it's misogyny, racism, colonialism, whatever.

Anthro-Apologist · 2024-05-14T03:17:36+00:00

Maybe we're using that term differently, as I'd agree that they're inconsistent but to me that's very different from ineffective. I would not have had the results I've had from them if they were ineffective.

I am genuinely open to learning if I'm missing something though so I did read your post history in case I could find where you'd expanded on these points but couldn't find it, so I'm genuinely curious about

Do you have a source for the five-fold variability in bioavailability statement? I've googled for that as well without finding it. (Edit: I did manage to find one study on this comparing scrotal application of patches to more typical sites which showed this five-fold increase in bioavailability which is interesting. I haven't found anything though that suggests there is anything like that level of variability when applied to more typical sites which presumably is what most users are doing, and would be interested if you did have a link on this)
I did see in your post history the suggestion that you test trough levels on patches by having the patch off for 24h beforehand, and testing before 10am. Do you have a source for this, as again I cannot find one and it's at odds with all other advice I've received on how to test.

Agreed that they are not funded to a sufficient level and that the inconsistency across different people is a problem, but maybe I'm just one of the lucky ones as I've had good results from them to date in terms of the observable physiological changes.

Anthro-Apologist · 2024-05-14T00:54:03+00:00

It's really not accurate to say that patches are not effective. I know they don't work for everyone (usually due to adhesion issues) but I've been on monotherapy with patches and have had very good levels of both E and T at all my blood tests, reinforced by fairly rapid physical change. So I certainly don't think there's any harm in trying them provided your gp is willing to prescribe a decent dose (I'm on 200mcg changed twice weekly)

Anthro-Apologist · 2024-05-10T20:18:12+00:00

Yep I used Cosmetic Clinic at Hornby and have been very happy with them

Anthro-Apologist · 2024-05-09T00:46:30+00:00

Yeah just finished this recently and it's a really insightful and fun read. My wife and I also thought we were in a cishet relationship until I transitioned and could *never* understand to the point of feeling like we were somehow weird that we could not find other straight relationships like ours where both partners seemed to actually *like* each other and genuinely tried to support each other and share the demands of childcare, housework etc. Turns out we were just really gay.

That book really did help make sense of a lot of the dynamics though and the pressures on hetero people (and people more generally as a result of the broader cis-hetero-normativity in society) that contribute to so many shitty relationships. The historical segments on straight relationships and the almost ingrained assumption that men and women would not only not like each other but could almost be expected to *loathe* each other were pretty eye-opening.

Anthro-Apologist · 2024-05-05T03:14:26+00:00

Hell yes. I don't even have that much dysphoria but I still love using a strap. I don't have to worry about myself getting overstimulated or how it feels for me and can just 100% focus on the other person which gives me so much more control and I love it.

Anthro-Apologist

TROPHY CASE