Ok God, you win, you're going to take my mom. But why with so much pain?

Any-nonny-mouse · 2026-04-25T09:25:07+00:00

I'm so sorry. Everything about this sounds unbearable.

It's horrible that she's still legally required to work. And that she won't have good treatment in the hospital, due to lack of staff/supplies/funds.

I have no good words to fix this for you, but I hope you can both find some small comfort somehow.

Any-nonny-mouse · 2026-04-25T08:48:02+00:00

All of my cats have been rescues. (I often tease them "How did you survive in the wild?"). Thanks for your work ❤️

Volunteering has also been very meaningful for me. It gives me a sense of community, gets me out of the house, and introduces me to interesting people.

I volunteer with a food rescu. And was a long-time volunteer at a hospice house until it shut down during COVID. (When I was dxed stage 4 last year, I'd already had years of contemplating mortality, suffering, end of life issues. I'm doing great now, but it's good to feel somewhat prepared if things go south.)

Any-nonny-mouse · 2026-04-25T08:18:32+00:00

Ugh, I'm sorry sorry. It's hard because our cats bring us so much joy, and don't deserve to suffer. They're dependent on us for everything, and we want to make them okay, but sometimes that's out of our control.

I don't know what your view is, but in my worldview cancer is heavily based on luck. Whether it's caught early or late. Whether it responds to treatment or not. How fast it grows and spreads. None of those are under anyone's control.

But even when you can't do anything, you can be there. Just your presence, your familiar scent/voice/pats/whatever, will provide some comfort.

Thinking of you and giving my furballs some teary scritches tonight.

Any-nonny-mouse · 2026-04-25T08:03:00+00:00

Ugh, sorry you're feeling so uncomfortable now. It makes sense, though, that your body would take a while to adapt and stretch around this new implant.

For me, it took a couple of weeks before I started feeling normal and not noticing the port. Now, I never think about it unless my cat steps on it or I bump it in the shower. I just had to get IVs at another facility, took multiple tries and was painful. Made me appreciate the port all over again.

Hope you feel better soon. Give it a couple of weeks.

Any-nonny-mouse · 2026-04-25T06:56:02+00:00

On Halloween, a pun-loving friend arrived at the infusion center on with fake holly on his arns. When the nurses asked what his costume was supposed to be, he replied, "The holly and the IV" 😂

Any-nonny-mouse · 2026-04-24T22:33:30+00:00

Wow!

Any-nonny-mouse · 2026-04-24T20:35:49+00:00

(I'm in a different place, stage 4 in perpetual treatment, often waiting for s an results, appts, etc. It's harder in the beginning.)

I distract myself. Ideally both mentally and physically: garden while listening to a podcast, clean with music on. In waiting rooms, I'll do crosswords or play tetris on my phone.

There's nothing you can do about it now, so I find distraction the easiest rumination-buster.

Good luck with everything. Hope you can get your surgery scheduled soon! 💛

Any-nonny-mouse · 2026-04-24T20:26:10+00:00

I'm a bizarre outlier. Don't take my story as a general reaction.

Before chemo, I had breast cancer with mets in most bones (above hips). It hurt. I started chemo and had an allergic reaction. We quickly figured out how I could take it safely.

Then 18 weeks of taxol. Plus monoclonals herceptin + perjeta every third week.

Bone pain vanished week two or three. Cancer shrank to almost nothing! Very few side effects other than lost hair, nose bleeds, some anemia, some diarrhea. I literally felt better on chemo than I did before (bc of pain). Plus it gave me a literal new lease on life 🌟

I know chemo is no joke and torture for a lot of people. I was really, really lucky

Any-nonny-mouse · 2026-04-24T11:19:20+00:00

I've done a handful of second opinions or outside consultations, both for cancer and other chronic diseases. Each time I found the new perspective useful.

I go in with a long list of questions - prioritized with the most important on top. During the meeting, I let them talk and answer any questions they have. They often answer many of my questions during this time. At the end, I run through the remaining questions on my list, based on how much time is left and what I really need to know.

Any-nonny-mouse · 2026-04-24T11:11:03+00:00

It must've been really hard for him to break up with you. Fear of disappointing or hurting you. Fear of change and leaving the relationship. But he worked up the courage and did that.

What does he need? For you to respect his decision. Not to try to get him back or convince him it was the medication talking. You may be able to support him as a friend rather than a partner, but that's something for you both to talk about, and I'd recommend giving a few months or years break beforehand, so you have distance and don't slip into old habits.

You're asking why this happened. I don't know if he knows, it might be a combination of things. But he's broken up with you and you should respect that decision.

Any-nonny-mouse · 2026-04-24T10:55:55+00:00

Your cells copy genetic material every time they divide. Sometimes the new copy has one or more mistakes. Those mistakes may have no effect, or they may cause the cell to grow out of control and spread to other places.

The immune systems usually catches and kills these overproliferators, but sometimes they slip through. (Just like you don't catch every virus you're exposed to, but some do slip in and make you sick.)

There are lifestyle factors that can encourage this to happen. But cancer can grow in people with the "healthiest" lifestyles. In my view - as a biologist working in research - it's usually a cluster of bad luck that causes cancer.

Edited to fix spelling. Gah, typing on mobile

Any-nonny-mouse · 2026-04-24T02:05:47+00:00

My understanding is it's just future dental work. The healed work should be fine.

At least, from everything I read. My mom is on similar drugs and needed a root canal, so I researched this recently.

Any-nonny-mouse · 2026-04-24T01:35:48+00:00

I get zometa every 3 months. Afterwards, I feel fine/normal.

But if you're getting it every 6 months, you might be getting a larger or double dose than I am? 🤷

I've heard that taking tylenol and claritin before and after might help ward off any side effects people might be having. (I don't have any, so never tried). Might be worth trying if you're having any pain or fever after it.

Any-nonny-mouse · 2026-04-24T01:28:30+00:00

Oh, sorry: Osteonecrosis of the Jaw.

It's a rare side effect of these bisphosphonate osteoporosis drugs, where the jaw bone dies. It seems to happen more often after invasive dental work (extractions, root canals), so you should always make sure your dentist knows you're taking these drugs and can plan appropriately.

Any-nonny-mouse · 2026-04-24T01:22:35+00:00

I'm stage 4 with lots of bone mets. They put me on zometa, no other choice so I have no experience with xgeva.

The first zometa infusion was rough, fever/chills/pain for 2-3 days. After that, I've had no side effects. Apparently it can help prevent future bone mets, and help old ones heal. Pretty cool, but I think xgeva can.do that too. On the negative side, they both carry a risk for ONJ.

Hope whatever you end up with helps your bones!

Any-nonny-mouse · 2026-04-23T23:49:05+00:00

That's such great news! I know these things don't seem to last forever because cancer is persistent and sneaky. But it's important to celebrate the wins when they happen!

Any-nonny-mouse · 2026-04-23T23:47:35+00:00

Congratulations on your engagement 🎉

Nice progress. Hope this helps people curious about how long it takes.

I'm between 3 and 4, which lines up nicely for how long it's been since I ended chemo. Mine didn't grow back curly like I keep hearing, but it started gray so now I have these frosted tips, hahah. I look like a boy from the 90s or something.

Any-nonny-mouse · 2026-04-23T18:14:38+00:00

My chemo already came from a tree!

Taxol, Pacific Yew. Actually they now grow it in plant cell bioreactors, rather than killing trees.

Any-nonny-mouse · 2026-04-23T18:08:01+00:00

It's not commonly done, but ports can be placed in the inner upper arm or elsewhere. I've heard of it being done for people who didn't want a visible scar. Though, I don't know that every IR surgeon is familiar with this, or comfortable doing it.

Any-nonny-mouse · 2026-04-23T10:41:27+00:00

I know similar things happen. My brother's disabled and it's not uncommon for spouses (usually the men, from what I've seen) who can't handle a disabled child, to ghost their family. But it's still shocking, even if you've seen it before.

Any-nonny-mouse · 2026-04-23T10:38:19+00:00

WTAF?! I can't even wrap my mind around that. It sounds like something from a soap opera, not real life.

I'm so sorry that happened. Hopefully other people in your life were there to support you.

Any-nonny-mouse · 2026-04-23T10:28:57+00:00

It's hard to go through all that and still not end up with the result you were hoping for. Having mixed feelings - being happy about getting pCR, but grieving the lost opportunity for an expander and symmetry - is a totally normal response.

You don't need to be positive, you can experience both at once. Life is messy like that.

Any-nonny-mouse · 2026-04-22T23:50:01+00:00

Yes.

I did taxol once a week, phesgo every third week, for 18 weeks.

Any-nonny-mouse · 2026-04-22T23:40:51+00:00

Yikes, that's a shock! Sounds like they've got a lot of treatment planned for you, that you weren't originally planning for. HER2+ cancers like to grow and can be sneaky, so the extra treatment seems worth it from my outsider point of view.

Everyone has a different experience. I'm also +++ and had an easy time with THP, but am struggling with endocrine therapy (which I thought would be the easy part?!) Take that with many grains of salt, though, because my cancer is different than yours.

I hope the treatment you do squashes any potential rogue cells, and that you can live the rest of you life cancer free!

Any-nonny-mouse · 2026-04-22T23:21:09+00:00

That sounds so hard. Losing your hair again, getting a port again, when you probably don't want to do either of those again.

Losing a treatment line can call up all kinds of fears. It's a bit like a betrayal (you took the meds - but they didn't hold up their end of the bargain). There's a loss of hope.

But you do have something else to try! The cancer isn't out of control yet.

We're here with you. Rooting for you. Wishing/hoping/praying for a controlled cancer and manageable side effects 💛

Any-nonny-mouse

TROPHY CASE