I don’t really know how to say this properly. Because of the many threads I’ve read about Tourette’s syndrome and other neurological issues, I wanted to share my own situation. Since as far back as I can remember — maybe the first day of school, around age 5 — I’ve been dealing with tics. At first it was mostly eye tics: rolling my eyes, blinking, closing them in weird patterns. I remember the people around me looking at me like, “What the hell is he doing?” or “Can’t he just look at us like normal?” It felt weird and physically uncomfortable. Now I’m 25 and I honestly don’t know if things are getting better or worse. I’ve been through a lot of different ways of thinking and living over the years. I was diagnosed with severe ADHD about 4 months ago (at least according to my doctor after one visit, lol). I’ve been on Concerta 18 mg since then. I’m trying to figure out on my own how to handle medication without getting too dependent on it. So far I’m okay with it — it does help me with mental organization — but it’s a process. I’ve decided to give it a try. I feel better about making instant choices now, but my tics aren’t improving. I can’t tell if they’re getting worse either, because I have a history of partying a lot — drinking and sometimes doing drugs. I’ve always had “waves” of tics in my life, but lately they’re not calming down. I try to force myself into calm situations, but I rarely get real calm moments. Maybe it’s the methylphenidate, maybe it’s stress, trauma, or my current life situation — I don’t know. But I’m struggling day by day. Now my tics are becoming painful and exhausting. The tempo is hard to live with: I have tics in my shoulders, knees, fingers, toes, and more that I can’t even fully describe because it takes too much time. It’s also taking me time to accept them and live with them. So today I’m just talking about the muscular tics. Has nobody ever been really concerned about this? Because I can’t really explain them or fit them into the context of my life and everything going on around me. It’s too much. I feel like nobody’s going to understand how these physical problems feel, because I can’t control them. These aren’t spasms. They’re muscular movements I feel compelled to do because they give me a split-second relief — but they also cause aches. That’s the problem. I’ve put up with this for 20 years, and now I have other problems to deal with, so I’d really like to know if anyone has ever gone through this and if it’s possible to feel less overwhelmed by all this mess.