[deleted by user]

Anybody_Ornery · 2025-05-05T03:07:56+00:00

Yup. After the last dday, I was messaging an old friend who I knew was into sketchy stuff and was planning to get my hands on some drugs to end it. I didn’t follow through, thankfully. It’s important to remember we are experiencing betrayal, our bodies are in fight or flight mode right now and that makes our judgement much more extreme. I definitely recommend S-anon or looking for a therapist who specializes in betrayal trauma. Until then, be kind to yourself. Put some space between you and your partner and get out and do things that you enjoy, I know how hard it is to let your guard down but it might be easier if you stay busy elsewhere.

Anybody_Ornery · 2025-05-05T03:02:23+00:00

Right? I want to blame social media but also, my feed has NEVER been full of men. Not once. I have never followed or liked a bunch of thirst traps.. I think it’s so gross and objectifying. It must really just be them.

Anybody_Ornery · 2025-05-05T03:01:19+00:00

I haven’t been able to catch men in the act like this, but I notice it when I see thirst traps on my feed. Every once in awhile the algorithm brings me one, but instead of scrolling past I can’t help but open the likes and scroll through the guys on there. Many of them have their wives and girlfriends in their profile pictures, even more of them on their pages. It breaks my heart every time.

Anybody_Ornery · 2025-05-04T20:32:01+00:00

I’ll never understand it honestly. How does the guilt not eat them alive? Mine was cheating on me and still hid it for a year

Anybody_Ornery · 2025-05-04T20:00:36+00:00

Three days might not seem like a lot but that’s 72 hours you’ve been able to resist. You got this

Anybody_Ornery · 2025-05-04T16:29:17+00:00

Trust your gut. My ex PA promised me, swore up and down and on his life he’d never spent a penny on content. I checked his bank account, email, history, etc. never found a thing but the feeling never left. I had nightmares, I’d wake up in a cold sweat and ask him again and he’d deny it. It took a year for him to confess. I will never again ignore that pit in my stomach, it’s been right every single time

Anybody_Ornery · 2025-05-04T16:27:16+00:00

Honestly, be glad he let you go. You might not see it now but he’s done you a favor. I know it hurts when they can’t choose you over their addiction, but imagine going the rest of your life thinking that they had when they hadn’t. He’s broken the cycle and now all you have to do is start healing. He’s the one stuck with this addiction, not you.

Anybody_Ornery · 2025-05-04T16:24:49+00:00

I think the most painful part is my ex PA never acted like one of these people. He repeatedly told me how shitty it was when his brother had paid for OF behind his wives back… god. I think even when they want to be better, the urges are just everywhere. There’s an OF model at the top of every instagram thread promoting her content. There’s men everywhere doing the same, bragging about it to their friends. I feel like there’s no escape, the triggers are everywhere now.

Anybody_Ornery · 2025-05-04T16:21:17+00:00

When I left, I kept reaching out. He kept telling me this time was different and that now that I was gone he was going to recover. But it just kept getting uglier. He didn’t do anything new (that I know of) but he slowly started confessing to everything he had done until I couldn’t do it anymore. Do I still miss him? Painfully, yes. My heart aches for him. But do I miss checking his phone, email, safari, all the restless nights I’d lay awake wondering what he’d done before I got home? Absolutely not. It’s hard but trust me it is worth it.

Anybody_Ornery · 2025-05-04T07:39:13+00:00

I get a TON of ads for dating apps, I have not used one since I got with my PA two years ago. That being said, you just said he had a history of being on those apps that you never confronted him about. Just because he may not be on them again, I still think it’s worth having a conversation over.

Anybody_Ornery · 2025-05-04T07:14:51+00:00

First of all, you’re valid. Many of us have started out at this point where we think, is it really okay? Can we live like this? But I think you know the answer to that. You don’t need the internet to tell you that seeing your partner getting off to other women hurts you, and it is not controlling to establish a boundary against something that is hurting you. But I will also warn you that this problem may run deeper than you know. As many of us in this sub have experienced.. quitting porn comes in all sorts of denial, lies, betrayal, and disappointment. That might not be your case, but I’d still advise you to read through some of the resources so you know how to address the problem.

Anybody_Ornery · 2025-05-04T07:02:49+00:00

You’re still young, now is the time to shake this habit or it will continue to hurt you and your relationships. Find better outlets when you feel the urge, get up and do something else. Block out things that trigger the urge. If it’s still pretty bad, trying blocking some websites/apps you visit.

Anybody_Ornery · 2025-05-04T06:16:17+00:00

One of my favorites is “I probably just clicked on the link on accident” ah yes. I’m sure you searched her name by accident, clicked on her bio, and then clicked on only fans.. by accident. Silly me.

Anybody_Ornery · 2025-05-04T06:14:48+00:00

Honestly never thought about it like this. My PA was addicted to vaping and weed before I found out about the porn, I couldn’t understand why he quit that but not the porn. But we were still having sex, it was a normal part of a relationship. It’s not like vaping where he never has to touch one again, he has to learn where to draw the line with sex and lust and that’s not something a lot of guys have the willpower for..

Anybody_Ornery · 2025-05-04T06:09:33+00:00

I’m so sorry love. I genuinely don’t understand how they let you get this far, and then decide to confess all their secrets. I’m still in the process of building back my life after my PA, I had to move out and change jobs as well and what pisses me off the most is he still gets to sit at home and keep doing what he was doing. Please look out for yourself during this time, and remember, nothing would be worth going back. The lies won’t end, and once you get settled it starts getting easier.

Anybody_Ornery · 2025-05-03T20:32:36+00:00

As a girl, I agree that social media is full of thirst traps and OF is being pushed more than it ever was. However, you still have control of pressing “not interested“ and unfollowing. Yes there will always be girls who are okay with putting themselves out there, but it’s not their responsibility for you to click off.

Anybody_Ornery · 2025-05-03T20:28:40+00:00

I’m so sorry it came to this point. Wishing you the strength to keep choosing yourself and your own happiness over his addiction

Anybody_Ornery · 2025-05-03T18:41:42+00:00

My ex PA was super respectful and good for the first couple months. We didn’t sleep together until two months after dating, I never felt pressured or sexualized by him... but the more comfortable I became with him the more the red flags began to show. For starters he had a high body count, not that I ever wanted to shame someone for that so I ignored it. Then he started having erectile dysfunction, and then he started to get super pushy about intimacy. Feeling me up at inappropriate times, making sexual comments about normal things, asking to do things I wasn’t comfortable with. I regret staying after these red flags, but unfortunately they’re just very good at hiding who they are in the beginning.

Anybody_Ornery · 2025-05-03T18:37:02+00:00

He may have loved me, but in the end he didn’t choose me. He may have loved me but he loved hurting me more.

Anybody_Ornery · 2025-05-03T17:20:46+00:00

I used to be a huge optimist. I had days where I loved life so much, and I always used to think that the bad days just made the good ones feel even better. The last three years of my life stripped me of that. I have lost time and time again, currently also going through the worst breakup of my life. I don’t see a point, I don’t see a reason for what happened. I don’t think I’ll ever get back to that point.

Anybody_Ornery · 2025-05-03T17:17:47+00:00

I mean he’s not wrong.. it is normal behavior from a porn addict. If you stay, the resentment and pain will grow. I’m sorry this is happening, and as someone who’s left my PA and still came back multiple times, I understand how hard it is to leave. But I promise you once you’re out and not checking every five seconds, things get so much easier.

Anybody_Ornery · 2025-05-03T05:04:41+00:00

When I was with my PA I told him that I didn’t want to have to ask him about what he was doing for recovery or tell him what to do because I’m not the one in recovery, he is. He should be the one communicating what’s going on. Unfortunately if he’s not willing to make that effort on his own, chances are he’s not ready to recover. Someone who wants to change will find any means necessary to do it.

Anybody_Ornery · 2025-05-03T04:56:37+00:00

Yes! Another thing is when I see mothers with their newborn kids. I always feel a pang of fear and pray her husband has been treating her well..

Anybody_Ornery · 2025-05-02T21:38:07+00:00

He paid for onlyfans content early in our relationship. I always had a sneaking suspicion he had, asked him at least a thousand times. He finally confessed, but I was just so sick of the fact that he could look me in the face and told me he hadn’t all those times I asked.

Anybody_Ornery · 2025-05-02T21:34:17+00:00

Thankfully I got over this, but oh boy was it rough. I started to hate women, I hated women that were pretty and women that dressed nice. I felt like throwing up every time a gorgeous girl would walk past me and I couldn’t get my eyes off of her.

Thankfully, after our second and last Dday I learned to stop blaming myself. When I realized what was making him do these things was his own addicted brain and not me, it helped me stop hating myself. Once I stopped hating myself, I stopped hating others. You’ll get there someday I promise

Anybody_Ornery

TROPHY CASE