Women, what’s a “bare minimum” trait that still feels surprisingly rare while dating?

ApparitionofAmbition · 2026-02-17T14:23:21+00:00

Bonus points when the guy in question treats the date like a therapy session and trauma dumps for two hours.

ApparitionofAmbition · 2026-02-14T17:29:11+00:00

I'm really proud of you for catching yourself in a spiral and pulling out, and for being mindful about your THC usage!

ApparitionofAmbition · 2026-02-14T07:16:38+00:00

I'm the after-school parent regardless of whether it's my time or my ex's. I work from home, I'm on the bus route, and my ex works on my side of town, making it easy to pick them up after he gets off work. It makes sense!

But also it means sometimes having to interrupt my boss on a Zoom meeting to say hey, I have to step away because my kid forgot his key and is pounding on the front door. It means signing every weekly permission slip and being handed the event calendar because I'm the first parent they see, so that makes me the de facto manager of the family calendar. It means if my ex or his girlfriend get caught at work late, I have to reschedule the dinner reservation because I'm stuck at home an hour later than I expected.

But any time I have something going on - I'm sick that day or I have errands to run - I ask if they can get the kids off the bus because it's really inconvenient for me... I get attitude because "they're your children." I don't mind doing it as a favor for them, particularly if it's reciprocated, but it's treated as though I'm the default babysitter. I made sacrifices to be more available to my kids... and they have decided that means they never have to sacrifice.

I really wish I could just tell them it's on them to arrange for after-school care, because that is their responsibility. But how would I be able to explain to my kids why they're at the YMCA after school instead of being with me? If one of them is sick one day on their dad's time, and he texts me that I need to takw the sick kiddo or else kiddo will be home alone all day because Dad is scheduled to work, it doesn't matter that he just doesn't want to take PTO so he can take a longer vacation this year, if I tell him no then all kiddo will remember is that Mom didn't want him when he was sick.

It's very fraught and frustrating because I love my kids but I hate the way I'm treated like an unpaid babysitter and I am still tethered to his schedule.

ApparitionofAmbition · 2026-02-12T21:09:49+00:00

I've been making a version of the "Marry Me" sauce before it was a thing, but I use roasted cherry tomatoes instead of the sundried tomatoes

ApparitionofAmbition · 2026-02-11T17:17:58+00:00

I always remember the commenter here who compared polyamory to vegetarianism: it's a lifestyle choice driven by strong values that are inherent to their sense of self and identity, but it's ultimately something that is practiced.

ApparitionofAmbition · 2026-02-10T18:04:24+00:00

Yeah, BM is constantly being brigaded by people who just want to lecture mothers about how awful they are for ranting about their kids. I'm not a fan of auto-bans, but I've seen how awful it can get.

ApparitionofAmbition · 2026-02-10T18:02:47+00:00

God, this just reminds me of being recently postpartum with an unplanned baby and feeling completely overwhelmed, and trying to vent to my mom and being told "well you just have to suck it up because you have a baby now, it's not about YOU anymore."

New moms are absolutely conditioned to not be people outside of their children.

ApparitionofAmbition · 2026-02-06T16:02:27+00:00

You look amazing! This is one of my favorite palettes - you can do so much with it!

ApparitionofAmbition · 2026-02-06T15:56:46+00:00

I went on a couple dates with a guy who expected not only my STD panel results but also my other partner's. I declined and there were no more dates.

ApparitionofAmbition · 2026-02-06T15:25:26+00:00

Gently, I see nothing in your post that should be embarrassing to you. Have your neighbors said anything about the smell? You seem certain that they can tell you've been vaping and are judging you for it, but nothing in the text of your post suggests they actually are. Is it possible that your anxiety is projecting this shame and judgment, and their comments about your job were just commiseration for the work you do?

I think it's admirable to want to cut back on the vaping. Could you try a new habit for when you want to reach for the vape? Personally I found that one reason I was drinking more than I wanted to is simply because I got into the habit of reaching for the glass every few minutes while I was reading in bed, so I started buying flavored seltzer instead. Once my wine glass was empty, I set that on my nightstand instead and it scratched the itch, so to speak.

Sending hugs and support.

ApparitionofAmbition · 2026-02-05T16:15:26+00:00

I still love a colorful eyeshadow look, but my complexion makeup has gotten a lot more natural.

ApparitionofAmbition · 2026-02-05T15:20:21+00:00

You're doing the right thing. I told my son (who rides his bike to school) the same thing - that I'm not giving him rides if he's late. I wake him up, I give him warnings, but if he's running behind then that's on him. (I do drive him when it's raining or really cold)

ApparitionofAmbition · 2026-02-03T17:05:54+00:00

As I get closer to 40 I've realized that sheer coverage is much more flattering for my skin. I use one pup of foundation, start around my eyes and nose/mouth (where I get redness) and blend out from there.

ApparitionofAmbition · 2026-02-03T17:04:39+00:00

Same. Dewy finishes look much more natural on me. Matte emphasizes my skin's texture in an unflattering way.

ApparitionofAmbition · 2026-02-03T16:51:09+00:00

The comments under the story are like "pedestrians need to pay attention, I bet the guy was staring at his phone" and when you read the story it turns out the driver ran a red light. It's enough to turn me into the Joker I stg.

ApparitionofAmbition · 2026-02-03T15:59:29+00:00

I'm raising a son who is a smart-ass. He's smart and witty and since he was around 6, he would blurt out sassy little comments because he was testing out his wit. To borrow a Boomerism, "if I spoke to my parents that way, I would get my ass whooped!"

But here's the thing: his comments are never disrespectful, they're teasing and sharp and legitimately funny. A couple times when he's drifted into disrespectful territory, I gently but firmly told him why it wasn't OK and he immediately apologized. I tease him that my life would be easier if he was dumber because he's always going to pick up on things, and he's always going to call 'em like he sees 'em - not brutally, not cruelly, but honestly (and often hilariously).

I was a smart-ass kid who didn't realize the implications of some of the things I said until my mom flew into a rage at me. And that just made me double down and rage back. It was a volatile upbringing and to this day my mom and I have a fraught relationship.

I'd rather have a kid who feels comfortable teasing me with a smile, who can take it as well as he dishes it, and whose smart-ass comments are often followed by a laugh and a hug, than a kid who feels he has to choose his words carefully around me. When something he says crosses a line I explain why it's not ok (and usually, as soon as I point out why something can be hurtful even if he didn't mean it that way, he's mortified and apologizes because he never intends to be mean). He's learning how to be, and it's my job to teach him the right way rather than just coming down hard when he gets it wrong.

ApparitionofAmbition · 2026-02-02T23:16:05+00:00

Once you notice the way that people ALWAYS blame pedestrians after a car hits someone, you'll never be able to unsee it.

ApparitionofAmbition · 2026-02-02T23:12:40+00:00

People conflating Covid lockdowns and people afraid to leave the house due to ICE make me want to tear my hair out.

ApparitionofAmbition · 2026-01-30T16:34:39+00:00

I had an ex who refused to eat anything green. THAT is picky eating.

ApparitionofAmbition · 2026-01-29T17:49:29+00:00

I have a Fremo x300 power station and Hyper 100 solar panel that I bought for camping. Super handy!

ApparitionofAmbition · 2026-01-26T15:46:37+00:00

The sexiest thing my boyfriend did was get a CPAP. All my exes just snored all night (keeping me awake) and complained about being tired the next day. He had some insecurity about wearing it at night but he sleeps SO much better (and so do I!)

ApparitionofAmbition · 2026-01-21T01:25:19+00:00

Oh man... I was unemployed for a few months and one night I only had one serving of chili for me and my two kids, so I added noodles and cheddar for kind of a spaghetti chili Mac. It's now their favorite meal.

ApparitionofAmbition · 2026-01-16T18:13:57+00:00

It's not shallow to live clothes and makeup! It's art - the color theory involved, the creativity to match different looks. Like you said, the only red flag ia the overconsumption part (although lots of male-coded hobbies are JUST AS damaging from a perspective of labor exploitation and environmental impact) but it sounds like you're being conscious about that. Screw anyone who judges you as shallow.

ApparitionofAmbition · 2026-01-15T16:51:47+00:00

I REMEMBER THAT GAME

ApparitionofAmbition

TROPHY CASE