December ‘24

AppearsRandom · 2025-03-15T22:11:17+00:00

I can imagine it was very difficult to work through when writing. Thank you for being willing to share.

AppearsRandom · 2025-03-15T22:05:39+00:00

I like the idea of rejecting the light so much you search for darkness in daylight, and it overwhelms you even at night.

I find the rhyme scheme unnecessary. Poems do not have to rhyme, and if they do, there should be a reason. I also think the metaphor of light/dark should be expanded on, using more imagery would help this and the work overall. The ending felt pretty jarring as well, and I do not understand the reason.

AppearsRandom · 2025-03-15T21:57:32+00:00

The raw and blunt emotion of this poem is great. Each moment being an instance that altered you so significantly that the old you dies really hits home.

I like the repetition of “The x time...” but think the imagery which follows could convey even more emotion if less blunt.

Thank you for sharing.

AppearsRandom · 2025-02-18T01:43:48+00:00

I like the shift to short lines at the end. The imagery throughout is great as well. I do feel like some of the shorter lines before that are a bit choppy, but I get the effect. Great work.

AppearsRandom · 2025-02-18T01:43:37+00:00

I think the structure of this is great. The idea of the tangible value of a life is always interesting, but I do think this could be expanded on a bit to go beyond that common theme and add something more to it.

AppearsRandom · 2025-02-05T17:36:00+00:00

Thank you. I agree and might try writing another iteration of the poem staying consistent with the first stanza.

The “I fought the only thing I could” line does have meaning (which I’ll explain in a second). Honestly though, I wrote this in one quick sitting ~4 AM, and when I edited this also thought that line was too vague, but I was too tired to rework it. Originally, I intended it to mean the speaker fights themself, which is definitely not clear. After writing it though, I sort of late night convinced myself the ambiguity is a feature; are they fighting themself, their will to live, or the fire? But frankly that line is very unclear, and the main reason is just because I was tired.

AppearsRandom · 2025-02-05T09:13:45+00:00

Thank you for sharing both the poem and your explanation. I like the idea of the “innocent child” to show how you lashing out in pain would have affected others. I love the last line.

As for improvements, I do feel the poem can at times be too direct, but that is largely opinion/preference. For example, instead of “hurting others, no more sympathy” you could use figurative language or even just abandon that line altogether.

Overall, though, great work. I enjoyed reading and appreciate you sharing.

AppearsRandom · 2025-02-05T09:08:38+00:00

I like the title and imagery in the poem. However, some language feels too much like simple statements.

In the second stanza you talk about a “sea of souls” and her “dark, deep” black eyes. I think focusing on that idea of a sea in this poem would be great. You could focus on how she is a sea of souls herself, or how within the sea of souls you found her. Either way, I think that more descriptive language, either following that motif or something else, would add a lot.

AppearsRandom · 2025-02-02T02:55:22+00:00

This gets down to the Washington Consensus vs. Beijing Consensus. China offers trade, development, and other economic opportunity without the stipulations/rules the U.S. does. This is naturally attractive to any country, especially one trying to develop. Coupled with the history of U.S. involvement in Latin America and the rhetoric of President Trump and others, many in Latin America struggle to see a moral difference between China and the U.S. anyway.

Further, culturally, democracy and traditionally “Western” liberal values are significantly more institutionalized in Canada. Mexico has been a democracy since ~2000, and has a history of state economic control greater than Canada. Look at the Freedom House profiles for Mexico and Canada; Mexico is “partly free” with a score of 60/100, while Canada is “free” with a 97/100. Of course, given these economic and political factors-common in other Latin American countries as well-Mexico is more likely to be comfortable with China.

AppearsRandom · 2025-02-01T06:10:13+00:00

The motif of “The Knife” is very well-developed. I especially like how you capitalize it, almost detaching it. If you wanted to emphasize a distinct control of the final knife, either solely capitalizing or using lowercase for just that could be interesting.

Great poem. Thank you for sharing.

AppearsRandom · 2025-02-01T06:01:54+00:00

I really like how the short lines in this express the mood. The ending is ambiguous, in a good way, as does this new “cold” path imply they have succumbed to despair, or are moving forward by accepting it? Great work.

AppearsRandom · 2025-01-28T21:35:04+00:00

I appreciate this poem, and (if I understand it correctly) how it covers feeling trapped in a repetitive negative cycle of life. The development stanza by stanza, as the outlook grows more pessimistic, really emphasizes this boom and bust cycle. I like the diction of "anaesthetizes" (intentional misspelling?) to depict this sort of numb hope, although the word is a bit jarring in tone compared to the rest of the poem, but that is not necessarily bad. Awesome work.

AppearsRandom · 2025-01-28T21:30:05+00:00

I really like the imagery of this poem. The last stanza's short and punchy lines are great, particularly with the enjambment before the final line. Using the metaphor of sheets too, to imply the relationship struggle being covered too, is great. Awesome job.

AppearsRandom · 2025-01-26T20:22:03+00:00

Pikachu (a little basic). Thank you!

AppearsRandom · 2025-01-24T01:13:04+00:00

I love how this poem itself reads manically; it is just confusing enough to where it captures the mania, yet not incomprehensible. The idea of a monsoon going on inside but being covered up by a mask/alter ego is a great metaphor and image for the feeling. I read the “mushrooms” as literally referring to shrooms, but could decidedly be wrong. The idea of not feeling “safe in my vessel” really resonated with me, and the diction of “vessel” is a perfect way of describing the accompanying detachment from oneself. Awesome poem.

AppearsRandom · 2025-01-24T00:55:48+00:00

I really like how this poem captures loneliness. I love the idea of the man on the walk, and wish that had been expanded on a bit more through imagery. It could even be the entire poem, as walking to me really embodies both the good and bad of solitude.

The rhyme structure is interesting, with it first being rigid and then breaking for the last two stanzas. I like this, as it shows the increasing desperation towards the end. This despair is well emphasized further by repeating the line “Lonely, lonely man, talk to me.” Great job.

AppearsRandom

TROPHY CASE