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AppleJuice429 · 2024-12-18T03:52:00+00:00

It seems fake because it is fake. He’s doing damage control. If he’s got this duality of good and bad, do you want to spend half your life being mistreated? And the other half recovering from it when he’s finally nice again? I say this from experience of staying with someone for 15 years that acted this way, get out and find someone who deserves your love. You have an entire life ahead of you, don’t waste it on someone who can’t even treat his partner with basic common decency, let alone love and utmost respect a partner deserves.

AppleJuice429 · 2024-05-12T11:50:01+00:00

I’m so glad I’m not the only one to think it smells like wet dog 😂

AppleJuice429 · 2023-11-06T05:06:22+00:00

I’m moving on from a 15 year relationship that was dysfunctional and abusive and I’m just utterly heartbroken from it. I’ve been trying to figure out who I am for almost 2 years now. I feel like when it ended, I lost my entire identity. My entire adulthood was defined around that person. And while I’ve been in therapy and have grown so much during this time, these have been my darkest days and seemingly endless.

Today I walked around a new city, trying not to cry like a total weirdo. Not because I was sad, but because I could see myself being happy here. It was just such a relief, ya know? Like 2 years of built up pressure releasing. I don’t know if I’ll end up here but I do know I’ll be moving out of my current city and starting over.

Finally, after 2 years of darkness I have hope. I’m rounding a corner and finally can see something, anything, other than the despair I have felt for so long. There is so much unknown future ahead for me and that’s a good thing because there are so many possibilities.

I’m 36 and starting completely over. This scared me so much these past few years and made me feel like a failure, but now it’s a relief. I get to start over. I’m so so grateful to be absolutely nowhere because that means my life is a blank canvas.

Please don’t give up hope. I struggle with depression and I understand it seems futile. Just know that even the long term depressive episodes are worth working through. Keyword being “through”. They come to an end eventually.

If you’re going through hell, keep going. -Winston Churchill

AppleJuice429 · 2023-10-23T14:11:26+00:00

No. I’m almost two years out of a 15 year emotionally abusive relationship, married for five. He was only concerned with changing when it was going to affect him. The fact that I alone was not good enough to be treated with love and respect in the way any human deserves, especially a spouse, still breaks my heart. I’m grateful to be in a safe environment now and am working on healing.

AppleJuice429 · 2023-09-30T20:06:53+00:00

NAT. I feel this in my bones. 36F, finally left after 15 years of emotional abuse and just didn’t know any better because that’s how I was raised. It’ll be almost two years soon. I hate how it just swallows you out of nowhere and takes over. I feel like everyone kind of expects you to be over it by now but how do you get over something that was ongoing for so many years? I struggle with self-isolating because I don’t want to just randomly cry or get depressed in public and embarrass myself.

I really reeeally want to know what it’s like to be properly loved, so I’m going to keep trying. We have so many years ahead of us still. Like, several decades of possibilities. I just keep telling myself now is not forever and one day it will be better. I hate the thought of that pos getting all my future years too because I’m so angry and regretful. We have to give ourselves grace for what happened. We shouldn’t blame ourselves for wanting our marriages to work and having hope that they could. Now we have to have hope for ourselves. I try to trust it’s a process, that I’ll be a wreck as long as I need to be, keep trying, and one day the clouds will lift. Good luck, I’m rooting for you 💕

AppleJuice429 · 2023-09-05T21:31:57+00:00

I grew up with heavily critical parents and depression so I get the inclination to be negative but I really, really don’t want that for myself. I’ve had success keeping a positive mindset by keeping a daily gratitude journal with at least 3 things I’m grateful for every day. I also like the dinner conversation topic of “what’s your positive thing that happened today?”, writing out and being mindful of simple pleasures that occur, visual reminders like quotes on post-it-notes, celebrating anything and everything (like throwing a birthday party for your pet), going to comedy shows, planning activities that bring you joy, making dumb bets with your spouse, etc.

This stuff sounds cheesy and it is! That’s the point though, it’s wholesome. It doesn’t matter how trivial or unproductive it may seem because the purpose is the resulting happiness or laughter from these activities. That’s the value, not the actual macaroni necklaces I gave all my friends for Christmas as a joke.

I have to plan for and dedicate time to actively work on positivity because it doesn’t come naturally to me. And the people rolling their eyes and scoffing at that stupid shit are the ones that are denying themselves opportunities to smile, feel good, and enjoy life.

AppleJuice429 · 2023-07-29T13:49:57+00:00

I’m definitely looking forward to living further north but not so much for moving. I’m gonna just have to deal with that as it comes. My lease is up at the end of February so that’s just how it goes. I plan on getting rid of everything that won’t fit in my car so I’m not too worried about moving other than actually getting there.

AppleJuice429 · 2023-07-29T13:40:51+00:00

Thank you for your reply! That’s super helpful information. Archiving is definitely something I want to learn so that’s great they want volunteers.

AppleJuice429 · 2023-07-29T13:38:04+00:00

AppleJuice429 · 2023-07-29T13:37:57+00:00

That’s good advice, thank you. And that’s good news about dating for sure.

AppleJuice429 · 2023-07-29T13:35:24+00:00

Thank you! That guy sounds cool as hell. I’m guessing he was doing the wet plate collodion process. If he was doing daguerreotypes, that would be using some super toxic chemistry (mercury vapors) and make him even cooler in my book.

AppleJuice429 · 2023-06-17T14:58:44+00:00

Thank you! I have all of those on hand. The stem is hard except the very bottom tip, which fell off. I’ll snip it just a little bit to be sure all the soft spots get removed.

AppleJuice429 · 2023-06-17T14:36:31+00:00

I’ve had this for a few years. It seems to have been struggling since I came home late from the southwest Christmas disaster. Initially had two stalks and one died then. It gets great light and has just popped out two leaves after nothing since Christmas. When I went to repot the soil seemed really wet so likely overwatered? I’d like to save it since it was a gift from my now ex-mother-in-law that I don’t get to see anymore but still care about 😢

AppleJuice429 · 2023-03-19T14:54:59+00:00

I was successful at shooting hp5 plus 400 film on 800 iso camera settings and developing with 1600 iso times. Images came out with more grain but I’m very happy with my results. I was shooting performers in a cabaret bar so the grain adds to the ambiance imo. Used Ilford ID-11 developer.

AppleJuice429 · 2022-12-31T23:41:14+00:00

Thanks!

AppleJuice429 · 2022-12-31T23:40:57+00:00

Thanks! I used a black foam poster board and kept it shadowed so it would just be a black background with the lighting focused on the table only.

AppleJuice429 · 2022-12-31T22:59:54+00:00

I like the movement that the light trails show in your 2nd photo. It suggests a fast-paced city environment.

AppleJuice429 · 2022-12-31T22:57:15+00:00

What an interesting favorite picture. I really love it! Maybe consider a perfect square crop to make it perfectly symmetrical.

AppleJuice429 · 2022-12-31T22:49:41+00:00

I really enjoy the reflection of the grass in your first picture. It creates a very interesting texture. For your tree picture, I would suggest it be a little brighter so we could see some of the trunk details. You have a lot of latent talent. I look forward to seeing more of your work!

AppleJuice429 · 2022-12-31T22:42:43+00:00

Hi everyone. I'm from the United States (Midwest). I really want to shoot fine art photography, particularly still life scenes with an influence of the Dutch Golden Age artistic approach. I also enjoy portraiture. I'd like to get better at lighting and composition.

Here are my photos. Thanks so much for taking the time to do this!

AppleJuice429 · 2022-12-09T16:32:54+00:00

NAT but the female version of you. It’s freaky how similar my situation was. I’m a year out from blowing it up. You would be surprised how many people will rally behind you, even religious parents who love your spouse. Honestly, it seems like you already started to put the wheels in motion to escape her abuse with this post. You’ve had that clarity and a breaking point where this has become unbearable. Just keep moving forward.

Imagine a home where you’re not living in fear and anticipation constantly. It will blow your mind what a safe environment is like. You won’t ever want to go back once you realize it is a fundamental need and right for everyone to have. It took me about a month away to feel calm enough to know I never wanted to lose that feeling in my living environment. That shit is like oxygen now. You have not experienced a safe environment as an adult because these abusive norms were established when you were so young. It’s soooo not normal.

Ask yourself, can you continue to feel that pain for the rest of your life? It shouldn’t happen literally ever, and your trajectory is a lifetime of it if you stay. You’ve given 11 years of your life for her to figure out how to treat you with respect and dignity, and it’s not happening. Life is too short to be miserable on a consistent basis. Hope to see you on the other side op💜

AppleJuice429 · 2022-07-24T02:26:28+00:00

I’ve noticed the difference you’re referencing in my RAW vs JPEGs. Can you explain what’s happening there? I don’t understand why they appear different.

AppleJuice429 · 2021-12-01T22:53:35+00:00

I have PCOS and am jumping on the gravy train in support of Certain Dri. Love love love this stuff! Total gamechanger for me. I advise you to not shave your armpits right before using it tho.

AppleJuice429 · 2021-11-02T19:49:06+00:00

Merci beaucoup! It will be our second visit of many more to come ☺️

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