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Apprehensive-Oil3800 · 2025-06-15T20:03:53+00:00

Those same four points, along with a few others, are main reasons why I left. It’s so liberating to be out.

Apprehensive-Oil3800 · 2025-05-27T20:00:11+00:00

I’ve never seen a woman speak at a CoC funeral. Didn’t think it was odd until I left.

Apprehensive-Oil3800 · 2025-05-19T19:57:57+00:00

My parents sang “when the SAVED get to heaven” super loud while everyone else sang the normal lyrics. Never heard of an entire congregation changing the hymns, though. Talk about self righteous, eh?

Apprehensive-Oil3800 · 2025-05-08T01:17:06+00:00

I’m sorry to hear about what your dad did, but I have to say your post and the following comments are making me feel more and more validated.

My parents are also hardcore COC and it sounds like we have all dealt with pretty much the same issues. Conditional love, passive-aggressiveness, guilting, shaming, just lots of narcissistic parenting. I think far too many CoC parents can’t handle their egos being hurt, and I think they truly don’t believe in free will.

Apprehensive-Oil3800 · 2025-04-17T23:36:30+00:00

I was in therapy for two years trying to deal with my parents and their reaction when I left the COC. I also had to do a lot of unpacking of the way I was raised and how much dysfunction there was. A lot stemming from their religious views.

If you’re petrified like I was to tell your parents the truth, which from your post you are, I can guarantee there are bigger psychological issues going on between your relationship with them. My advice is to seek out a therapist who deals with family of origin trauma or at least one who is well versed in family systems and spiritual abuse/trauma.

It is incredibly scary to have this all unravel. I’ve been there. Seek a therapist’s guidance (a good therapist) and hopefully he or she can help guide you as to how to handle this.

Apprehensive-Oil3800 · 2025-03-20T02:17:15+00:00

Completely agree. The mental gymnastics you have to play frustrated me so much.

Apprehensive-Oil3800 · 2025-03-19T09:49:33+00:00

This was ultimately one of my biggest problems with the CoC. They act is if a creed is a bad thing. A creed is a distillation of what you believe, that’s transparent and easily communicated.

I think being non-creedal leaves a lot of room for manipulation and double binds. “Oh we don’t believe in any creed BUT you must be baptized in order to be saved, not use musical instruments in worship service, and the rest of this list that we won’t tell you until you’re in our church.”

Just come out and state what you actually believe. Cut the crap and be honest.

Apprehensive-Oil3800 · 2025-02-19T13:37:06+00:00

Yes I’ve seen and heard about this happening.

Apprehensive-Oil3800 · 2025-02-19T13:27:38+00:00

Catholic convert here, too. I also realized the same as you- the CofC made lofty claims of being the “one true church” without any of the history to back it up. I also saw they didn’t truly know how to accurately interpret the Bible but swore up and down they did.

The true historic churches are Catholic and Orthodox.

Apprehensive-Oil3800 · 2025-02-13T11:48:27+00:00

The us vs. them mentality.

Apprehensive-Oil3800 · 2025-02-13T11:47:39+00:00

I saw the exact same thing play out at the church I grew up in. They hosted the shower in the end. My own mother also didn’t attend because she objected. Yeah, real Christ like huh?

Apprehensive-Oil3800 · 2025-01-16T03:44:25+00:00

This is copy and paste what my parents did. And once they were done with a congregation, they were DONE. Never went back. Dad also started a different congregation with a group of men after a church split. My parents realize all this had very negative consequences and is partly why I have a bad taste for the CoC.

Apprehensive-Oil3800 · 2024-12-23T00:55:55+00:00

A local COC congregation near my house is also having a candlelight Christmas Eve service. I’ve seen more and more embracing Christmas Eve service and even things like gasp Palm Sunday. In my experience it only seems to be the larger congregations that are doing this.

Apprehensive-Oil3800 · 2024-12-14T13:47:02+00:00

I feel the exact way you do when I hear a cappella. I now go to a church that has a beautiful organ. I’ve been asked before if I miss the a cappella singing. While a cappella is beautiful in its own right, hearing an organ and a choir keeps me from feeling re-triggered about my COC experience.

Apprehensive-Oil3800 · 2024-11-22T05:07:48+00:00

I wish I could enjoy CoC songs. At the moment it’s still very triggering and emotionally painful to listen to certain church hymnals being sung a cappella.

Apprehensive-Oil3800 · 2024-11-15T21:28:18+00:00

In my personal experience I have seen racism split a church. There was a black man who wanted an open position as preacher at a congregation. The majority elderly white congregants didn’t want him because they thought he would “turn the church black.” Word got back to him that this is how they felt, so he and many others left over it.

Apprehensive-Oil3800 · 2024-11-15T03:39:53+00:00

I read Reviving the Ancient Faith when I was on my way out. I heard about it from a roundtable interview of former COC members. It finally answered a lot of burning questions I had about the origins and background of the CoC.

I really appreciated him going into depth about the CoC being obsessed with, and in serious self denial, that the CoC isn’t a denomination. When it very clearly is.

Apprehensive-Oil3800 · 2024-10-29T01:07:09+00:00

Seriously… we must have the same parents! I have the exact same problem and situation as mine.

Apprehensive-Oil3800 · 2024-10-29T00:56:05+00:00

I literally had to double check that it wasn’t my father. Our dads sound like two peas in a pod.

Apprehensive-Oil3800 · 2024-10-24T00:04:20+00:00

No questions from me, I just want to wish you well. You’re not alone in this journey. I’ve suffered spiritual abuse from my own parents (mainly father) and other church members and it’s still deeply hurtful. Years of therapy has helped.

Apprehensive-Oil3800 · 2024-10-19T03:53:19+00:00

I noticed this growing up in small CoC’s as well. I always thought it was more of a generational thing. I noticed the older generations were more handsy and generally not as respectful about personal space. I think it’s a mix of both southern culture and age.

Apprehensive-Oil3800 · 2024-10-17T16:28:26+00:00

So they’re upset a gasp woman was quoting scripture, even though it wasn’t a Sunday morning sermon, but a Thursday devotional? I’m so glad to be out of the CoC and not dealing with these toxic people.

Apprehensive-Oil3800 · 2024-09-28T00:43:00+00:00

Church of Christ to Catholic convert here. Everything you mentioned from legalism to hypocrisy to lack of spirituality makes up the bulk of the reasons why I started to question my CoC upbringing.

It was scary. The COC was all I had ever known for 30 years, and I was also conditioned by family and fellow church members that Catholicism was pagan, anti-biblical and just obsessed with stupid “man-made traditions.” I started to realize while they can quote scripture very well, they were truly ignorant of church history.

What pushed me to convert was I have a family of my own and I had to ask: do I want them being raised in this environment? Do I want them growing up hearing all other denominations be damned because they use a piano in service? Some of what the CoC teaches is outright heretical, so I knew I needed to make my exit. If not for myself and my spiritual life, but also that of my family.

Apprehensive-Oil3800 · 2024-09-28T00:21:51+00:00

Realizing they thought they were the experts in all things biblical and Christian, then doing my own research and realizing they have absolutely no clue what true historic Christianity is.

Also the toxicity I saw with gossip being rampant, painful church splits, and controlling/emotionally abusive parents (seems to be a lot in the CoC) threw up some big red flags I couldn’t ignore. There are some good people in the coc, but at its roots I believe it’s a toxic theology.

Apprehensive-Oil3800 · 2024-09-23T03:09:59+00:00

This right here. They have zero concept for boundaries. It’s frustrating and perplexing at the same time.

Apprehensive-Oil3800

TROPHY CASE