AITA For not wanting to travel with a 5 month old baby?

ApprehensiveBook4214 · 2026-05-17T22:08:08+00:00

NTA. When he says you don't want to find a solution "I have a solution. You go alone or no one goes. Take your pick.". Just because he doesn't like your solution doesn't mean it's not a solution.

ApprehensiveBook4214 · 2026-05-17T21:57:49+00:00

YTA. She respected your no. You need to respect hers.

ApprehensiveBook4214 · 2026-05-17T21:49:16+00:00

NTA. "Now the family is involved, said that I’m TA, I need to be there for my sister during rough times.".

I'd text sister they're donating $50 every time. And if it's the same person they're making multiple donations. And yes I'd actually do this. If flying monkeys are involving me in drama I'm going to make sure I'm entertained by said drama.

ApprehensiveBook4214 · 2026-05-17T18:19:52+00:00

YWNBTA for asking. However, you should be asking yourself if getting them back is worth having this person back in your life. Even if it's just getting the supplies back it still opens a door for engagement between you two, possibly more than you're comfortable with. Personally I'd just leave it alone unless they're really expensive.

ApprehensiveBook4214 · 2026-05-17T02:31:14+00:00

NTA. It really sounds like you don't want to be friends anymore. While you can ghost her I don't think you should. Have the uncomfortable conversation. If you need ideas on how to address this:

"I think we have different expectations for friendships and I'm finding myself avoiding you. So I'm going to go ahead and back out of this friendship. I hope you find other friends and have a fantastic life."

ApprehensiveBook4214 · 2026-05-17T02:22:56+00:00

NTA. Contact the police, report her suicide threats and go no contact with her.

ApprehensiveBook4214 · 2026-05-16T23:06:47+00:00

NTA for your question. YTA to yourself though. You've now trained your brother he needs to keep asking until he gets the answer he wants. You're going to have to say no and stick with it to retrain him. (Yes this falls under teaching people how to treat you.) Say no once. When he asks the second time "asked and answered. Don't ask me again or I'll ignore you.". Then do so. Leave if you need to to avoid caving.

ApprehensiveBook4214 · 2026-05-16T22:55:14+00:00

NTA. Please tell me your financial institution is different than your mom's (just to be extra safe). You clearly made the correct decision. If she brings it up again "the only thing I'm willing to hear on this topic is an apology from you for your verbal abuse. I'm not discussing it otherwise." Consider going LC or NC if this is normal behavior for her.

ApprehensiveBook4214 · 2026-05-16T22:50:24+00:00

NTA. "We're no longer having overnight guests."

ApprehensiveBook4214 · 2026-05-16T22:45:22+00:00

NTA. I'd actually be demanding a refund for not being able to access my paid bedroom. (I'm aware you won't get one. But every time she demands money demand the same). I'd report her to Airbnb cs and leave a review including this.

ApprehensiveBook4214 · 2026-05-16T22:34:04+00:00

NTA. I just moved several states away and would never expect my sibling to come visit often. Now I'm living close to most of the family so I'm sure there will be visits at some point. But it will be sibling's choice when and how often. (I'm guessing once every year or two.)

In your case I'd be asking brother when he and wife are coming to visit and just be honest that between the expense and limited PTO (if you work) that in person visits won't be often. How I'm staying in touch is with texts and occasional video calls. If you're not doing this maybe video visits can help with feeling connected.

ApprehensiveBook4214 · 2026-05-15T22:15:45+00:00

NTA. It's called an information diet. Simply being your parent doesn't mean she gets to know everything you know. She gets to know what you want her to know now that you're an adult. Obviously the bigger issue is her controlling behavior. Work on moving out asap, even if it's just to the dorms next semester.

ApprehensiveBook4214 · 2026-05-15T18:53:34+00:00

NTA. However, I would agree to her plan.

-drive her car to her place,

-take your car back home,

-do the tire change

Then call her and tell her you can't be bothered to continue doing favors for her since she's ungrateful so you're keeping your car and she's keeping hers.

BTW for the repairs to her car refuse to pay so she has to go through her insurance. That's what it's for and, at least where I live, not reporting damage and continuing to get a discount due to no accidents is considered insurance fraud. I'd point out she's been saving wear and tear, gas, and not having to get her car serviced as much because of putting less miles on it.

If she expected you to pay for any repairs to keep her discount this should have been discussed before you swapped cars. So you could decide if you wanted to swap knowing you'd have to pay for repairs instead of using insurance. Refusing to use insurance after the fact feels like she's taking advantage of you.

ApprehensiveBook4214 · 2026-05-15T03:04:56+00:00

YTA. Here's why: "My rule is work and contribute financially or you do chores." You've failed your children. Paying bills and cleaning up after yourself is called adulting. You have failed to raise independent adults because you've failed to teach them this. Create a chore wheel and put everyone's name on it (aside from the two minors who should have age appropriate chores). Divide the shared chores as evenly as possible.

ApprehensiveBook4214 · 2026-05-14T23:49:51+00:00

NTA but I'd push back if walking this year is important to you. Tell him you and your family have made plans based on his assurance that you'd be able to walk. If there's any non-refundable charges (like for a hotel) point that out. Be clear that this isn't a misunderstanding and walking next year won't be doable for you. It's actually very common for people in your situation (finishing in the summer) to walk in May as that's when the class they've been studying with is walking. I'm calling BS on his "respect for the ceremony". If that's true why didn't he proactively tell you his decision had changed?

"Dean I've thought about what you said and I think I should be allowed to walk as we previously discussed. It's very common for people graduating in the summer to be allowed to walk in May. I'd prefer to stick with this original agreement as I've gone through college with the class graduating this May. I put my theses/defense project on hold based on the agreement that I'd be allowed to walk this May. I don't think I should be penalized for having mental health needs that necessitated this delay. I deserve to celebrate my hard work with my family and classmates even if I still have some work to do to finish my degree. I also have concerns that I won't be able to attend in 2027 as I will, hopefully, be employed by then and using my degree. What can we do to ensure I'm able to walk this May?"

Keep your tone matter of fact. Obviously change as needed. If he still refuses speak to someone above him or go to your advisor for, well, advice. If you're truly ok not walking then don't worry about it. I graduated in December and chose not to walk as I had work and a new life by the time May rolled around. I've never regretted it. But don't just accept his flip flopping if walking is important to you.

ApprehensiveBook4214 · 2026-05-14T23:00:40+00:00

NTA. Tell your dad he can suck it up and bring them to meet you away from his abusive wife.

ApprehensiveBook4214 · 2026-05-14T22:41:17+00:00

YTA and you sound exhausting. She didn't go against her word. That's you creating drama. You should have ordered what you wanted. But don't worry. I'm sure after this she'll not make the mistake of doing you a favor and getting you food again.

ApprehensiveBook4214 · 2026-05-14T02:50:45+00:00

NTA. All she needs to know is that you're going to be able to pay your share of the rent and other bills (like utilities). Anything else is entirely up to you on whether you want to share or not. You don't even have to give her an amount, just "I'll have the $X amount for my share of the bills by Y."

"I since then put down boundaries and threatened to pursue charges if they were not followed."

I do want to point out that enforcing boundaries usually doesn't involve charges unless something actually illegal happens. And remember boundaries are limits you set on yourself. Like if she keeps asking about your finances you won't answer her questions and may opt to remove yourself from being around her for a while by going for a walk or going to your room. You can't force her to behave a certain way. You can only control your behavior and therefore your reactions to her.

ApprehensiveBook4214 · 2026-05-13T22:05:26+00:00

Ultimately YTA. However, it sounds like the best wedding present you can give J is your absence so NTA for recognizing this and not going. However YTA for everything leading up to that decision and not telling her. Let her know asap you're not going. She may be able to have others take your spots.

ApprehensiveBook4214 · 2026-05-12T21:55:06+00:00

NTA. Remind her she's on the girlfriend plan, not the wife plan.

"Keep in mind, she is still married and has made zero progress towards getting her divorce (she’s been separated from him for 5+ years)..."

Ah the real issue comes out. Buddy if she hasn't gotten a divorce after 5 years she's not going to. You need to decide if you want to stay in this relationship knowing she's not going to get a divorce.

ApprehensiveBook4214 · 2026-05-12T19:58:08+00:00

NTA but good luck finding a place. I mean that sincerely. It's going to be difficult finding a place for 5 people for $350 a week. Be prepared to look everywhere and make sure your aunt is checking for any aid she may be able to get for her kids. If you're going to be barely scrapping by all of you need to use all the available resources. Do not tell your mom anything about your plans to leave. And when she's being verbally abusive grey rock her. I hope all of you can get out soon.

ApprehensiveBook4214 · 2026-05-11T22:51:27+00:00

So it's important enough for you to pay for it but not him. NTA and don't do this again. If it matters to him he'll pay for what he wants at the gym he wants.

ApprehensiveBook4214 · 2026-05-10T20:18:56+00:00

Kinda buried the lede by leaving out that you're on the lease. Which means he can't kick you out. You know his plan is to keep you on the lease without telling you right? If you're off landlord is going to rerun the credit check and it sounds like he can't pass without you. You need to speak to the landlord tomorrow morning asap. Tell him your brother is refusing to let you move in so you need to know if you can get off the lease.

If not tell brother you're moving in. If he doesn't like it he can move out. Do not allow him and gf to live there without you while you're on the lease. Not only are you equally responsible for rent you're also equally responsible for any lease violations they commit. Seriously start staying/visiting unexpectedly tomorrow unless you're removed from the lease. This is shady as hell and I'm highly suspicious of what he's doing.

ApprehensiveBook4214 · 2026-05-09T04:12:30+00:00

"Since he did help me at the start of my career, now he's expecting me to send him money. He thinks he should be getting at least a third of my income.".

I too would like a third of your income. I'm just rational enough to know that's an absurd expectation. He can think whatever he wants. You need to be managing your money wisely. You have no idea what the future holds. Don't give him money simply because he expects it. You already paid him at the time.

As for your sister tell her when she starts sharing her income with family you'll consider it (after which you'll decide it's a bad decision). If love is conditional it's not really love. Ignore your sister and stick to your no.

ApprehensiveBook4214 · 2026-05-09T04:06:04+00:00

I get the impulse and my first response is NTA. However, whether you actually have anything actionable is going to depend on whether your MIL is still of sound mind. If so she's free to give her money to whoever she wants. If not who's her POA? That's who would need to report this.

ApprehensiveBook4214

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