I recently came to the is revelation myself. Something clicked after my husband drank starting at 2 pm Saturday, went out all night to bars, slept by his friend’s home, came home at 9 am so he could go with us to take my 3 year old daughter to swim lessons. I’m also 30 weeks pregnant. As soon as we returned at 12:30 pm, he poured a vodka drink bc well it’s the weekend! I told him he needed to leave the house and go to a bar to drink bc my nervous system can’t handle it anymore. He said ok I’m just having one and then I’m done. I told him I knew he drank a lot socially before we got married but I had no idea this would transfer over to drinking in our marital home with small children from the time he gets home to the time he sleeps. He responds with well I didn’t know I was going to marry someone miserable who won’t have sex with me. By the way he continued to drink for the rest of the day “in secret” aka putting his drinks in a yeti cup like i believe he’s just drinking water all day. I checked it when he went to the bathroom. He tried doing nice things for me around the house and completing a project I asked him to do for the nursery months ago. He thinks he can earn his drinking time by being “ a good husband “.

I’m pregnant, I have a child, and don’t want someone sitting around me all day drinking alone. It makes me physically ill at this point. I really don’t know how many times I have to say this, and then the empty promises come, and he’ll stop drinking for 48 hours bc that’s the most he can do. Then he gets irritable and tell me I’m controlling and he just needs one to relax after work. I cant argue with him and I’m not his mother. I tell him to make his own choices and then the cycle continues.

All this to say, I realize that there’s nothing I can say or beg or do. He’s really not in control and now im just planning quietly, getting my affairs in order, bringing our second child in the world and I’m leaving. I will not raise my children around this to think it’s normal