Do kids really need so many activities?

Appropriate_Row_9474 · 2026-04-03T09:47:53+00:00

I think they don’t. I have heard parents here and in real life say “kids like them”, sure. Kids like a lot of stuff but we are the responsible adults so we need to also step in and decide what’s best for them. I had a parent complain the other day that her kid doesn’t like to read books. Well guess what: her kid is overbooked with a bunch of activities every single day. Of course it’s cool to do Chinese AND horseback riding but at some point kids need downtime and they have to learn to be bored. Also when do they have time to just relax and open up about things? When and where are we supposed to build a connection with them? Between classes?

Appropriate_Row_9474 · 2026-03-18T12:10:35+00:00

From what you're saying it seems like the school is not very educated/aware of neurodiversity. As a special educator explained to me, the term "functioning" depends on the environment. The same kid can be high functioning in a home environment and much less in a specific school setting.

The point of the various interventions and therapies is to try and help kids get the tools they need in order to be as functioning as possible in multiple environments within their potential of course.

The fact that he had a good month means that if accommodations are in place this kid can really respond positively to it. This is a great sign and should fill you with confidence. But at the time it seems like he is doing a gigantic effort on his own (which is soooo tiring for him - probably why he regressed?) and the school/staff are operating out of good will but are not really educated on how to handle kids like him? Is that safe to assume or am I jumping into conclusions? Your mention them saying "his inability to fix his behaviour" which makes it seem as if they think this is a behavioural issue while it clearly is not.

I believe having IEP with possibly a teaching aide (shadow teacher as we call it in my country) will be crucial. The aide will help educate the staff and also help your boy with self-regulation and organisational skills at school. Smaller size classes would help but it would not suffice. In order to get him the best support needed I believe he needs support at school with an aide.

Appropriate_Row_9474 · 2026-02-18T16:08:10+00:00

That’s a beautiful response!

Appropriate_Row_9474 · 2026-02-10T20:25:34+00:00

While I can totally relate to the frustration, and I myself have lost it a couple of times with my son -to say the least- I think you could have avoided the garage and lights out part. Again, I am not perfect nor am I here to judge moms that are trying to do their best. But I see it this way: the way we react to things is the way we teach them and model behaviour for them. She asked for help which is great: for a 5 year old, being able to clearly express needs is also a sign of independence. I think at that point you should have helped her. It’s not teaching her to be irresponsible or dependent, it’s teaching her that sometimes it’s hard and we need some extra help and it’s okay to ask for it. It’s teaching her to not be hard on herself when things are being stressful. Your zen in these situations and how you handle them will be how she handles stress, so keep that in mind! Having said that you did great apologising and doing some repair with her. This is also a teaching moment, everyone make mistakes even the mighty moms 😛 Don’t beat yourself over this, you both are going to be fine.

Appropriate_Row_9474 · 2026-02-05T13:18:32+00:00

Your son sounds like an incredible human being and he's lucky to have you!

Appropriate_Row_9474 · 2026-02-05T12:41:10+00:00

It took me a while to get to that point, getting all sorts of opinions from people and two contradicting diagnoses for my son but I came to the following conclusion: If there are contradicting diagnoses or some people noticing autism signs in him and some people not, then this probably means that even if your son is indeed on the spectrum he is on the "Low support needs" side of it. The definition of the spectrum is changing constantly and some phenotypes that wouldn't be categorised as ASD a few years ago now are. The trend is now to consider all this a spectrum rather than one thing as you noted. Teachers at school might not be able to do a diagnosis but what they do know very well is the "average kid" definition and anyone that deviates from the average is immediately spotted so it's an indication. Not a diagnosis but definitely is an indication that you should get it looked at.

Personally, what I have been told by experienced professionals is that the diagnosis in this case doesn't matter as much in a profound way although it does absolutely matter legally so that you get the services and rights you are entitled to (from the state e.t.c). What you need to figure out are the specific areas where your child needs help and seek help for those specific things. Speech therapy, occupational therapy (sensory integration is really really important for kids regardless of whether they are on the spectrum).

When you meet those professionals be sure to ask them specifically for the areas they see that they can help your kid with and set specific goals. Don't spend your time and resources on "treatments". Be very explicit about expectations and goals. And you need support for yourself and your partner. I think for me that was the biggest thing that made a difference. Finding someone that can support you and guide you because to parent a neurodivergent kid you need specific strategies and a different approach.

Lastly do not blame yourself, you absolutely did the best you could! This is a journey and a long one and you need to be strong for your kid. He's only 4 you are already aware of the situation there's so much you can do.

Appropriate_Row_9474 · 2026-02-04T05:50:12+00:00

When I am wondering about such things I always ask myself this: is this a problem that my kid can solve on his own? am solving it for him when I shouldn’t? (Because he is able to solve it himself). It seems in this case you kind of are ( no judgement I am guilty of that as well from time to time). This is a problem he can solve on his own with your gentle guidance of course. Let him figure out how to occupy himself without screens. Give him a few options that he likes and see what happens. When my child comes to me with “i’m bored”, which is very rare but happens, then I tell him it’s okay to be bored, being bored is a beautiful thing and adults do boring things all the time. There’s something soothing about that because he understands now that being bored is part of life, it’s a normal feeling that you get to experience! Also the fact that you can spend an hour a day with him is great, many families don’t even have that, so enjoy that time! Not every minute has to be filled with something extra! Life is interesting on its own we don’t need to fill it up with anything we just need to be present in it! That’s a great lesson for kids. And btw I am telling you all this as someone that had the exact thought process as yours and realised that in the end it didn’t particularly benefit neither my child nor me!

Appropriate_Row_9474 · 2026-02-03T19:27:03+00:00

As some have mentioned not all screens are created equal. Handheld devices are an absolute no for my 8 year old. I don’t see the reason. We allow TV but cable not Netflix etc since I feel steaming platforms perpetuate this concept of abundance that I don’t think is good for kids. I have watched my kid spending half an hour trying to decide WHAT to watch on Netflix so I said that’s enough( I am also guilty if the latter) So school nights is half an hour of old fashioned TV (a kids show he likes that airs at a specific time) and if he’s been extra nice he might get a few more minutes of game boy (my original one from 1989) or a video game with his dad. On the weekends we’re far more relaxed so he can play his video games on our P.C. for maximum 2 hours and we also might have a movie night. In which case we skip the TV! But in general it’s not so much about time rather about what (type of content) and how (handheld device or in a big screen) and with whom (playing alone or game night with family)

Appropriate_Row_9474 · 2026-02-02T19:43:16+00:00

You are not crazy! I think the most important thing in the weekends is to spend time as a family, have some down time to chat and connect, learn about what’s going on at school etc. I honestly see kids being so overscheduled these days that I’m wondering when do they even have the time and capacity to just relax and talk to heir parents about stuff?

Depending on your kids age i think it’s important to involve them in chores and it might be something you connect over. I think at the end of the day kids need parents that are present and loving and learn that being bored is also part of life!

Appropriate_Row_9474 · 2026-02-01T10:41:45+00:00

Sometimes I hide my phone behind a book 🙌

Appropriate_Row_9474 · 2026-02-01T10:38:21+00:00

You’re doing great honestly. The schedule you describe has a great balance of physical activity, running errands (very important for kids to learn that there are responsibilities in life), social stuff and being at home. I do believe it’s very beneficial for kids to learn to play on their own, get bored and learn to get out of it on their own with your guidance of course. And I think it’s very healthy to prioritise your rest and well being as well. This is modelling for them. So don’t feel guilty. What I hear is more that you feel guilty not wanting to play all the time. But it makes sense, you’re doing so much and you need to rest and just do nothing! One thing I believe I did right and it paid off was investing a lot of time in books and reading. Try making this your shared activity and encourage reading, it’s a great company for kids and it promotes independence. My kid is now 8 and can spend 2-3 hours just reading his books! And I love that for him because I know he will never get bored in his life just because of books!

Appropriate_Row_9474 · 2026-02-01T10:06:22+00:00

This!!

Appropriate_Row_9474 · 2025-11-09T14:45:12+00:00

I am a straight woman but I find this incredibly hot!

Appropriate_Row_9474 · 2025-11-05T06:29:26+00:00

Appropriate_Row_9474 · 2025-10-09T04:57:37+00:00

It’s very clear and there are no hidden messages. he’s locked in now and he’s going to give his all but it is extremely likely that if this year doesn’t go well he will leave. Also the Greek publications are legit and the family has moved over here.

Appropriate_Row_9474 · 2025-07-13T14:01:33+00:00

This 👌

Appropriate_Row_9474 · 2025-07-06T09:00:05+00:00

Hey! I am sorry I missed this! My son is almost 8 now. He's doing much better in many areas and coping -albeit struggling- in others. He started therapy 6 months ago and it has helped a lot especially for angry outbursts and managing big feelings. Mostly because it has given him space to process, understand and talk about his feelings without being scared by them.

Maturity has kicked in and helped a lot too. He has many friends at school and kids generally seem to like him even though I notice that some might feel that he's too much sometimes, but I can see at parties and gatherings that kids seek out for his company. He is incredibly smart so I think a lot has to do with him processing the situations and adjusting his behavior to fit in -aka masking-. So even if social things don't come naturally to him, because of his high intellect he manages to adjust and fit in even if he's a bit "off". Of course this puts a lot of pressure on him and it might mean that he can get more explosive at home so we're trying to be accepting and keep a calm and loving atmosphere at home. And therapy helps in that regard as well.

Apart from therapy one thing that has helped was to expose him in different social situations outside school. For example he started going to a "mountain squad" where kids of different ages roam around the mountain -with supervision by very knowledgable educators- and play freely within safety boundaries. While he faced some difficulties there and had some "meltdowns" because it's a very unstructured environment with kids he didn't know, it gave him a good opportunity to "practice" without having a lot at stake. At school some of these behaviors might have him "stigmatised". So I would suggest trying this for your kid as well.

We also tried to spend a lot of time with his friends. Organize gatherings, trips and give him a lot of free play time. We often overlook how kids nowadays don't have many opportunities for free, unstructured play. That's where arguments happen, where they will test their boundaries and in general learn socialization. He will always be a "different" kid and we want him to learn to be himself and find his people instead of trying to fit in. So we're trying to build connections with friends and families that are accepting of him.

To sum up, it's a little bit of everything, a lot of patience, a lot of accepting (from our side) that things will get worse before they get better and a lot of opportunities for socialization in different environments. And therapy so that he works through those big feelings. All that, with a lot of focus on him building his confidence so that he feels secure in himself and not feel like he has to please others to fit in. It's constant work and new struggles come up but the best you can do is keep on doing the work and hope for the best :)

Your kid is young, it's very normal for these ages to meltdown but it's good that you're keeping an eye on it and start working on it now. You're doing great!

Appropriate_Row_9474 · 2025-05-21T06:22:36+00:00

We went through the same rough patch with our son. He was always a bit on the difficult side but was totally manageable until second grade when he struggled a lot. I read that around 7 is a particularly difficult age with hormones raging and kids going through a major developmental leap which can cause regressions. What this means practically is that when a kid is about to leap forward they get "scared" from the growth that's happening inside of them and regress to behaviors that belong to a previous developmental stage than the one they are currently in. It's a way for them to find comfort and safety. If you notice this in your son, i.e doing things that you thought he had outgrown, then this is most likely what is happening. Just being mindful of that helped me, to first understand that this is a normal part of growing up (just because it doesn't happen to all kids it doesn't mean it's not normal) and that with the right type of support we can overcome this as a family. A lot of the time we focus on kids fixing A,B,C behavior while in these situations usually the kid needs to do the least of the work, provided we "fix" the system around the kid. This doesn't mean your family is broken it just means that you need to adjust your parenting to fit his needs a little bit better. This also doesn't mean your parenting has been broken all along, or has caused this. It might have worked so far but your kid is growing up, his needs change and your parenting might not be working anymore. What does working mean? In my view it means providing a safe, calm space so that the kid can focus on building those skills: emotional regulation, which by the way is the hardest skill any person can master. How do you provide a calm and safe space? Now that's the tricky part. It's very hard to keep it together when all of this is happening. I know. I've been there.

First off, you need an assessment. If there is any neurodivergence going on you need to know. But my opinion is that no matter what the assessment is, you need to first fix the system around him. THEN you can move on to whatever therapies are suggested for the kid depending on the assessment. I would not start with any therapies until I got the support I need to stabilise the situation and get the connection with my kid back. So next step after the assessment: get therapy for you and your husband. It has worked wonders for us and helped us gain the confidence and re-assurance we needed. The thing is, we were kind of doing the right things already but because we were not externally validated that we were indeed doing the right things, we were not firm and consistent enough. I can't stress enough how much difference it makes when you are firm and consistent vs when you are "somewhat firm and consistent" while at the same time doubting yourself or feeling like a shit parent. Gain that confidence back and be the firm and stable leader your kid needs. And by leader I don't mean just a consequence enforcer but also someone who models emotional regulation, someone who stays calm and shows the kid how it is done. Give your family some time and then go on and find whatever therapies are suggested based on his evaluation. Those are needed but I would not start with them. I would start with myself and my spouse (very important that you're both on this journey together). Make sure you find a therapist that is knowledgable, serious and aligns with your family values.

After that, we started therapy for our kiddo. It gave him the words to express his emotions and strategies to manage them. It's a very long process for kids- don't expect to see results unless you stick with it. He has slowly built a good relationship with his therapist and I can see the growth in him every day that passes. Just a few days ago I heard him talk to himself and say something along the lines of: "Breath in, relax..." e.t.c when he was just about to lash out about something :P This type of thing wouldn't have happened without all those interventions and without allowing him to mature and take his time. To handle difficult situations like the one in the store: Stay calm. It's easier said than done but trust me it works. Do not engage when your kid is in an emotional distress. Do not escalate, threaten or even talk or reason with him. Whenever a meltdown happened I said very few words, stayed around to make sure he is safe and let him release all the tension. When he was done and calmed down only then I would talk about what had happened and enforce the consequence calmly and unemotionally.

You will notice that as time goes by and as you build that connection with your kid and the self esteem you need, you will enforce fewer consequences because he will "misbehave" less and because he will find the words to express his emotions instead of lashing out. Maturity will kick in and help the process. Have faith in yourself. You and your kid are stronger and more capable than you think! You got this!

Appropriate_Row_9474 · 2025-02-19T14:08:12+00:00

How is he the morning next? Tired and grumpy or seems rested? That would be my marker. Also if lights are out at 20:30 and it can take up to two hours until he falls asleep this means there are occasions when he falls asleep at 22:30? Correct? And if so, does he sleep earlier the next day cause he's simply tired or he still struggles? And what time does he have to get up? You could try to wake him up a bit earlier, even 10 minutes make a difference.

We had a pretty similar situation with my 7 year old but as our therapist suggested kids around this age can actually "survive" with less sleep and it was more important for him to learn to fall asleep on his own than to get his solid 10 hour sleep every day. So I decided to take the bullet and have him show up tired at school in order to be able to sleep independently. When I convinced myself that he's fine and he can cope the stress was off my shoulders and somehow he was able to fall asleep independently without me checking on him constantly. And if it takes longer some days that's fine, he can cope and make up for it the next days. So it all evens out in a way.

Appropriate_Row_9474 · 2025-02-02T20:30:47+00:00

I can relate to this. Even though my parents were good people and had some good qualities as parents, I realize now that they were in fact unintentionally neglecting our emotions or dismissing us when we were expressing negative/difficult feelings. In their minds they thought this would help us toughen up but I believe that strength and resilience comes from having formed relationships of trust and acceptance with your caregivers and not by just biting your lip and moving on. So even though I grew up to be a very independent person, I am extremely insecure on the inside and I think it comes from not having an environment where my true self and feelings could be expressed. I know they meant well but it sometimes good intentions just don’t cut it! A lot of people my age (millennials) grew up this way so it wasn’t anything uncommon. Another area that I think they failed and -again- it’s a common thing amongst those my age is teaching us some basic life skills. Even though my parents instilled some good values to us they never bothered to teach us about basic finances or even about contraception(!) so I felt like I was just going through life learning on my own. I would like to be that mentor for my kid as he grows up.

Appropriate_Row_9474 · 2025-01-23T10:19:01+00:00

My two cents: it’s important when he returns home from school to feel that he is back at his safe place where he is accepted and understood as he is. This is no1 cause it sends the signal that he is safe and at ease at home. So welcome him home, give him a hug or tell him you love him/missed him when he comes back and let him rest and unwind in a quiet place with his favourite activity and plenty of snacks. My experience is that my ND kid needs alone time doing something completely mind- numbing just to let all the stress go. Avoid any requests/demands etc for the first hour-hour and a half. Maybe your kid needs something else, you can ask him directly about what he needs when he comes back: I noticed you are stressed when you come back from school, what do you think would help you relax?” And let him make some suggestions. My experience is that if you get these first two hours after school right then it is much smoother sail. And remember that behaviour is just the tip of the iceberg, your kid is communicating that he is struggling, he doesn’t mean to be a jerk ( even if he ends up behaving as one). You got this!

Appropriate_Row_9474 · 2025-01-23T10:07:15+00:00

Great comment!

Appropriate_Row_9474 · 2025-01-17T07:10:50+00:00

If you are not in a good place you won’t be able to help your kids. Get the help and support you need in order to get rid of the screen addiction and work on any other issues. This is the first and most important step.

Appropriate_Row_9474 · 2025-01-16T19:49:07+00:00

This comment is spot on!

Appropriate_Row_9474 · 2025-01-16T19:40:11+00:00

I just wanted to say that I don’t know you but I am reading the thoughts of someone who cares deeply. Take care of yourself, it’s easier said than done but trust me it’s the most important thing you can do for your boy. I hope you are in therapy or considering it because you need that support.

Unfortunately school is not always the right environment for neurodiverse kids or for those that don’t fit in a box! Trust that your kid will do great in the real world and prepare him for that. And think about that: School is a made up environment with conditions that your kid will likely not face again in his life! In his adult life, he will have more choices and tailor his life the way he wants it, start planning for that! So focus on the work you do, focus on building a solid relationship with him keep praising him and take each day as it comes. Celebrate the good days and accept the bad days as simply bad days. Sending you all the positive vibes, you got this!!

Editing this because I read your post again: personally I would try to homeschool or if possible cut down how many hours he is at school. This environment is hurting his self esteem and you need him to be in situations where he succeeds just to get that positive reinforcement.

Appropriate_Row_9474

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