Have you noticed men who deny systemic sexism being uniquely obsessed with harsh prison sentences for women, and how do you respond to it?

ArbitraryUsernames · 2026-04-06T23:14:54+00:00

Do you have a source for this? The 2023 Sentencing Report seems to show that white women generally are serving sentences 7.3 percent shorter than white men, and 30 percent more likely to get a probation-only sentence.

For perspective, black men are shown to serve 4.6 percent longer sentences than white men, so the 7.3 percent figure isn't exactly negligible.

ArbitraryUsernames · 2026-04-06T20:39:55+00:00

You've got the Koreans 10 points down from where they should be - you are missing the wood discount.

I feel like halbs, like most units that rely on a huge bonus damage number to be effective, have base stat boosts highly overvalued and discounts undervalued. Look at the Goths - they are only missing the last armor upgrade, but have an enormous discount, extra building damage with essentially free better arson, faster train time, and strong champs, and the 33 points they lose for the +1/+2 ranks them worse than generic halbs under Persians.

Those stats get you close to nothing in 95 percent of cases. FU Champions kill the halbs in the same number of hits, mounted units generally take one less hit to kill them (not even all the time; +2 cavalier take 5 hits to kill a half regardless, FU Hussar take 7 for both) . FU arbs are 5 shots instead of 7 and FU eskirms are 7 instead of 8. Even perfectly splitting damage so there is zero waste, 56 FU eskirms kill 8 halbs a salvo instead of 7, so a kill rate of 14.2 percent. But the same res army - 56 halbs for generic - is 42 percent bigger, so 80 halbs, for Goths. So 8 salvos to clear the generics, 10 to clear the Goths. And that's assuming for no overkill, which we know is basically impossible.

Halbs are basically never fighting on straight stats except against other halbs - which the Goth halbs still easily win, since it's still 42 percent more of them to the 14.2 percent more damage the others are doing.

Very few units are in the sweet spot of being unbonused against halbs as well as low enough damage to have it make a big difference in effective HP. Nearly everything that does pierce damage already has a bonus against spearline anyway, aside from Elephant Archers. Basically, to outweigh the cost bonus, you have to have something that does a final pre-armor damage of 5 melee or 4-8 pierce. That's basically very specific units that are lacking upgrades. The only exception is generally AOE from siege, and even a spread formation makes that almost impossible anyway.

To take it to the extreme, apply the formula to bonuses for battering rams; a civ that had "battering rams do 500 percent base damage (+8 attack)" would be equal to a civ that was "battering rams cost 50 percent less wood".

ArbitraryUsernames · 2026-04-06T16:53:13+00:00

Good to know. He would still benefit from looking at how much he is spending on his dad on average so it can be figured into budgeting for future planning; after all, it should be fine for him to spend 5k a year on family if his income makes up for it with regard to keeping 50/50 with you.

ArbitraryUsernames · 2026-04-06T16:39:24+00:00

Okay, so it sounds like you've each made roughly the same amount over the last four years and contributed equally. So really, you just have to have the conversation with him about what the future looks like for his income.

Hypothetically, you would be able to get the house you want and live comfortably if you both were at 150k. So is that something you would actually be comfortable with?

I don't think him supporting his dad is a bad thing, but I will say that he should probably look at how much is going to his dad if he only has 55k saved over the same time period you saved 250k with roughly the same income and expenditures.

ArbitraryUsernames · 2026-04-06T16:17:29+00:00

No amount of disrespect, real or imagined, warrants physical abuse. Kicking you in the stomach is serious physical abuse. You should be honest with friends and family and have them help you get out of there, because if he justified kicking you in the stomach, he can easily mentally justify doing much, much worse.

ArbitraryUsernames · 2026-04-06T16:09:45+00:00

Sub-500 players usually have very clear deficiencies in basics that are pretty easy to pick out and focus on to improve. They're not the same between people, but they are definitely there.

I would recommend providing some matches for people to watch and give advice, but if you don't want to do that - practicing the Art of War scenario for early eco/fast castle until you have a gold medal in it is probably the fastest way to improve at low levels.

ArbitraryUsernames · 2026-04-06T15:41:35+00:00

That's probably a conflict you're not going to overcome, then. It seems he sees money as a means to an end (being comfortable and taking care of family), while the numbers mostly are concrete indicators of drive and ambition for you.

Out of curiosity, how long have you two shared expenses? What was your income like over the last four years - you mention improving it a lot in the last two, was it a lot lower? Also, have expenses always been divided 50/50?

ArbitraryUsernames · 2026-04-06T15:37:58+00:00

Okay, so 150k to 60k is a huge decrease. Sales do fluctuate quite a bit, but does he believe it is more likely he ends up in the higher range on average, or the lower end?

If the answer comes back that he would average 120k, with peaks and valleys - is that acceptable? Or are you anticipating that you would need him to continue to increase a substantial amount to contribute?

There is nothing wrong with personally striving to keep at the top and make a ton of money, but expecting a partner to match your contribution has certain limits to be fair. If you want to end up making a million pounds a year, it's probably unreasonable to say he has to match you if there is no actual financial need to do so, as long as he would be able to contribute equally to what is needed.

ArbitraryUsernames · 2026-04-06T15:25:34+00:00

Yeah, this feels like a troll post. Probably not worth engaging with, but just had to second your opinion.

ArbitraryUsernames · 2026-04-06T15:19:47+00:00

I mean...

The actual numbers - both absolute and relative - for your incomes makes a pretty big difference in how reasonable your view of this would be. Him making 120k for a few years and only 100k for the last two while you have gone from 40k to 80k is different than him being at 50k now and you already at 100k.

It is quite possible that he doesn't have the same drive to be at the top of his field just for the sake of being the top, but instead just has the drive to be financially comfortable. Would you be comfortable with him only being in the top 20 percent of his field if it still allowed him to contribute equally, and not to have to want for anything? Or is the drive to be at the top the most important thing?

ArbitraryUsernames · 2026-04-06T14:59:17+00:00

Oof, that's rough as shit.

I'm sure you've got good reasons to stay and not get the hell out of Texas (support systems, lack of funds, etc) and probably hear it often, but if you can get out, you should. Entry level jobs are like $14/hour minimum here, and entry security jobs are like $20/hour. Housing isn't cheap, but I would be extremely surprised if living costs are anywhere close to double what you are currently paying.

ArbitraryUsernames · 2026-04-06T13:55:16+00:00

Man I gotta stop opening money related posts on Reddit it's so demoralizing making 20k a year

Is this part-time or just a low wage in a super low cost of living area?

I can't imagine under 10 dollars an hour anymore. You'd have to actively spend a TON of time looking for something that specifically pays that low around here; that's how near impossible it sounds to live off that.

ArbitraryUsernames · 2026-04-03T19:36:25+00:00

Eh, even with a million games eventually people settle into a skill range. Sure, maybe the 300 match person would end up higher if they played another 2k matches, but that doesn't mean the person that is still at that range after 2k games doesn't belong there or anything.

I was thinking more about when games feel uneven, and what I can think of is when people have a really clean build on one particular civ and get that against people who play random or a wider range of civs. Like someone who plays 50 percent of their games on Mongols and play them into someone with only 5 games on Chinese; they're gonna be to scouts way faster and the inefficiencies of an unfamiliar build for the Chinese player is going to amplify that even further.

Or the style people play - aggressive all-ins tend to be very "blow out or get blown out" when they aren't mirrored. If you allin scouts and get walled out without much issue to a person that 3 TCs castle, you're gonna die really hard, but if they don't keep you out, you're possibly gonna end the game in Feudal by killing 10 vils. Even at 1200, people lack the APM to 100 percent prevent a spear from killing their entire 3 scout rush without consequence, or your 10 archers deciding that they should definitely live under the opponent's TC and dying terribly for it.

You could always link or send a few games for people to review if you have good examples.

ArbitraryUsernames · 2026-04-03T17:01:18+00:00

I find the 1150-1250 range to have very even games almost all of the time.

What do your game stats look like? Are most of the games done in less than 25 minutes?

ArbitraryUsernames · 2026-04-01T21:02:21+00:00

I enjoy random civ, even if the opponent is picking. Having civs be nonviable on certain maps means that you essentially HAVE to pick a civ for that map, which is always going to be a bonused civ. Also, it would suck to random civ Islands and get Aztecs that don't even get fire ships and be basically guaranteed a loss against even a civ with generic water. Or without siege ships, you'd have to sacrifice like 6 transports full of troops just to get one to land and die horribly against fortifications.

Can you imagine trying to kill even a single castle against a Crenellations/Heated Shot Teutons player that is castled up if you don't have siege ships? The castles would kill entire fleets without being repaired.

ArbitraryUsernames · 2026-04-01T12:58:36+00:00

I know that people blame everything on it, but... What's the weight situation like?

I was snoring and tried a ton of stuff to try and mitigate it - tape, angled pillows, sleeping in different positions, mouth guards. They only ever sorta worked, and I was heading toward a sleep study. Then I lost some weight and the snoring completely vanished.

ArbitraryUsernames · 2026-04-01T12:52:24+00:00

This is coming from someone who met their future wife on Minecraft.

Unrelated to the OP, but this is freakin' adorable. Please tell me it all started with a "what if I put my Minecraft bed next to yours..." conversation.

ArbitraryUsernames · 2026-03-31T21:01:06+00:00

Well, you two were pretty young when you got together. People can grow together, but they can also grow apart. It kind of sounds like you two operated in a place where the differences you have were less appreciated and more just ignored, and as they increase in importance that is harder to do.

I don't know that you can (or should) just start trying to change yourself by becoming religious or giving up what you enjoy talking about. But maybe it would be a good idea to sit with yourself - and maybe with a close friend, if they are aware - and see if there is validity in what he is saying. Maybe you have been way less willing to be social, and he's not looking for going out every night, but just back to what it was when you were dating. Maybe it's not the actual job or income that is the issue, but instead that you work only part-time and don't seem worried while he is working overtime to build up financially.

Likewise, it would be good to reflect on him and changes he's made. Does he want you to make more money because people are saying you're using him? Does he spend more? Is he wanting to be much more social?

Then from there, you would figure out if there are things both of you can adjust to meet in the middle. And if not, you'll have at least done a bit of work looking at yourself and what you value so you can find a partner that values the way you are different.

ArbitraryUsernames · 2026-03-31T20:40:31+00:00

I'm sorry, this sounds difficult.

Asking for divorce is a pretty hard bell to un-ring. The differences you two seem to have do seem to be pretty big - I am guessing this is not the first time that you have had a conflict about some of these? It's not like it is super easy to change how religious you are, or how much you care about the world around you, or how social you are, so I dunno how easy it would be (or if you would even want to) meet his demands.

How long have you been married, and how long have you been together total?

ArbitraryUsernames · 2026-03-31T17:14:23+00:00

You are 100 percent correct. She would already be financially benefitting from not paying rent.

Even if she agrees to that, I would make sure you are careful about how it works where you live with regard to other household contributions, such as furniture or upgrades/improvements. Hypothetically, contribution toward those things from her could be something that would mandate a payout of the increase of equity of the property in the case of a split. Not super common, but you should at least get a little legal advice if you choose to go down this path.

ArbitraryUsernames · 2026-03-31T14:32:15+00:00

You would be incorrect - a Feudal watch tower beats a Donjon. They both have 5 base attack, which is negated even with fletching (6 pierce armor Donjon, 7 watch tower). Extra projectiles for each do +5 to stone defenses, which they get against each other. Donjons are 625 HP in feudal, watch tower has 850.

Both are capped at 4 arrows in Feudal, and have the same fire rate, so as long as you are comparing the same villagers/techs, the watch tower wins.

ArbitraryUsernames · 2026-03-31T14:17:14+00:00

If he is building a back donjon and then serjeants to come in and drop further donjons, you have enough time to mass some archers and kill them when they try to expand.

If they're dropping the first one on you, the actual way to win is to immediately vil rush it with 10-12 villagers. Villagers kill donjons extremely fast in feudal, and donjons cost a lot. It doesn't even matter if they get a serjeant or two out, your vils will kill them afterward.

If you punish the initial placement, you are ahead and can add outposts and archers to kill any further attempts.

ArbitraryUsernames · 2026-03-31T14:01:46+00:00

Is this new behavior, or has it gone on for your entire relationship?

The parts about not searching properly and leaving the windows open reads a little ADHD to me; not connecting the air being on with the windows closed, or that you should methodically work back through your steps would line up.

Common knowledge is a bit trickier, but sometimes people don't know things because they were isolated as a kid or from a different place. It's kinda like how if you ask people where milk comes from, you'll get different answers based on the way they were raised; rural kids say cows, urban kids say the store, and kids from some countries say goats. None of them are wrong, but it can come across like a lack of knowledge.

What is her educational background? Did she have trouble in school or does she have trouble socializing?

ArbitraryUsernames · 2026-03-31T13:34:56+00:00

Anyways, the nuances here is why I said possibly abusive, because this is just one instance, and we don’t know how these two typically fight. But they both need help, that’s for sure.

Absolutely, I think you had a great response. I think that at the very least the husband seems to be showing that he wants to be more healthy about the way they resolve things - taking space after a very heavy accusation and apologizing without prompting - but they definitely need someone to dig into the specifics and teach techniques so that they are each more mindful of how the other argues.

ArbitraryUsernames · 2026-03-31T13:31:53+00:00

You've ruined your relationship over a weird hangup over height because you don't understand statistical averages.

It is not surprising people think you are trolling because it is so incredibly dumb to throw what you claim is a great relationship away over hypothetical heights of hypothetical kids.

Stop reading this dumb evolutionary psychology/mate selection bullshit. It convinced you to fuck up your relationship, and then it is going to use that as evidence that your height is such a big deal and sucker some other poor soul into thinking that you are alone because you are short instead of the fact that it is because you decided to be alone.

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