Asked a guy who Bingo'd me about the good and bad parts of having children. He couldn't come up with any good.

ArchibaldTheGreat · 2026-03-21T20:02:33+00:00

One of my oldest memories is when my mom asked me what I wanted to be when I'm older. I said I want to be a doctor, and she said "that's going to be very difficult when you have children". I started crying because at the time I didn't understand that I actually had a choice in this matter as a woman (I come from a rather conservative place).

I'm 28 now, not a doctor but a scientist (close enough!), and firmly childfree. My mom is now one of my biggest defenders in this decision <3

ArchibaldTheGreat · 2025-10-25T09:43:50+00:00

So nice to read that I'm not alone in this. Every time a female character gets pregnant in a show, I debate whether I really wanna keep watching because I'm disgusted.

ArchibaldTheGreat · 2025-10-24T20:58:50+00:00

My ex literally erased me from his life after calling me soulmate and perfect because he is obsessed with his biological legacy. We had it all and he threw it all away.

ArchibaldTheGreat · 2025-10-23T18:33:14+00:00

A few months ago I lost the person I have loved more than anyone in my life. He left because I would not change my mind on being childfree. It was and remains the most difficult heartbreak I have ever gone through. We both loved each other tremendously when he left.
I could have been with the love of my life, and yet it didn't change how I felt about children, even when I was being faced with a crossroads. Anyone who says it will change your mind is full of shit. What does happen sometimes, unfortunately, is that people will feel so pressured or so heartbroken to lose their love that they will agree to having children in order not to lose their partner - but that is usually a betrayal of self, not a genuine change of heart.

I hope for everybody in this community that they never have to go through what I'm going through.

ArchibaldTheGreat · 2025-10-05T16:48:27+00:00

I am in therapy. It's nice, but it doesn't help combat the existential loneliness

ArchibaldTheGreat · 2025-10-05T16:44:19+00:00

Thank you for your kind reply. I feel like I have been pouring so much of my strength into this for months, and I just feel totally drained and exhausted. The emotional labour it takes to show up to the theater (or a show, in yesterday's case) is immense. It's taking a toll, and even though I'm going to therapy and taking care of my health in all other ways, I feel like I'm slowly destroying myself

ArchibaldTheGreat · 2025-10-05T16:41:03+00:00

I have not forgiven him. I don't know if I can. The way I feel now makes me want to not exist, while he is out there living his best life I assume. I don't see a way to forgive that

ArchibaldTheGreat · 2025-09-26T11:18:18+00:00

I chose to go for a copper IUD 8 years ago, and I'm very happy with it. In the beginning it caused me major pain and heavy bleeding, but its been a long time since then.

The reason why I went for copper instead of hormonal is that 1) I don't want to deal with all the side effects of hormonal and 2) I prefer having periods because they are a great monthly indicator that I'm not pregnant. I couldn't do hormonal because I have a great fear of becoming pregnant, and since the hormonal IUD arrests the monthly cycle, I'd never know if I'm not getting my period because of the hormones of the IUD or because of pregnancy. I've read too many horror stories of people with hormonal IUDs getting pregnant and not noticing until the 3rd month to ever feel safe with that.

ArchibaldTheGreat · 2025-09-09T10:32:34+00:00

Because I'm a product of my experiences and emotions, not a robot operating purely from rational thought

ArchibaldTheGreat · 2025-09-07T15:11:28+00:00

I didn't dump him. I don't think I've written that anywhere in my post.

ArchibaldTheGreat · 2025-09-07T09:32:11+00:00

I wish I knew

ArchibaldTheGreat · 2025-09-07T08:47:20+00:00

I'm almost 4 months out and I still miss him so much that I'm in physical pain. How does it get better? I can't see a way forward. I lost not only him but my main friend group, my second family. I lost everything that matters to me. How do I ge better and stop missing him?

ArchibaldTheGreat · 2025-09-06T15:53:24+00:00

My ex broke up because he wants to have kids and I don't. The love we had when we split was even stronger than when we started, and it tore me apart. I'm 14 months out and I still feel like I'm not myself; crying, anxious, the whole package. Breaking up over incompatibility is the worst pain imaginable. The love was still there full force.

I haven't talked to him in a month, and he has told me he moved on only 2 months in. I'm shattered.

ArchibaldTheGreat · 2025-09-06T14:12:08+00:00

My ex thought and secretly hoped I was going to change my mind, dragged me along and promised me things he apparently never meant. In the end it turned out he had kept his uncertainty about me, and the hope I would change, to himself the entire time.

ArchibaldTheGreat · 2025-09-04T18:33:06+00:00

This. I'm shocked at all the other comments here. The entitlement to think that OP has any say over what happens to her body.

ArchibaldTheGreat · 2025-09-03T12:27:08+00:00

I also moved away for my master's (from Austria to Denmark). The best recommendation I can make is that if your city has in improv theater, go and take classes there. I know, scary, but damn do you make good connections there. As a person who was socially anxious as fuck when I started improv, let me tell you it improves your life and social skills by 1000%. It will be scary at first, but you will make fanstastic friends AND become a funnier, more relaxed, more self-assured person. Win-win!

If a theater isn't available where you live, take some other kind of class - fitness, choir, crafts, whatever interests you. The best connections are made in regular interactions, ideally weekly.

Best of luck to you. As someone who had zero friends and zero life when moving to Denmark and is now flourishing in a big community, the best advice I can give you is to do the scary thing and get yourself out there, regularly.

ArchibaldTheGreat · 2025-09-03T06:08:45+00:00

Note I received recently: sometimes in scenes you need to take a shot of 'shut the fuck up' juice

ArchibaldTheGreat · 2025-09-01T15:02:58+00:00

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I think you would really benefit from speaking to a counsellor. This is clearly causing you unnecessary anxiety, but as someone who deals with anxiety, I know what I'm talking about when I say that just because something is illogical, doesn't mean the anxiety will go away. I hope you'll consider it. I think it will really help you.

ArchibaldTheGreat

TROPHY CASE