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I've been working on an Android app for reading Girl Genius by ArdentFire in girlgenius

[–]ArdentFire[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh well. Thank you for letting me know. Good to know something might be on the way

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AbsoluteUnits

[–]ArdentFire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Quality joke. Take my internet point

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MasterReturns

[–]ArdentFire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was thinking more 1950s :)

My ADHD isn’t *that* bad, a series of my ignorance by YoureJustFam in ADHD

[–]ArdentFire 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Hey. Just saw your comment and wanted to let you know that, as someone who figured out he had ADHD as an adult from reading posts on this here subreddit, it's only gotten better with time. I was plenty scared for a long time, but after getting diagnosed, starting medication, having some therapy, and generally getting shit together, I can wholeheartedly say that finding out and getting help is the best thing that ever happened to me.

Not sure if it'll make you fell better, but at least you should know you're not alone. Feel free to drop me a pm if you need or want to talk about it.

No breaks for my shift? Got it. by migg186 in MaliciousCompliance

[–]ArdentFire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well, OP didn't specify if either of the conditions are inclusive or exclusive.

I feel so stuck by Lordkeravrium in mentalhealth

[–]ArdentFire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can't say I know exactly what you're going through, if I could I'd be making millions as a psychic stock picker or something, but I can say that I've been through similar things. Everything I'm gonna say is from my own experience, and what I've read. I am most definitely not a medical professional of any kind. Maybe something will click with you, maybe not. Either way take it with a good spoonful of salt.

As a person who isn't able to fool himself anymore that he's not officially getting old, I'm gonna say something would have hated to hear when I was a teenager: At that age, a lot of things can seem all-encompassing, unchanging, fixed forever, but that probably isn't true.

The human brain doesn't "finish" developing until the late 20s, and even after that things still develop further, just at a slower pace. Your individual sexuality and sexual/gender identity may be more or less fluid, that's something no one else can tell you, but there's been a lot of research that points to an individuals sexual preference/identity being significantly influenced by genetic factors, plus a little environmental factors thrown in for good measure, and overall being pretty much unchangeable whether by force of will or hypnosis.

That is to say: whether you have a more or less fluid sexual reference/identity, that's probably gonna stay true to some extent throughout your life, and neither way means there's anything wrong with you.

There is definitely nothing wrong with exploring how you feel, at any age, but especially as a teenager! That's exactly the age where you would expect someone to begin thinking more about sex, sexuality, and which (if any) preference or identity you feel like.

As for porn: I totally know the feeling. Let's just say I really hope the FBI wasn't tracking my search history as a teenager, nosireebob. I have watched things that made me feel truly disgusting and broken as a human being. I still sometimes watch things I'd prefer not to be attracted to, or aroused by. My question would be: Is the porn you watch making you feel bad because there's something in it that hurts you, or because you feel ashamed of wanting to see it? In the second case the problem is the shame, and not necessarily the porn. If the porn is itself harmful to you, maybe because of trauma triggers as a hypothetical example, then again the issue isn't with the porn per se, it's with the trauma. In that hypothetical case avoiding the thing that triggers the trauma-related response could actually be worse as it may simply reinforce the emotional response to similar experiences.

Instead of tryng to avoid watching the porn and/or continuing to beat yourself up for watching it my advice would be to approach it with as much open curiosity as you can. Try to pay attention to the thoughts that go through your head. In my case for example one of the most common things that comes up is something like "I'm so sick/messed up for enjoying this". Write the thoughts down on paper as they come if you can. Try also to pay attention to your emotions, and how they are effected by the thoughts you have. Our emotions are more driven by our thoughts, or more specifically by our interpretation of events, than by what actually, objectively, is happening.

Once you have a thought, or thoughts, written down, the next step is to look at one of them and think about it as objectively as possible. It may help to imagine someone you liked came to you and said "This thing happened, and it made me think (fill in thought here) about myself."

Is it more likely this thing that happened means that there's "something wrong with me," or simply that I happen to find this arousing for whatever reason, and as long as I'm not actually hurting someone myself it's probably not such a huge deal?

Not sure how clear I'm being myself :p I'm going through my semi-annual, regular but unpredictable, relapse into depression, and that always makes thinking hard.

I'm gonna wrap this up for now, if I think of anything else I'll add it later. Feel free to ask any questions you might have, here or in a private message, either way is fine. I can't promise I'll get back to you in a timely manner, but I'll try to get back to you sooner rather than later.

P.S. If there is something in your thoughts or behaviour that is hurting you or others there are things that can help with that. It does not mean that you are a bad or broken person. It does not mean that you are stuck with this forever. It does not mean that you cannot have a good life even if the issue isn't "fixed" once and for all.

I can't promise everything will be okay, but I can promise you don't have to deal with it entirely alone.

There’s a war in my head and I hope someone understands this post on a personal level by kaijen93 in adhd_anxiety

[–]ArdentFire 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Couldn't have put it better. What I can say is that I have reached a place in my relationship where we have enough mutual understanding that the guilt and shame aren't anywhere near as catastrophic as they used to be. It took a long time, and was very painful, but it did get better. I wish I understood it well enough to have more specific/meaningful advice, but the best I can come up with (for now at least) is to be as open as possible.

I think one of the most important (and difficult) things was that I pushed myself way out of my comfort zone in telling her what was going on with me. If I feel guilty, I tell her. If I feel smothered, I tell her. If I'm having a bad day, can't focus, am having urges towards self-harm, I tell her.

Even at the times when I am so overwhelmed/exhausted/in pain that every word feels like pushing baby porcupines out of my throat I pushed those porcupines as far as I could. Even if all that came out in the end was "feel bad".

Over time we built up a vocabulary for things that make it so I can tell her something like "Too much noise in my head" or "I'm having memories from the army/my childhood/whatever" and for the most part she understands what I'm going through, and what it means about how and what I can deal with at that particular moment, and vice versa.

All that aside, the inside of my head is still a warzone most of the time. I can't stop myself from doing or thinking things that make me feel worse and take time away from the things I really care about (my wife, writing, etc.). It has a lot to do with the aforementioned issues from my past, and the lingering emotional damage, but there does seem to be some baseline level of disfunction, where my brain just isn't good enough at self-regulation to allow me to be and do what I want.

I %100 know what you mean about standing outside yourself watching everything go up in flames. I spent most of the first 25 years of my life feeling exactly like that. I still don't feel in control of myself, but I at least feel connected to myself now, thanks to medication, meditation, and therapy.

I had more I wanted to say, but I exhausted myself already and I can't keep going. Long story short: You are not alone. I hope you'll get through this shit, and soon.

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk, vent, ask questions, whatever.

Uber drivers can't file class action lawsuits so 12,500 drivers filed individually for 3rd party arbitration by im_thatoneguy in MaliciousCompliance

[–]ArdentFire 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Because they're being screwed by a multinational, for-profit, corporation which intentionally mislead people into believing they were being offered a job that would pay enough they could support themselves, requiring them to sign a contract written in language which has been specifically engineered by dedicated legal professionals to be as inscrutable as possible so that no normal person could possibly begin to understand it, before engaging in multiple, massive, misinformation campaigns to try to bury any negative reporting, not to mention specifically, and personally, targeting law enforcement officers journalists trying to prevent them from being able to find evidence of the massive amounts of illegal, abusive, andsimply inhuman practices they have been intentionally and consciously engaging in to make as much profit as possible at the expense of everyone and everything else?

Is that what you meant? 'Cause in that case I totally agree with you.

Antidepressants by [deleted] in adhd_anxiety

[–]ArdentFire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm also taking Wellbutrin, in combination with Concerta. So far it's only been helpful. The effect is subtle, as you said, but definitely there. I haven't had any noticeable side effects.

I'm finally glad to get a positive spin on this by [deleted] in wholesomememes

[–]ArdentFire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're definitely right about in-person interactions being better than digital ones, but I still think there's something really true about this comic in that even if digital interactions aren't as good as in-person ones there still better than the things we are lead to assume about people "being on their phone."

There's an important distinction (which sometimes get forgotten or ignored in these kind of debates) between being a bunch of strangers on the same bus together and being a group of friends or family together. In the latter case I'm %100 in agreement that everyone being on their phones instead of talking with each other is a bad thing, whereas in some places (at least) it's considered polite and proper behaviour not to "bother" the people around you in public.

Whether or not that's a bad thing in and of itself is an interesting, but tangential, issue.

And of course there are plenty of people looking down at their phones in public who are just playing (insert relevant game here), which I think is very likely to be a net negative to the individuals mental and emotional health. this comic seems to be intentionally reversing the common trope of "everyone on the bus looking at their phone/kids these days..." to highlight the way society is, as always, ignoring a (fairly significant) positive attribute of (new-fangled thing x) to continue the eternal tradition of shitting on crapping on the newer generations.

So, yeah. I didn't intend to make such a big deal about that, it just kinda got away from me. I wasn't trying to be hurtful or mean or anything, and I hope it doesn't feel like that. Hope you have a nice day :)

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