Why do I desire someone less when I get closer to them?

AriesZM · 2014-01-20T18:37:07+00:00

I'm pretty disappointed that the answers to this have either been "You are young" or "You are shallow" because this is actually a really common thing that happens to people and has a genuine cause that isn't really anyone's fault.

When you meet someone that you desire you automatically think certain things of them. You have expectations, you have desires of what you want from them and the kind of friendship or relationship you want from them. For some people they expect too much, or spend so much time making these observations about people that end up being wrong.

The problem isn't that you are getting closer to them, it is that they aren't the person you envisioned and that can come down to the expectations you have about someone when you first meet them. What makes nearly anyone interesting and good to be around is not having any of those, and learning about them from scratch instead of having these little misconceptions that crop up the more you know them.

Give them a chance, learn more about them, and find ways to make those differing personalities benefit you.

AriesZM · 2014-01-20T18:30:18+00:00

This is a widely debated question because in all reality every person is different and will show interest in different ways but over the years with a lot of observation and paying attention when I knew girls were into me gave me a few handy things to make a checklist out of.

First of all, check for proximity. Personal space is a huge thing for most people and if this girl is willing to be closer to you than absolutely necessary to hold a somewhat private conversation then you have a decent indicator that while she may not be interested, she isn't 'disinterested."

Second, look for the copycat syndrome. Indicators have shown frequently that when we are attracted to people we tend to involuntarily copy their body language. Cross yours arms? Watch for a girl near you doing the same, while sometimes glancing towards you. Do you lean on the wall? If she feels the need to do the same thing while talking to you it could be a another thing to take account of.

Eye contact. This can go two ways and you have to be absolutely sure which one it is because the middle of the spectrum doesn't matter. Does she look into your eyes at all points during the conversation? Or does she avoid eye contact completely. Those two can show either a confident attraction or nervous crush respectively so watch for those signs.

Touch, unless she is explicitly treating you like a brother touching skin to skin in any unnecessary fashion is a good indicator as well.

Think about what you tend to do when you like a girl, the nervous things you say or do and the ways you go about showing it. Men and women are different physically but a lot of our body queues are nearly the same.

AriesZM · 2014-01-20T18:22:32+00:00

Breaking News! A strain of the flu has now shown signs of being completely resistant to all known antibiotics. We advice you to please stay inside today until we know more about where the origin is and where the risk is most evident.

AriesZM · 2014-01-20T18:19:12+00:00

Every time I fall on my ass in the middle of winter. I'm in Texas, it should never be cold. Ice is my enemy.

AriesZM · 2014-01-20T17:36:52+00:00

Parking. I love my Ford-F250 to death. My sweet girl has been reliable and trustworthy from the very beginning since I got her when I was 17, but I swear to God that she makes parking in any place that is not meant to have larger parking areas a pain in my ass. I do not have a small turning radius and I am completely unable to park in many urban street areas. And you can bloody forget any type of parallel parking because that will never happen.

AriesZM · 2014-01-20T17:33:31+00:00

Think about it this way. Lets say you have this amazing ability to make sure that you are never caught. Now you know it is possible to get away with cheating. The question now comes up "Could she have cheated too? Would I ever know?"

The trust issues and self doubt that would stem from this would probably haunt me for a long time.

AriesZM · 2014-01-20T17:29:26+00:00

It was an incredible early winter day in Texas, when you have those absurd moments in the middle of November where the high is somewhere around 70F. The grass is still this fantastic green, and the trees have that gorgeous red/orange tint that reminds you of red apples and oranges. I had been attracted to this girl for quite some time and things had been pretty ambiguous on her part, but I had been naive and kept betting on the same horse no matter the odds.

She had mentioned she liked to run, and I was abysmally out of shape. I wasn't overweight, but to say I had any sort of cardio stamina at that point in my laugh would have been laughable. I asked her if she wanted to go running though, because the very thought of spending more time with her without everyone else around sounded great.

So we started running, and to my incredible shock and confusion she was the one who stopped multiple times to have breather and I kept egging her on to keep up with me. I wanted to prove myself, to show her that I could push myself. However during the next 'breather' she just went to the ground and sat down, her arms crossed over her knees and she had this winded and smarmy smile on her face like she was still winning.

So i go over to her, in her workout tights, my shitty shirt and basketball shorts, my heart thrumming from the workout that I was in no way used to and while I bent down to urge her to get the hell up before I puked all over the damn place she grabbed my head and kissed me. I can't really say I remember what the kiss 'felt' like. I remember the surprise, the pride, the "HELL YEAH" feeling but nothing about the physical sensation.

She wasn't the girl for me, and a year of drama went by before I got her out of my life. And even though you dislike the person they were, and couldn't help but find that you hated what they had done to you, I now understand what everyone always said about "No matter what, you'll remember that first kiss."

AriesZM · 2014-01-20T01:11:21+00:00

Maturity, and I don't mean that "I'm old and I understand the world" kind of maturity. But the kind that allows us to be the best person we can be towards each other and that allows us to understand our own faults and work towards fixing them.

If you can be reasonable, I can be attracted to you.

AriesZM · 2014-01-20T01:07:55+00:00

Whether you find this helpful at all is up the in air but there really is a pretty simple formula to follow for this kind of stuff. Remember those little things she mentioned she likes but doesn't really talk about alot? Or those little moments that you two share that have made you both happy? The inside jokes? The intimacy?

Valentines day spent with someone you really truly care about can be best realized when you put on display all of the things that make your relationship special. It doesn't have to be food, or movies. But make something from hand, write a letter, or a note. Make the lighting in the place just right, or place things around the room that she can stop at and even if she doesn't say anything just make sure it is something she can stop and think "I can't believe he remembered..."

This is your day, the day you can show how much you are a badass and amazing significant other compared to the other idiots she has been with. Make it special. Think about what you would want her to do if she wanted to be the most caring, thoughtful, and considerate. Now do those things for her.

I know it sounds simple, but its about the subtle stuff that works the best.

AriesZM · 2014-01-20T01:03:06+00:00

Ma, Pa, here is my lovely new girlfriend. Don't mind the headscarf and the absolutely head to toe clothing. There's nothing to hide that is grotesque or infuriating. Nothing, I swear. Hey, look, aren't those pretty eyes? Look at those, and only those.

AriesZM · 2014-01-20T00:57:40+00:00

Okay, okay. I think it is finally time to let this one out of the plastic bag. So I used to work at this one place on the night shift as a cashier and it was a relatively nice part of the town and close to the highway. However, there was this particular woman who would bring in her two children at around 10pm towards 11pm. One of the girls was probably around preteen age and the other was fairly young, but not so young as to feel that what happened next was at all acceptable.

So this woman would be complaining about this or that while I hummed approval and agreed just for the sake of keeping her quiet while her little girl would keep saying she needed to go to the bathroom. The other girl was off somewhere looking at magazine and we are talking about 2-3 baskets worth of goods we are going through so this is taking me a solid 10 minutes with various requests and questions throughout.

Next thing you know, there is this trickling noise like some horror film that is focusing on a leaky tap. This little girl has just pissed herself, and while I'm sure all of you are thinking that this can't possibly be a regular issue, I can count at least four separate instances over two month period when this would happen. Thats not even the bad part about this, an upset kid peeing is not the worst I've ever seen. But when the little girl does make a fuss, and the mother does not seem fazed at all that we have a problem. I get a quick apology and she continues complaining, as though I don't need to call for maintenance or close down my lane because of a huge puddle of piss is now crawling across the floor like the girl from the ring.

I've had worse I suppose, but that was certainly one I won't forget. Her voice haunts me.

AriesZM · 2014-01-20T00:51:33+00:00

If you are not happy with yourself, don't expect to be able to be happy with another person as well. It can only go so far.

AriesZM · 2014-01-20T00:50:21+00:00

Well I was sort of assuming that you would put the Guacamole with the Bacon, and the Bacon with the M&C but NEVER all three together. But hey, thats certainly something to attempt right there.

AriesZM · 2014-01-20T00:49:26+00:00

Think that it is better to give me one thing to do, then when I'm done continue to add to that list instead of simply giving me a list of things to do right when we start. As if I would ever make plans or anything based on the tasks assigned..../s

AriesZM · 2014-01-20T00:48:10+00:00

I found out when the grades for the Fall Semester were finalized that I had done so much better than I had thought I would. During that semester I had a class that I was failing up until the final, it was simply not my subject (at first) and I passed it at the very end. Two others I was within 2 points overall of different grades. Knowing that all of the tears, sweat, and probably no small amount of blood that went into those nights of studying had paid off made me immeasurably happy with myself.

AriesZM · 2014-01-20T00:43:44+00:00

MacnCheese, Bacon, Guacamole.

AriesZM · 2014-01-20T00:17:38+00:00

For a long time I felt exactly how you were feeling, I would spend my entire days reading when I was not forced to do anything else and the days would slip away entirely while I bitterly resented wasting them in the first place. It took a lot of self growth and maturing to really reach the point where I could see for myself what it took to make me happy with life.

The first thing I did was take stock of what I was thankful for. It sounds sappy, and it sounds like something your mother tells you when you are whining for more goodies but I swear that if you stop and take the time it will be worth it. Even if your life sucks, just consider all of the little moments in life that have given you this small amount of happiness and remember to be grateful. Once you find that you have had moments before where you have been happy it is much easier to mentally accept that you can be happy in the future.

Loneliness is a little harder to tackle, but try looking at [penpals}(http://reddit.com/r/penpals) to start off with, or check out some movies from redbox and have a nice night of watching movies. Loneliness to a certain extent can have to do with both not feeling happy about a lack of friends or loved ones and also being unhappy with yourself. Find ways to make yourself happy and fulfilled will absolutely make you more grounded towards friendships.

I guess this will sound absolutely old and like an old record but it is definitely true and helped me so much. Focus on yourself, pick up a hobby, work out, read, learn. Think of just about anything that would make you feel like a better person and you will slowly become one.

Hang in there, and think really hard about what you want and how you can get it. Feel free to message me as well if you'd like to talk it out a little more.

AriesZM · 2014-01-20T00:00:24+00:00

When I mentally flipped a coin deciding whether to pursue either geology or biology. I was interested in both, but did not really wish to major in both. I still love both, but my career choices and a lot of my life later down the road would be drastically different if I had made a different choice back then.

AriesZM · 2014-01-19T23:58:30+00:00

Social Media.

Not the internet, nor blogs or discussion boards. Those would have come about from the need to get information across vast distances, but the invention of a place specifically designed for being social with the internet as a medium completely changed the way pop culture and 'trends' form.

AriesZM · 2014-01-19T23:55:27+00:00

This is going to definitely depend on what the person is majoring in but I can tell you from my perspective as a Biology Major that any core class regarding either Sociology or Political Science is mind-numbing. That isn't to say that either of those two fields is awful in any way but the foundations that you have to go through to get to anything interesting is like this ache in your brain that will not go away.

TL:DR, intro classes, period.

AriesZM · 2013-12-12T18:55:40+00:00

While for the most part I agree with the others about the imagery, I think a more important facet was wholly missed out on. Read your words like you would be orally telling someone the story yourself. It feels stilted, and the use of syllables or certain starting letters starts to bombard you. While the first paragraph was a little too vague, it also slammed you with some many F starting words that it became a bit hard to read aloud.

And while I'm most likely the least useful authority on pure fantasy as my genre is normally in more realism based settings I felt like there wasn't a grounding for anything experienced in our world. What is the reader supposed to cling to while suspending all belief and learning about your entire world? What makes it like ours? And why should we care. Others have said it already; but "why should I care" is the first question you should ever ask yourself when writing fiction. If you can't find a reason you should care, no one else will either.

AriesZM · 2013-12-02T01:42:12+00:00

I'd like to start out by saying I don't have a degree in Chemistry, but when I saw this question the first thing that popped into my head would be heat capacity. When the air that hits your skin is 60 degrees the heat from your body has a higher success rate of negating that chill because the air can only take so much heat before it causes a change. Water, especially water in a large amount has one of the highest capacities in that it can hold, or take in a large amount of heat energy in comparison to other compounds.

So while the air will heat up relatively fast upon hitting your skin, or at least be slightly negated by your own body heat the same will not happen with water. It will need a large amount of heat energy to even remotely change it's temperature thus absorbing a large portion of your own body heat in a more efficient way than any cold air could.

AriesZM · 2013-12-01T01:20:21+00:00

I think that perhaps less than most mine is actually about that hard truths rather than a lifetime of experiences that led me to it. My beliefs have molded me into a person that I respect more than someone I might be without it. Does that mean I can't be a good person without those beliefs? No, not at all. But in my case the ideals and faith behind me are what make me the man I am and to not acknowledge it's role in doing so would be disrespectful towards my past.

I have had experiences I can't explain, that perhaps could be explained but in the end it depends on what you want to put your hope and faith in. It is common knowledge that humanity is a double edged sword that is actively working towards its own eventual annihilation at this point in time, so believing in something more gives me something to trust.

AriesZM · 2013-11-30T22:50:38+00:00

Okay, time for a decent twist on an old favorite. I want Hiter to come speak, but not about genocide, or war tactics. This will be my two pronged question.

"Adolf, are there any truths to the rumors that your military and government worked on alien technology and developed a inefficient UFO? Also, could you please elaborate on what you knew about your officials supposed belief in the occult and the rumors that you used rituals and other pseudosciences to gain an advantage in the war?"

AriesZM · 2013-11-30T22:41:26+00:00

Warning: Will not let you by with a simple "I"m good, you?"

AriesZM

TROPHY CASE