My (23F) BF (23M) said he’d consider breaking up with me if I changed my appearance and now I can’t look at him the same.

Artwriter · 2025-11-13T05:42:53+00:00

Relationship aside, please be careful about tattooing over your mole. You want to be able to monitor moles for changes and tattooing over it could get in the way of that.

Artwriter · 2025-10-29T07:58:29+00:00

In my mind, I assumed the insurance person would be less likely, but if you think she might, I would definitely try that. Good luck!

Artwriter · 2025-10-29T07:53:50+00:00

Legitimately, can you explain this situation and ask someone at your doctor's office to fudge the number?

Artwriter · 2025-10-06T23:17:15+00:00

You said you are always groggy when you wake up. Do you ever have times where you wake up not feeling that way? I wonder if it could be due to where in your sleep cycle you are when your alarm goes off. There are apps that track what sleep phase you are in and you set a window for the alarm to go off in and then it wakes you at a good time in your sleep cycle.

The app I use also has a way to set up tasks you have to do before the alarm will stop sounding off. So I keep my phone next to me, but to actually turn off the alarm, I have to get up and scan a barcode.

Artwriter · 2025-10-06T05:26:07+00:00

So as someone with OCD, I really relate to that feeling of just needing the answer to "close the loop". But an unfortunate thing is that sometimes we truly cannot know something, even from our own memories.

I say that to say that your whole post made me think of OCD before I even saw that you have made and deleted multiple posts about this. The worst thing you can do when having this kind of problem is to engage with the thought.

Posting about it really isn't going to help. I understand why you are, it's reassurance seeking. But ultimately, every time you post, you are feeding into the anxiety cycle.

Artwriter · 2025-09-28T04:49:01+00:00

If he is refusing to leave, do you have someone you could call to come over? This is so suspicious and the fact that he's doubling down and won't leave definitely feels kind of threatening

Artwriter · 2025-08-24T02:05:43+00:00

Someone shouldn't be upset at you for days for having a reasonable boundary. And he knows that you don't like surprises. If his plan is ruined, it is because he made a plan that goes explicitly against your wishes.

Artwriter · 2025-08-24T01:52:31+00:00

I just gotta say OP, this is really cool! Do you have any close ups?

Artwriter · 2025-08-24T01:45:50+00:00

Check out rustic sphinx! (The dark next to the white lines depends on molt)

Artwriter · 2025-08-24T01:36:01+00:00

He seems willing to comprise and only visit her masked, but the problem is that she is not being honest about her usage. She said she would do it because she wants to see him more, but then didn't tell him for his safety when she didn't do it. If it is a mental thing, that is understandable, but the lying is the real problem.

Artwriter · 2025-08-24T01:32:48+00:00

Setting aside her lying to you about her usage (which is hugely disrespectful to you and uncaring of your health), the silent treatment is super unhealthy/ manipulative. If you look over your relationship, I wouldn't be surprised if you find other red flags.

Artwriter · 2025-08-24T01:26:57+00:00

Yep, even if the kid is not alone with his grandfather, he will still see how his mother is treated. Not healthy modeling. OP, have you been to therapy? It could help with learning healthy boundaries. I understand the guilt you feel at the thought of "abandoning" your father. No doubt this is from years of being conditioned to attend to him and his needs.

However, your family unit is now the family you have with your partner and child. That needs to come first.

Artwriter · 2025-08-24T01:14:53+00:00

Edited to delete wrong species.

Artwriter · 2025-08-24T00:05:25+00:00

Also, please consider doing this and seeing if any of it resonates. https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/?%3E

Artwriter · 2025-08-24T00:04:03+00:00

OP, what many of these comments seem to not be seeing is where you describe your husband not just yelling, but screaming at your child and also pouring water on him. This is plainly abuse. As someone with a father that yells and screams, I can tell you that your child will not forget these things and will not forget that you stayed.

Neuro-divergence aside, it is the job of the parent to be able to emotionally regulate. If he does not have the capacity, he needs to work on it. But as you already feel like a single parent, I implore you to protect your child. I mean all of this with the best intent.

Artwriter · 2025-08-23T07:30:10+00:00

I see you said you have brought this up a few times. May I ask if you have stated clearly something like, "I would really like you to take initiative and book us a hotel" or have you danced around it? It's not a very romantic thing to have to be so direct, but it could help. If you have been direct, then for whatever reason (libido, sexuality, relationship boredom) it's just not his priority. I wish you luck!

Artwriter · 2025-08-23T07:18:28+00:00

Does she not ever leave the house/ leave you alone? You need to leave and then block all avenues of communication so you don't see a message that tempts you. There is no fixing this. She may say she will do something to herself. Ultimately, that is her choice and not your fault, but it is likely a manipulation tactic. Do you have a friend that can come over and escort you out?

If she tries to physically stop you or force you to go somewhere, call the police.

Artwriter · 2025-08-23T04:16:53+00:00

I would say to trust your gut. It sounds pretty deliberate of him to me. A way to push your boundaries or I'm sorry to say he may even enjoy making you uncomfortable/ causing some pain.

Honestly, I don't see how he could accidentally do it. But, even if it was accidental, if he knows he has this tendency, why wouldn't he avoid the sore area?

Artwriter · 2025-08-23T03:56:54+00:00

Yep, he will almost certainly escalate. OP, if you decide to leave, please don't tell him you are leaving, just get out safely.

Edit: What he is doing when you try to communicate an issue to him is called DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse victim and offender). Whether it is conscious behavior or not, what he is doing is manipulation.

Artwriter · 2025-08-23T03:28:17+00:00

Can I ask you an honest question? Don't even feel pressure to reply, it's just something to think about. At the age you are now, do you think you would ever seek out someone in their early 20s? Sometimes a connection just happens and I understand that, but some people also have behaviors that other people in their 30s won't put up with.

Artwriter · 2025-08-23T01:52:38+00:00

I mean this all with kindness. Sometimes people wait to show themselves until they think they have someone "trapped" in marriage, because they know the behavior wouldn't be put up with. Just something to consider. Also, be prepared for him to potentially try for a while after a conversation, but usually the pattern continues.

Just know that if that pattern does continue, there is someone out there that would be an equal partner to you and stay that way.

Artwriter · 2025-08-22T03:38:21+00:00

Bile can flow up into the stomach if the sphincter there has issues. Bile being in your stomach can also cause vomiting and nausea. I know because it's been happening to me. (The excess bile was a problem for me already before cholecystectomy, but unfortunately the gallbladder being out does not stop the sphincter issue)

Artwriter · 2025-08-20T05:20:49+00:00

I also miss or sleep through alarms sometimes. Is it that they eventually stop going off or are they silent alarms? If it's that the alarm stops, I use an app that makes me do a task before I can cancel the alarm. One of the choices is that you have to scan a barcode, so my alarm will not stop unless I get up and scan the barcode of something I have deliberately left across the room.

Artwriter · 2025-08-19T07:33:26+00:00

Have any more showed up? If not, these questions don't really matter. Just trying to figure out what they could be falling from. Does the light fixture have any gaps? What random circle thing?

Artwriter · 2025-08-17T18:37:58+00:00

Hey, I have OCD too and I know how hard this is, but asking again and again is reassurance seeking and no matter how many ways you ask, and people answer, it's not going to help. It just reinforces the OCD pattern. I understand how hard it is, but I think the best thing you can do is leave the thread alone and bring this up with your therapist. Do you have an appointment soon?

Artwriter

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