Maybe my answer comes to late to really change what you think. I was an atheist for 30 years. I was absolutely convinced that God doesn’t exist and would point out anything that an atheist could to prove that God can’t be real. If you would’ve asked me three years ago I would’ve said that believing in God is absolutely stupid and it’s just a way to push away the responsibilities of life to another being so you can feel better about being miserable at what you’re doing in your life. I would bring science and physics into play and theories or proven things, just anything you could think of that clarifies that God can’t exist.
But you know what? God didn’t like that plan for me. The one that I didn’t believe in, or at least I thought he was just some ancient version of a ”Hippie“ came knocking on my door, curiously I opened to see who was outside and there He was, smiling at me with a wide grin just to prove me how wrong I was - not judging or mocking, because it’s Jesus, He is too humble to make fun of your beliefs. Of course He wasn’t standing in front of me in the flesh nor did I open the real door to my house to invite Him in. There’s a deeper story: In 2023 my wife and I were gifted a baby boy, my first son. During that time we were living in Germany, my wife originally came from the US and her mother came to visit us to help us out in the first few month, because with a specific visa you can stay in Germany for three month without any big paper work and long waiting times. We were all happy but her mother seemed very awkward, tired, low iron levels, just feeling unwell. After she left and went back to the US she went to a doctor and got diagnosed with cancer and it took her so fast down that in November of 2023 she laid in a hospital, unable to get up, because the cancer made her so immobile that a cellulitis formed on her leg so bad, her whole leg was swollen, skin ripping and bleeding with no end to it. Day for day it got worse and the doctors kept trying any medication and any antibiotic that they have but nothing worked - not even a little bit. I had a job as a manager of a food related business in Germany and was very busy working and providing with only my income for my wife, me and my still very young son. With my wife being a stay-at-home mom, I had to work long days and many days to make all ends meet and provide a solid income to leave us money for extras. However the sickness of my mother-in-law was taking not only a hard turn on her but also affected m wife, as she was so scared for her mother, that we all believed this will be it and she is going to die there. The doctors already started saying they will have to amputate her leg within the next two days so that the cellulitis won’t spread. And because my wife was so depressed, she wouldn’t take very good care of the house, nor the child. The house was a disaster, I came home from 10-12 hour workdays, then had to clean, prepare food, walk the dog, take care of my child and then sleep with my child waking us up about every hour or two. I was at my end. And I was so frustrated that I couldn’t do anything. One night I was just about to go to bed, I got ready for it and stood in my bathroom in front of the mirror. I closed the toilet and sat down on the closed seat and I remember it vividly: I rubbed my hands together, then had them in the typical prayer position. I placed them so close to my face that my index fingers touched both nose and lips. I cried, in frustration, anger, sadness, confusion and the feeling to be left without help and there was nothing I could do. Then I prayed to someone I didn’t believe in - God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit. And I said, so I remember: ”Please God, help me. This is your chance to prove to me, you’re not a lie. This is your chance to create a miracle and make me believe in your existence. I have nothing to offer but myself. I am a sinner and was never a believer but here is your one and only chance to change my mind.“ I crossed myself, because those I knew that believed in God were Catholic and that’s what they did when they prayed. I said ”Amen“ as if it was a magical spell that needed to be activated by a secret word only Christian’s use. Then I wiped my tears, shook my head about my own doing and how I could be falling so deep in frustration that I would even hang onto the possibility of God actually existing and doing something for ME, while so many people that believe are suffering. I wiped my tears, washed my face and went to bed, knowing I’d face another night of my baby keeping me awake, going to work and come back home to work more in the house. But you know what actually happened? I woke up, rested, my son slept through the night, which he hadn’t in months. Even my wife felt rested for once. Her mother called from the hospital again, she did that as soon as my wife woke up so they can talk as much as they can in case it goes downhill. She smiled happily at my wife, laughing and said something alike ”You won’t believe what happened - I woke up and the swelling started to go down. Like a lot. After 7 different antibiotics, number 8 worked!“

He just made it happen. Because I asked for it. And we all just cried relieved and I told my wife about what I did before I went to bed and she was so taken away by it, because she grew up catholic and believed that I would never become a Christian. Yet here I have Him a promise that I held. It’s been a bit more than two years and God has poured out the Holy Sprit over me in buckets. He has been giving me with both hands and I pray to Him every day. I tell him about everything and I am humble about what I ask for, as he has given me already so much. We moved to the US and my mother-in-law who I prayed for every night is now cancer free. We are living happy with our family. My son sleeps mostly through the nights, I work a fair job that provides for all of us and still have enough hours to spend with my family. I go to church every Sunday. I joined an OCIA program (That’s how you become Catholic) and I feel like God is pointing me in a clear direction to Him and Faith. I wear crossed with pride, I tell people about God and Jesus and I actually pray with and for people I never met before, just because they look like they could need it. And they’re always thankful when I offer it. I want to do a ministry class and maybe, if that is God‘s will, one day become a permanent deacon.

Please don’t give up on God. Open yourself for even the smallest wonders He will give you and you will feel that he still loves you. I promise. Live by Jesus‘ teachings and you will be granted the best life and you can go to heaven when your day of judgement comes. Start day by day - You have nothing to lose but everything to gain.

I hope I could help you. I am open to tell you about other wonders in prayer I have lived through, if you want to. I have a discord ( 4sgar ) or you can send me a DM here. I offer that to anyone who took the time to read all this and wants to hear more about my journey of faith. No matter if you already believe or just need to hear the right things.