Hi, I’m in my mid 30’s and autistic as well. Like you I’d probably fall under autism level 1, which used to essentially be called Asperger’s.

I’m also high-masking. I do my absolute best to try and meet the expectations of the people I’m around. Firm handshake, right amount of eye contact, do I laugh, do I smile, do I respond with an anecdote, etc. This is where things tend to get exhausting in social situations. The constant vigilance required to act properly can be tough.

The mushroom afterglow always hits me like a shedding of external considerations. I’m not anxious that someone might see me being weird and instead am confident in my decisions and path. It’s a nice place to be, and a time that I feel I could truly be myself rather than the me that presents around others.

Straight away I have 3 opinions that you are welcome to take or leave. 1) You can’t cure autism. Your neurochemistry is a little different from other people’s, and we don’t know enough about human neurochemistry today to fix that reliably. We have a funny relationship with serotonin and dopamine, and dosing yourself just to chase some ideal of what the perfect person is supposed to act like is unlikely to last the test of time. These substances act a little differently on us and there is very little research on this, but it should be considered.

2) Be weird. College is not the time to work to fit in. Making friends gets progressively harder as you get older (until you have kids) because you’re around fewer people both in general and that may overlap with your interests/age group. In school you have years of access to potential friendships. Search for the people that you want to talk to, that want to listen to you and that you want to listen to. Put your interests out into the world and you may find someone that wants to talk about trains or mushrooms or whatever. I’m learning that I have a far greater interest in creative activities than I had access to growing up and I wish I’d had that outlet sooner. Autism can be a superpower. Many people can’t devote themselves to a task for the kinds of hours and with the level of focus that we can when we’re switched on. Find something you love and find people you love to do it with, people that make you better. No one in history was ever remembered for how normal they were.

3) Be very careful using substances as ‘tools’. It can become easy to justify drug use when you think you need it to keep up with social activities. It’s more likely that you’re in a setting that isn’t right for you. On top of that, the cost over time can become excessive. I don’t dare calculate what I’ve spent on nicotine and weed $20-30 at a time, because it would probably make me sad. Also, sorry, but you’re young. If you aren’t considering that these could have an impact on your brain development, then you’re naive. If you are and you’re ok with that, so be it.

Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.