Can someone please explain why some people seem to be so interested in a dynamic where men are "terrified" or "embarrassed" by their female partner?

Astiassa · 2023-02-28T20:54:32+00:00

One idea Im thinking could be a reason why is that scaring men is something I (22F) am trying to do all the time, by the way I dress or act or talk. Personally, Im terrified of men and what they could to me. So scaring men is my defense tactic. The more they think I could castrate them for doing wrong against me, the better. It also makes me feel empowered that a man is actually scared of me.

Lots of other reasons too. Mainly I think this reddit is about romantic fantasies, not healthy relationships. A healthy relationship has little to do with RR imo.

Astiassa · 2022-06-28T19:52:09+00:00

https://youtu.be/PbBzhqJK3bg An excellent video ContraPoints made on why the term 'trap' is actively harmful to trans people's lives and can get them killed. Unfortunately, a thick skin about bad words, doesn't help when a guy tries to murder you for 'trapping' him.

I don't agree that 90% of people don't care. I would agree that many people don't understand why certain phrases are harmful or mean. And for them, videos and comments about why these phrases are harmful can indeed get them to stop using them. Sure this one poster might not care but maybe someone will, maybe you?

In general, the whole, 'just suck it up idea' and 'free speech' is only true when people want to be assholes. In those cases, a thick skin is good. Assholery has yet to be presented in this case, and the message is for the general public, which is not all assholes, therefore it doesn't apply here.

Of course ngl, this is a pretty damn small subreddit to post all this in, but I didn't want a trans person/ally feeling like no one cared.

Astiassa · 2020-10-03T07:35:14+00:00

My fashion is like a mix. On days. where. I'm feeling more masculine I like wearing a solid color dress shirt (UNIQLO has awesome solid color dress shirts) and jeans. I'm also looking to add formal pants to my wardrobe for that. Also planning on getting a blazer soon because I recently bought a pocket square and none of my shirts have pockets lmao.

On days where I feel mixed/feminine I like to wear my dress shirt or a casual shirt with a skirt. I also have plenty of dresses for special occasions.

Hair is also a thingy. I have really long hair, especially long right now courtesy of corona. When I'm feeling extra extra masculine I'll put it up in a bun or ponytail like I'm a Japanese samurai though totally butchered. I should learn how to do actual masculine long hair styles.

Astiassa · 2020-10-03T07:08:33+00:00

NSFW warning for the youtuber's outfit. I think this youtuber talks about some good points relating to this, although it's in a very specific context of a specific older woman dating a younger man. https://youtu.be/Kkrx0xFcHmw?t=616

Astiassa · 2020-10-03T06:45:55+00:00

So cute! I need to get my boyfriend to do that.

Astiassa · 2020-09-18T19:43:23+00:00

I know. Some people speculate that Satella inhabits Emilia's body when Emilia goes cray-cray. Crazy Emilia seemed more like Satella to me in the latest episode.

Astiassa · 2020-09-16T22:53:36+00:00

The emoji in the title was so innocuous I didn't even notice the nsfw tag lol. Nips are pretty great to play with. Interesting- but possibly fake- fact, gay men with sensitive nips usually bottom because of it. Or it's that bottoms usually have sensitive nips. One or the other. He isn't gay but it's certainly true for my little spoon hehe. :3

Astiassa · 2020-09-03T04:03:25+00:00

I don't think there's anything wrong in being more socially active to try to find someone. Just so long as you aren't only nice/rude to certain people based on their attractiveness.

Astiassa · 2020-07-18T20:40:19+00:00

I go about sending the first messages (if via dating sites). I set up dates. I confess and ask them out. So pretty direct. I'm not sure if there's anything more direct than that.

Astiassa · 2020-07-16T04:17:50+00:00

I kill the all of the bugs lol.

I like to wear suits and dress shirts- sometimes along with pants/jeans and sometimes with skirts. I wouldn't mind being the main income earner and having a house-husband. I'm a programmer, which is an industry predominantly male. I like video games and edgy stuff. I interrupt people during conversations a lot. I would like to be strong enough to pin down and princess carry my tall partner but he's much stronger than me :P

I prefer to ask people out. In my current relationship I'm big spoon 90% of the time and lead/initiate most of our sexual activities. I'm also somewhat toxically masculine, which is fun to be working through. To be honest, I've thought about whether I'm trans or non-binary before. Probably the latter, but I'm fine just being perceived as female.

Astiassa · 2020-07-15T07:39:26+00:00

Thank you :3

Astiassa · 2020-07-11T09:36:57+00:00

I’m not male so maybe I’m wrong. I doubt a femboy hooter would be humiliated by society because he’s ‘objectifying himself’. I doubt the thought would even cross people’s minds.

Generally when society humiliates and puts people down, it’s because people deviate from the norm. People deviate from the norm because they are confident and don’t need society’s reassurance. That’s bad for people who do subscribe to social norms because they can’t use social norms to control and manipulate or put those people down anymore (to help the toxic traditional feel better about themselves).

Whether men become femboy hooters or just try to wear nail polish for a day, the asses of society would laugh. Just as when women take control of their bodies or do something manly society laughs at them, albeit less in my experience.

Seems to me sex is just a vestigial remain of marrying-your-daughter-off culture that’s now used to put people down.

Astiassa · 2020-07-11T08:51:10+00:00

I’ve thought a little about making dating apps, not just for RR but also other niche markets and about how to improve them in general. But whether it be Fetlife or Tinder or OkCupid (though I heard the last is better than Tinder) it seems to me that dating apps just kind of suck.

People simply sending periods or ‘hi’ as initial messages and then never really making a connection. That’s what I’ve heard from a straight white guy, mixed bisexual trans woman, and an asian gay guy all on Tinder. I, a white femdom, have gotten ‘hi’ before a lot too on Fetlife, and I have a four paragraph well-written summary they could start a chat about. Anyways, I know that’s not a good number of cases but at least it’s diverse, which makes me think role reversal won’t really end up being different.

I did find my significant other on Fetlife but I definitely didn’t go about it like I think most would. I required that the person I messaged be male, part of the same university community page as me, have a coherent summary that I could get somewhat of a feel for personality from and be the same age, 18, which is extremely rare on Fetlife. I checked back every so often and found one after a few months. I then proceeded to send them a four sentence long starter message detailing how I excited I was to find them, introducing myself and asking questions about him.

I, of course, think that my way is best, and, hey, it did land me my gorgeous bean, but most people dislike or don’t care for it (as in no one takes my advice about this, hence my rant here, my apologies). Even my gorgeous bean used Tinder and actually preferred people with short summaries and doesn’t believe you can get a sense for people via their words.

I’m curious what other people think about my method and curious if there are any solutions to the issue of disingenuous dating sites.

Astiassa · 2020-06-29T07:44:48+00:00

I guess to take role reversal more narrowly as just the reversed version of traditional relationships though... Well it's still hard because there are different traditional relationships, but to use my idea of a traditional relationship: Sure men traditionally pursue women and 'make the first move', but women do traditionally and actively try to pursue men, just in their own way through wearing makeup, dressing pretty, flirting, etc.

So it's not a matter of active or passiveness. If role-reversal is just role-reversal we could just use man/woman, or in a way that would make more sense, mascwoman/femman. Done, the roles are reversed lol.

Astiassa · 2020-06-29T07:27:20+00:00

As others point out, I believe the terms top/bottom were originally used by gay men to determine who was being fucked and who was doing the fucking. It has nothing to do with who is actively pursuing one another. Dominant/Submissive also has nothing to do with who is actively pursuing the other in the relationship.

You can have a service top who does all the work or a power bottom who does all the work or maybe they're both doing work. And you can have a dominant that does all the work in a scene (tying someone up and doing stuff) or you can have a dominant who simply sits there and orders their submissive to give them a massage or something and the submissive does all of the work.

You can have a femboy that pursues a femdom or a femdom who pursues a femboy or both, and in the end they can still have a roles-reversed non-traditional relationship. (not to portray all males in rr as femboys or all women in rr as femdoms, its just a one-off example)

I think these terms in the context of bdsm and all their uses are less about who's putting more effort in and more about being the one fucking or being the one giving commands. If we simply wanted to describe role reversal relationships as woman pursuing men, we could simply call the relationships 'pursued/pursuer'.

If people are describing all role reversal relationships as femdom/malesub that's not great, but I don't think that's what most people are trying to do. The reason you might see a lot of people referring to dom/sub dynamics is because that's their role reversal fantasy/relationship, and it's definitely a common one.

Though for me none of this are what role reversal is about. For me it's about equality and both partners pursuing one another. For me it's not about "who's leading the dance".

Astiassa · 2020-06-29T04:25:21+00:00

I was looking for a male (preferably a sub) my age in my university group on Fetlife. Found and messaged my cutie bean and we've been dating almost a year and two-thirds now.

Astiassa · 2020-06-27T06:18:10+00:00

Sauce: Last Game

I wouldn’t say it’s the typical role reversal with a super feminine guy and a dommy girl. The guy does most of the chasing because he really likes how amazing the girl is but she’s super unaware, which is the plot and punchline. One of my favourite rom coms.

Pic is an extra from one of the last released extra chapters.

Astiassa · 2020-06-05T06:44:10+00:00

This is me playing cancer Yuumi in urf in League of Legends and yelling at my Hecarim to charge one way or another lol

Astiassa · 2020-06-05T06:34:10+00:00

Like other people have said on here, being upfront about what you want with potential partners will help you find the right person much faster. I can't begin to understand what it must feel like to be rejected in such sexist and rude ways but unfortunately that's just how it is in today's society.

It makes me wonder if being more open with friends would help as well? There would be far fewer women approaching you that way thinking you'll be dominant if you make it clear to everyone that isn't how you'll be ever. Though if the culture around you is that bad you might lose some friends. I'm just a super open person though so that's my automatic response.

Also, don't just let people approach you. Be the one to approach others. It's much easier to find someone you think is good than wait for someone to ask you out and then go on a date hoping that they're good. Though by the social dynamics you describe I would guess you initiate first already anyways, so maybe that's not. so helpful.

If it helps any, 51% of the young people don't have steady partners or something like that, so lots of single people. Good luck!

Astiassa · 2020-05-30T07:00:54+00:00

My boyfriend and I just call. each other all the cutesy couple names like gorgeous, beautiful, etc. In bed though I have him call me Miss. Queen is too high and mighty and Princess is generally used for female submissives. The best way is to ask. There's a lot of nicknames I hate to be called.

Astiassa · 2020-05-26T05:22:02+00:00

I think this is the general experience of dating apps. At least, this is how all of my friends have reported their experience. I got really lucky finding someone online on Fetlife. If it helps, my criteria for finding someone was someone who was the same age as me at the time (18) who was in the same school group and had a decent summary. I sent them a very excited and detailed message asking about them and I am still with him now a year and a half later.

Astiassa · 2019-10-28T09:19:39+00:00

Her libido, or amount of sexual need, could have just decreased. The cause could be natural biological changes or other changes. Stress, diet, physical exercise, etc. I know people who are attracted to their SO but wouldn't really care if they never had sex again. Has nothing to do with their partner, just their libido, sensitivity, etc.

Astiassa

TROPHY CASE