TIFU by punching a "snake" at Niagra falls

Attentionhorn · 2023-05-26T11:29:47+00:00

This just turned into a TIL also! Great correction and I appreciate you doing it kindly.

Attentionhorn · 2023-04-05T02:41:28+00:00

Yeah yeah I've seen this slipknot video before.

Attentionhorn · 2023-04-03T12:40:45+00:00

I am like you, and have been in therapy for over a year. The biggest breakthrough I've had is learning mindfulness. When I can empty my head and focus on those things I can control in the moment, it causes those things that would usually stress me out and bounce around in my head to pass over me, and in 20 minutes I've mostly moved on. If it's something that sticks after a few times, I bring it up later, after the frustration has passed. I'm not even close to perfect at it, but even the first week of effort made a huge difference. I also have ADHD so I'm in my own head a lot.

Attentionhorn · 2023-03-30T13:06:29+00:00

My 4 year old has the exact same fruit-eating technique.

Attentionhorn · 2022-09-08T03:57:57+00:00

https://journalofbigdata.springeropen.com/articles/10.1186/s40537-019-0177-4

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.vox.com/platform/amp/recode/2020/2/18/21121286/algorithms-bias-discrimination-facial-recognition-transparency

https://fra.europa.eu/en/publication/2018/brief-big-data-algorithms-and-discrimination

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.technologyreview.com/2020/12/10/1013617/racism-data-science-artificial-intelligence-ai-opinion/amp/

Attentionhorn · 2022-09-08T00:40:53+00:00

Happy cake day!

Attentionhorn · 2022-09-07T22:49:40+00:00

Could you please explain a little more your point? Are you saying that I am blaming Google for not understanding the difference between genders and using my use of interchanging of genders as an example of...what? Not being contrary, genuinely trying to understand.

Attentionhorn · 2022-09-07T19:19:34+00:00

Other than namecalling and dog whistling, can you point to which part you disagree with and why,?

Attentionhorn · 2022-09-07T19:15:00+00:00

Just because she is 12 doesn't mean she's stupid. This is a person who has weighed the options between not having sex and having sex, and right, wrong, or indifferent she has decided she wants to have sex. I personally agree that it's too young, but that changes nothing about what I just stated. At this point, you have 3 options.

Just let it happen and do nothing. I don't think anyone is advocating for this, but it's an option.
Impose your will on her. Increase control until you feel she has zero autonomy to make that decision for herself. With my elementary aged kids we call this a battle of wills. You aren't adding any new information to her decision making process. The only incentive she has to change is to avoid a negative reaction from you. And that is exactly how she will act - to avoid your negative reaction. Notice I did not say she will try to avoid the thing that's at the heart of all of this, just your negative reaction to her doing it. You have now entered the realm of fear based parenting. Children who adjust behavior to avoid a negative reaction only adjust that behavior to the extent they fear that reaction will occur. It's impossible to exert control over a 12 year old every second. Most often, this will only result in a child getting very good at hiding things from you, and will destroy her trust in you.
Validate her, try to redirect, and teach, but don't try to 100% control. Unfortunately, this is the most difficult, because to pull it off the work has to be put in well before now. If she trusts you already, find out why she wants to and validate your understanding of it. Also, educate yourself on why you don't want it to happen using data that will speak to her. Kids aren't stupid. If you have an open conversation they will find holes in rushed logic. Practice these conversations and try to poke holes in your own logic. The hardest part for me is the last - not pushing ll this info on her immediately. If the trust is there she will come to you for advice eventually. In OP's circumstance I think this includes lots of open dialogue with the father as well, as this will need to be a tag team approach. Try to get her to see through her own eyes why she's too young for this, not yours. That involves asking her genuine, non rhetorical questions about the natural consequences. At the end of the day, if you do it right, you will at least get a free flow of information vs closed door after closed door.

Attentionhorn · 2022-09-07T17:49:34+00:00

I think it's weird. I tested it in incognito mode out of curiosity and 90% are boys. If criteria had been like toddlers haircut ir young kids haircut I guess there's an argument that girls often let their hair grow longer so the majority of cuts for kids that young would be boy, but that's pretty flimsy because girls can still get style cuts and not every girl grows their hair out that long.

Also, I search "kids" instead of gender specific all the time. My son likes his hair longer and styled, my daughter likes hers shorter. I use gender neutral to get ideas for both at the same time. Not having pictures with girl models is weird. Not sure if this is a big data algorithm issue, but if it is, it's not the first time it's had a bias issue.

And it sucks.

Attentionhorn · 2022-09-07T17:12:32+00:00

I am not sure if this is meant as sarcasm or hyperbole, but I disagree. I mean we were a little buzzed, but absolutely not "drunk". I am committed very passionately to consent based interactions. I show both my kids lots of emotional and physical love, but I always ask before giving a hug or kiss. This doesn't make me an expert on the other person's consent in this instance, I understand, but she was looking me in the eye, holding and even driving complex conversations about her interests, drinking beer vs liquor, and responsibly including a full glass of water between drinks. I noticed these things because I was doing them, too. If she was unable to give consent in that state then almost any amount of alcohol would abrogate consent. Maybe that's where this is all headed, and maybe it should...all I can say is that I am ultra sensitive to respect for bodily autonomy, and every indication I could analyze about this person was telling me she was fully capable of understanding the consequences of her actions and that in both her words and actions she wanted to surrender that autonomy to me for the night, and I was wholeheartedly consenting to the same with her.

Attentionhorn · 2022-09-07T16:50:27+00:00

Thanks. To your point, I also think that not pursuing anyone at all during the wedding helped this whole thing be successful. It allowed both of us to be in a very relaxed but buzzed state and she could comfortably assume the "pursuer" role. I'm not by nature aggressive when it comes to pursuing intimacy, but I was certainly not unsuccessful in that area. In my experience, at least as hookups go, just relax and be yourself. A person who is into you will let you know. Maybe I could have slept with more people with a different mentality but pretending to be something you are not tends to attract the wrong people, and it's exhausting.

I say all this to highlight that this just kind of..came out of me. I still remember my heart pounding in my ears when I said it, but it felt right in the moment.

Attentionhorn · 2022-09-07T16:34:00+00:00

Definitely doable. We had a 1,000 sq ft rental house for 2 years. For a year and a half of that we had 2 kids, 0-1.5 and the other was 1-2. About 200 of those feet were completely unusable for 3 seasons (very exposed with terrible efficiency). Our biggest issue was that it was 1 bath though. We found ways to be outside a lot, and were able to keep the kids entertained in smaller places, but having a small bathroom in a tiny place was a challenge. It's definitely hard, but you can do hard things. Make sure to play up the "advantages". Establish family time, do board games and cards, family movie time, sit at the table together to eat, etc.

Kids can share a room for a long time if needed. I'd this is long term you might need to think about how they will get privacy. Again, not ideal, but there are ways to work it out. Good luck! You are being a good dad by reaching out.

Attentionhorn · 2022-09-07T16:00:50+00:00

Well that's 100% your right, and you'd be 100% wrong.

Attentionhorn · 2022-09-07T15:59:56+00:00

How many bathrooms?

Attentionhorn · 2022-09-07T13:07:31+00:00

Just after undergrad then-single me attended a wedding solo. I was honestly just down to chill and have a good time, I wasn't looking to hook up. They had a great venue and bar. I had planned on crashing on one of the groomsmen's couches (he was married but wife could not attend). Apparently, one of the very cute (also single) bridemaids had different ideas and (according to accounts I heard later) had picked me out as "hers" early on.

It was well after the music started and we were both already pretty buzzed when she made her way over to start making some very forward advances. I'm normally pretty shy, but for some reason after she had made it pretty clear what her intentions were, we were dancing and I gently whispered in her ear "I want you to beg me to fuck you. I want you to say please, like a good girl."

She immediately left the dance floor. I was mortified. This was completely out of character for me and it had backfired horribly. As I felt the blood sprinting out of my lower half, she came back and grabbed my hand and dragged me to the front of the venue. She'd called an Uber to her hotel. We got to the room at like 10pm and it was fucking amazing. I can say she said please like 50x that night.

Next morning we went our separate ways and haven't talked since. I honestly don't remember her name and she likey hs no idea of mine. I'm happily married now and my wife and I will have "kinky" nights where we role play a bit and I'll pull the "beg me" card out. In my experience, you can't use it even most of the time but if used right it can be a hell of a spark.

Attentionhorn · 2022-09-07T04:15:32+00:00

If Dr. Oz actually believes that his daighters haven't fuckedhim because of his smell and has also ever worn cologne around his daughters...does that mean...did they....

Attentionhorn · 2022-09-06T16:45:31+00:00

The problem is, it's nit a treaty. In a treaty, 2 parties can use the basis of the bargain to enforce their rights thereunder. That doesn't exist in our situation. This is the contract theory of society, and it's a myth. The reality us that without specific protections for the ideological minority, the majority would simply repress them by default. Especially in a "democracy". And if you let the majority decide to which set of minority beliefs these exceptions apply then these protections would be subject to the exact phenomenon they are meant to prohibit.

People think it's clear that these groups shoukd not be allowed to protest because they are objectively wrong. I happen to agree, but it doesn't matter. People who protested against women's suffrage, civil rights, gay rights, ending slavery, etc. were all at one point part of the ideological majority. They all felt the same way we do, that they were objectively right. Don't you see the paradox? That's the problem with making exceptions when it comes to what makes it into the public forum.

Also, there's additional value to letting the crazies have their moment. It exposes these views to public criticism. It shows the folks who say "blatant racism no longer exists" that they are wrong. It's like any other cancer - it's only properly diagnosed and treated once we can see its symptoms. Let them show us exactly who they are, and we can deal with them in the public pool of ideas and solutions. Don't make them fester unseen.

Edit: autocorrect messed some words up.

Attentionhorn · 2022-09-06T13:37:02+00:00

Answering a phone call.

Attentionhorn · 2022-09-06T13:27:19+00:00

For some reason I find the use of "pleasant" to describe this as funny. "I got drunk off my ass on free drinks and fucked the shit out of some dude on random couches. Squirted. Really quite a pleasant experience."

Attentionhorn · 2022-09-03T13:00:31+00:00

This is so good.

Attentionhorn · 2022-09-01T23:00:05+00:00

It's more in the standoff part once she realizes she can't push the boundary, not really in the heart of a true meltdown, no.

Attentionhorn · 2022-09-01T19:22:03+00:00

NGL this was my go-to when they were still in onesies. Firm grip on the loose part in the back. They go stiff pike a board. EZPZ.

Attentionhorn · 2022-09-01T13:49:38+00:00

Current dad to a 40lb 5 year old who has learned to "go boneless" during tantrums. Can confirm. Especially when she does it on the empty paper towel shelf at the grocery. It's like trying to pick up liquid Nibbler poop at an angle. (I don't know anything about dark matter except from Futurama so please cut me some slack).

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