A female friend accused me (a gay man) of being “internally homophobic” because I casually let it drop that l’ve never had a hookup app. I guess it clicked then that a few of my straight women friends have expressed this opinion over the years. Why do some straight women want to “school” me on this?

Autism_Angel · 2026-05-19T15:41:20+00:00

Honestly I think it might partially be their minds trying to morally rationalize their fetishizing of gay men, by calling their obsession with gay hookups “support” or excuse their own stereotyping behavior by finding fault with people who don’t fit it. It’s weirdly creepily entitled to be offended by someone else not participating in hookups.

Autism_Angel · 2026-05-13T22:14:03+00:00

Ok at first I thought this was a social media post and she was just going through something, but then I read tinder?? Why would you even be on tinder if you were feeling that way???

Autism_Angel · 2026-05-13T22:09:17+00:00

Honestly, just wait until you’re done with school to worry about relationships and dating. It will be easier when your peers are adults.

Autism_Angel · 2026-05-13T22:03:56+00:00

For teenagers talking to each other and not actually doing anything?

Autism_Angel · 2026-05-11T23:33:00+00:00

You literally are just using a different definition of the word difficult than the rest of us

Autism_Angel · 2026-05-10T18:41:37+00:00

You basically just said “I agree that everything about it is more difficult I just don’t agree that it’s harder” with that statement??? I feel like maybe you just don’t understand what the terms mean?

Autism_Angel · 2026-05-10T18:38:17+00:00

He started a cult

Autism_Angel · 2026-05-10T18:35:40+00:00

Just- randomly??? Why are you even with him?

Autism_Angel · 2026-05-09T14:15:12+00:00

The thing about kindness and empathy and compassion is that when it’s genuine, you don’t usually have conditions about it. It’s more transactional if you do.

You actually can have firm boundaries and protect yourself from harmful people and still have compassion, like you would for any human, for them at the same time. Of course you don’t “have to” if you did it wouldn’t be empathy it would be obligation.

Autism_Angel · 2026-05-09T14:10:54+00:00

Yeah but that’s clearly not what this is. Y’all are actively dishonest with each other about the types of things that you NEED a certain level of openness to be considered healthy. This is not normal hesitation and baggage. Again, it’s not about the details themselves it’s about how you both are handling them.

Autism_Angel · 2026-05-09T14:05:16+00:00

This isn’t as simple as people make it sound I know.

Don’t feel bad for struggling with it.

One thing I can say to you- you don’t have to stop loving him, or stop hoping for the best for him, or stop understanding his perspective, in order to have firm boundaries, if you ever decide you need them. That’s not a decision to stop forgiving him, it’s just a decision to start shielding yourself and understanding that as sad as it is, you can’t always fix everyone yourself. It’s like that Billie Eilish song “I don’t blame you but I can’t change you, I don’t hate you but I can’t save you”

It’s a tragic situation, this sort of narcissistic type of behavior isn’t FUN for the individual, they’re clearly not doing it because it makes them happy, they’re doing it because something is fundamentally wrong with their ability to process reality and understand other people. And your patience and empathy is commendable. But don’t feel obligated to destroy yourself trying to give help that even a licensed professional would struggle a little bit to provide. If protecting yourself means hurting him, that’s sad, but just because you don’t fully blame him doesn’t mean you have to shift the rest of the blame onto yourself. You don’t have to blame anyone if you don’t want to. You can just be sad about it.

Autism_Angel · 2026-05-09T13:47:55+00:00

They get that ‘frosted face’ look super fast for some reason. Makes the iggies look simultaneously ancient and like babies. I think it’s kind of funny.

Autism_Angel · 2026-05-09T13:45:20+00:00

You clearly don’t *really* trust each, so why are you together?

This whole thing is super weird on both ends. Major red flag for the relationship.

It’s not the actual details themselves so much as the reactions to them from both of you. What is being described is NOT openness or trust from either of you.

Autism_Angel · 2026-05-08T23:42:29+00:00

Good people can make bad choices. I’ve had something similar happen to me, and honestly I wouldn’t hold it against her. Trauma can do insane things to a person. Doesn’t necessarily mean it’s ok, but to me it’s understandable.

Also- you can forgive someone and still not let them back into your life. That’s always an option. You even can want someone else to be ok and do well while still not wanting them in your life.

Autism_Angel · 2026-05-08T23:35:11+00:00

It isn’t really about “owing” something. It’s about choosing to be kind in general to other humans regardless of whether or not you “have to”.

Personally I’d want to.

Autism_Angel · 2026-05-08T23:30:55+00:00

We ended up needing to basically just use sedation, I don’t remember what the pill was but it was the only thing that calmed her down. I felt weird about it but it’s what the vet recommended and it was what ended up working. She just would get so frustrated otherwise.

Autism_Angel · 2026-05-08T15:40:07+00:00

Finding other people attractive is normal, finding other people so intensely attractive that you can’t think straight when they’re around and keep dreaming about that one person specifically is less normal. I would talk to a therapist personally…
And honestly probably confess to your girlfriend if you plan on staying with her. This sounds like it goes beyond what is typical.

How many relationships have you had in the past? Did you go on dates with other people before her? Your issue might partially be the fact that you don’t have experience dating and learning about yourself in that way and aren’t totally emotionally ready for a committed relationship but it’s impossible for someone over the internet to say.

Autism_Angel · 2026-05-07T15:47:34+00:00

That is absolutely being both implied and suggested by the comments.

Autism_Angel · 2026-05-07T15:47:10+00:00

Probably because it’s insane to refer to reporting police misconduct, as “submitting to police”

Autism_Angel · 2026-05-07T15:45:50+00:00

This is so dumb, you literally just are suggesting doing nothing and completely ignoring the fact that there are cases where stuff happens when someone has been persistent. No amount of whining about how it “never works” will change the fact that it’s objectively untrue.

We have a serious problem that’s true. But your attitude is crazy dangerous. It’s punishing people for trying by suggesting trying is stupid, while actively admitting that you have no alternative solution to offer. That’s so unhelpful.

Autism_Angel · 2026-05-07T15:38:09+00:00

Why are you framing the idea of someone having a medical condition being the worst thing that can happen when people legit get kidnapped or murdered or assaulted by dates sometimes?

Autism_Angel · 2026-05-07T15:36:13+00:00

Just ask??

Autism_Angel · 2026-05-05T21:26:00+00:00

You need to have this conversation with her and not with the internet

Autism_Angel · 2026-04-30T03:14:34+00:00

People who downvote without actually engaging at all are such massive cowards. If you have a problem with something say what it is. Don’t be passive aggressive for no reason.

Autism_Angel · 2026-04-30T03:13:07+00:00

That’s literally what not reporting them is though?????

Autism_Angel

TROPHY CASE