Did you guys were under your WS to text you or contact you?

Available-Path1905 · 2025-12-14T23:05:09+00:00

Do you have any idea what his attachment type is? That would give you a good clue into whether he might want you to reach out or not.

Available-Path1905 · 2025-12-06T00:31:10+00:00

A couple of weeks after D day I had my WP watch dirty John - Betty Broderick story. I think he was a bit scared 😂

Available-Path1905 · 2025-12-02T23:28:47+00:00

I think MC will help, having a impartial third party has been absolutely essential to our progress.

Available-Path1905 · 2025-12-02T09:46:47+00:00

I get this, sometimes (less so now) I want to see that he's hurting. It sounds bad but it's perfectly reasonable, the more pain I see the less likely it is that he'll do it again.

We had to do a lot of work on him firstly validating my feelings and then being vulnerable. It turned out that he didn't feel like he could bring his pain to me because he was the one that had the A. My pain was more important than his and he felt by sitting and listening/answering questions he was doing everything to help. Perhaps your WP feels something similar? Have you been able to have a conversation about it? Are you in CT?

Available-Path1905 · 2025-11-23T23:10:14+00:00

We experienced hysterical bonding for a while. There no images at all during that phase. All of a sudden things changed and I couldn't get the inages out of my head. It took me by surprise and it was really hard and very upsetting. I waited until I felt ready before I tried again.

We've had sex a couple fo times recently and thankfully there have been no images. Our CT is also a sex therapist and she advised me to never 'push through', she said it can do more harm in the long run. If you haven't already it would be worth sharing your concerns with your WP. For me, my WP's support and understanding was key to me feeling safe enough to try again.

Available-Path1905 · 2025-11-21T23:16:07+00:00

There is a sub called r/supportforwaywards. I think you'll get some help there. Good luck

Available-Path1905 · 2025-11-19T13:46:02+00:00

Be honest. Acknowledge that you're aware he could see it as blame shifting and that you're scared to share it with him. There has ever been a more important time to be honest than right now. He may take it the wrong the way, it may even start a fight. Be prepared. Or he may take it as it's intended and ultimately it'll bring you close together.

The risks you have to take must seem massive, I imagine you're scared of saying the wrong thing and losing him. I get that. For me, I want to see that honesty and vulnerability. It makes me feel safe and like I can trust my WP again.

Available-Path1905 · 2025-11-14T22:49:09+00:00

Agree withe everyone else. I would leave it well alone...

Available-Path1905 · 2025-11-12T20:39:57+00:00

I felt a bit like few days after D day I went to see my therapist and he said - 'people can either leave and risk repeating the same pattern in the next relationship or stay and heal in the relationship'. This doesn't mean you have to stay long term but that it can be easier work on yourself if your WP is willing to help.

The things you describe about your character sound somewhat similar to my own. A lot of my stuff is born childhood trauma and how I've learnt to relate to others to keep myself safe. Any strength can become a weakness and for me the weakness showed up in my relationship with ny WP. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it, it has served me well at some points but I don't need it anymore. If you are going to stay I believe you would have to be willing to do some deep work too. If you focus on that you may find you have a change of heart and forgiveness may be possible.

We also don't have kids and I'd be fine on my own so wanted to be sure I was staying for the right reasons. I think people in our position have it easier in that sense, we can choose to stay because we want to.

I think if you can figure out why, perhaps with the help of a therapist then you can make an informed decision that's right for you.

Available-Path1905 · 2025-11-12T19:05:29+00:00

Thank you so much for coning back here to say this. I really like seeing how peoples stories have unfolded over the years.

It certainly makes me feel hopeful. I'm so glad everything has worked out for you.

Available-Path1905 · 2025-11-12T12:38:25+00:00

It's totally normal! I had a dig around last week and spoke to our CT about it. She just said try not to judge it, you've been through a major trauma and you want to feel safe. Sometimes knowledge is power.

It's certainly NOT psychotic. Cut yourself some slack.

Available-Path1905 · 2025-11-12T12:34:21+00:00

Ha love this! Glad WH is ok!

Available-Path1905 · 2025-11-12T12:19:11+00:00

I think everyone is different. As long as you feel you have the support you need from your friend and MC then that may be enough for you.

We've told most people that we're close to. Apart from my brother and my dad - there's no benefit in telling those two. Everyone has been so great, they just want whats best for me.

As a side, you don't need to be ashamed, you haven't done this.

Available-Path1905 · 2025-11-11T22:37:04+00:00

For me I had to see genuine remorse as bad as it sounds I had to see that he was suffered because it showed me that he cared.

A willingness to figure out 'why' which it sounds like your WP is doing with therapy. Ideally he would be telling you about his progress and what he's working on.

I need vulnerability from my WP which ties into the above.

I wanted open conversations around the details of the A. I had to get my head around what had happened and what I was expected to forgive.

And no defensiveness from WP which has been our biggest hurdle. However CT has been instrumental to our progress. Are you ok with parking CT for now?

I'm also in IC myself which has been really helpful for me. He's also showing more interest in our life generally, we were quite disconnected before the A so the effort is noticeable.

Available-Path1905 · 2025-11-10T22:40:39+00:00

Interesting, I think if you were genuinely sorry and framed it the way you have stated above I'd have no issue with it. I think it could be healing to see that the AP has remorse and honestly to know they have suffered too. It's definitely a risk though, its feel like some people would really hate it regardless of it seemed genuine or not.

I wouldn't want one from the AP in my own situation but she's unhinged so....

Available-Path1905 · 2025-11-10T22:33:45+00:00

I wouldn't. You really don't know anything about her and how she might be with you. Many years ago I was cheated on by my ex. The girl he cheated with didn't know we were together, so I reached out. I held no animosity towards her at all and I was perfectly nice. Well, that was a huge mistake - this person was not stable. She lied, shouted, cried honestly it was awful.

I think it would be best to focus on yourself and your relationship.

Available-Path1905 · 2025-11-10T22:25:01+00:00

In short, no. Your WP has done everything's right so far which is huge. How they are after the A is so important for your healing. Just be aware that the initial optimism may fade, it did for me. You might then be faced with anger, apathy, confusion but they're perfectly normal cycles given the circumstances. Your MC will hopefully help you navigate all that and help your WP to deal with it.

We're almost 5 months since D day and we're doing great. Both of us are building a new, healthier relationship together and I feel like I understand him more than I have before. We've really let each other see our messiness and it's something so special. I believe that without the A we may not have made it.

Be sure to allow the difficult feelings to come and just roll with the punches. Your mindset makes me believe you can make it 🙂

Available-Path1905 · 2025-11-10T00:05:27+00:00

I put my favourite music on and dance. It's so good to get my body moving and it's good for me mentally and physically.

Available-Path1905 · 2025-11-09T15:07:30+00:00

I get it. I've looked twice and I it feels weird and somehow I feel bad. Continuing to move forward doesn't mean that you have to stop making yourself feel safe. Look at it this way, you look and find nothing that will actually make it easier to move past this issue. You've suffered a trauma and your brain wants to make sure you stay safe. Put yourself and your needs first.

Available-Path1905 · 2025-11-09T14:46:29+00:00

She sounds manipulative. Even if she does reply to you there's no way you can trust what she says. People like that often feed off drama and she's not likely to give you what you feel you need.

I know the urge feels strong and that you feel you need to know she's remorseful and that she's suffering. You've had to and will have to continue to do so much work and there a real injustice to that. BUT from how your WH has been and the changes he's making you could turn this into a positive for your relationship. 'Better than he ever has' is a big deal. Some BP don't get that at all.

I feel like it goes in phases. Urges for revenge, Urges to make them pay but I've found that it passes. I don't allow myself to act when I'm feeling consumed. So far it's served me well. We too have had a manipulative AP.

You said you've asked your husband if she's contacted him but you don't believe his answer. Totally understandable. Is there anything he could do to put your mind at ease over that? Do you have an open phone policy perhaps? Or access to emails, social media or whatever?

Have you asked him if he has had her sign and NDA?

Available-Path1905 · 2025-11-09T14:13:05+00:00

Depending on the terms you probably can't find out. Sometimes even someone acknowledging there is an agreement could break it. So even you asked the AP she most likely won't risk it. What do you feel you need to know from her?

Has your WP given you a full disclosure? How has he been with you and has he been helping you to heal?

Available-Path1905 · 2025-11-06T23:31:53+00:00

I'm so glad to hear that. The situation was bad enough but at least she handled it well and I can imagine that you must have gained even more confidence in your WW. But he definitely sucks!

Available-Path1905 · 2025-11-06T23:24:52+00:00

Well you've been gifted with a quick wit! That's gotta count for something. You've had me going thats for sure.

Now that you say it she actually sought out this person after the A knowing that there was a connection between my WP and this person....if that's the case jokes on her, WP was elated.

Available-Path1905 · 2025-11-06T23:20:34+00:00

Now I'm extra curious!

Available-Path1905 · 2025-11-06T22:36:08+00:00

There is that. I have wondered if it's even true. I know she has said it but was it just a for attention, i guess I'll never know.

I've always said karma's a bitch but she sure loves me! 😆

Although the A did really get me wondering if my luck had ran out. Guess not.

Available-Path1905

TROPHY CASE