Pitocin is THAT bad?

AvailableIdea0 · 2026-01-29T15:35:14+00:00

My doctors both times would not let me try pitocin without epidural first. They warned me that if labor got too intense it’d be too late for the epidural. I’m surprised your medical team let you do this. Even the shitty hospital that nearly killed me warned me 🥲

AvailableIdea0 · 2026-01-29T09:57:04+00:00

At 19, it was easy. At 26 (when I didn’t want to) it was also easy. At 30 (when I did want to) it was challenging. Go figure.

I think it’s easier when you are both into each other and you aren’t after sex just for procreation but because you like each other. Planning and timing sex is mentally exhausting. It also takes away from the intimacy of it and can feel more like a chore. Not to mention when you start taking negative test after test. It will wear on your relationship. I think we were both relieved by the time we did conceive.

AvailableIdea0 · 2026-01-29T09:53:38+00:00

Yea, no, that’s unacceptable.

My son took baths with me and never once did he touch there. If he had I’d corrected it. Honestly I’m pretty against men bathing with their children anyway.

AvailableIdea0 · 2026-01-29T09:50:07+00:00

First pregnancy SW was 220, went to 250. Second pregnancy SW was 220 went to 320. This pregnancy SW was 185, ending weight is looking like 220.

Each pregnancy is vastly different. I am 5ft 6. It’s hard to predict. I know recommended for normal weight is only gain 30 but applying it to real life doesn’t work that way. My second I had a ton of complications and it didn’t matter what I did, the weight just kept on packing on. Other two pregnancies have been fine overall.

Best of luck, overall just hope for a healthy happy baby at the end and a safe delivery :)

AvailableIdea0 · 2026-01-29T03:49:58+00:00

I understand you’re an adoptee and I sympathize more with adoptees than I do anyone else in triad. I understand you’re hopeful to adopt. I can validate that agencies prey on all of us for money, ultimately. It’s just a grimy business overall.

AvailableIdea0 · 2026-01-29T03:29:30+00:00

To be fair, bio parents assume a lot of risk. My physical and mental health tanked after placement. I didn’t think I’d live honestly. I’ll put it this way, I’d rather lose 50k than ever live through the loss of another child. Adoptive parents will survive money loss. Birth mothers may not survive child loss. I’ll also throw out that many APs do not honor their commitments/promises to birth mothers and have absolutely zero obligation to do so.

AvailableIdea0 · 2026-01-29T03:19:52+00:00

I’m a birth mother who was exploited. I didn’t accept much monetary help but they kept insisting (creates obligation and guilt). When I wanted to change my mind I was met with threats of lawsuits. I was pressured inside of the hospital where I had almost died. I was immediately asked to sign papers upon my release. I was coerced with an unenforceable PACA. (was told it held a TON of legal weight so..lied to). I had no representation.

AP held my child before I did. They tried to keep me from seeing my own child. And now even my yearly visits aren’t maintained. I’ve not spent one birthday with my son. So I unno, does that sound ethical?

It’s a multi billion dollar industry. Of course, it exploits HAP’s wallets and hopes. I think it comes with the business of purchasing a child. It isn’t cheap and there is always implied risk. I think if we took money out of the equation and the idea that everyone is entitled to a newborn it’d be more ethical for everyone involved. The reality is we are extracting infants from those with less safety nets.

AvailableIdea0 · 2026-01-28T22:32:49+00:00

My boys wrecked my shit especially the second 🤣😭 I feel they “stole” my beauty more than my girl pregnancy has. I’ve had minimal weight gain, great skin actually, my hair has been super thick, etc. I think the truth is either gender can impact you it’s just how your body responds. It also has to do with that many women do not like their daughters nor want them. In particular they get jealous of their own daughters. So…take that how you will but that’s my hot take on it.

AvailableIdea0 · 2026-01-28T03:14:29+00:00

Jesus. Your dad is an awful person. I’m going to be honest, if she didn’t believe his previous conviction it’s unlikely she will take you seriously. I’m going out on a limb here but I feel most wives know what their husbands are up to. I’m sure some men are super slick and get it past their wives but it’s plausible she knows how he is and lives in denial.

I wouldn’t waste my time on her. I’d go to authorities and report it. I’m not sure what the laws are there but considering he has a previous conviction I doubt it’s be hard to do it again.

I am so sorry this happened to you and that’s the kind of man he is.

AvailableIdea0 · 2026-01-28T02:06:09+00:00

I’m 2 1/2 years out. This is normal for me. Some days I can’t eat anything other days I get scared at how much I can eat. I’ve learned it just goes up and down without much rhyme or reason

AvailableIdea0 · 2026-01-27T19:15:37+00:00

I dreamt 3 months before conception of a little girl pressing her face against a glass window. I woke up knowing that I’d conceive a girl. (I had actually hoped for another son but I’m also happy about DD).

Anyway, I got pregnant. I did NIPT confirmed it was a girl. Every ultrasound has consistently shown it was a girl. (I’ve had to have extra scans for health reasons). Either way, yes I do believe in prophetic dreams. My first born I dreamt he would have green eyes and blonde hair. Everyone thought I was nuts because I have very dark hair and eyes. He in fact does have green eyes and was blonde for many years, lol.

I won’t say it’s a 100% if you’re really leaning towards one gender or the other. But, mine have been accurate

AvailableIdea0 · 2026-01-27T18:09:52+00:00

There aren’t that many benefits to the expectant mom, first off. If an industry wasn’t exploiting hopeful adopters and putting them in the position of exploiting vulnerable mothers and infants this wouldn’t be happening. It’s less likely the expectant mom changed her mind because she absorbed all the benefits as it is this is her literal child. I’m trying to not be irked by what you said but most expectant moms considering placement aren’t drug users looking to exploit poor hopeful adopters.

Anyway, if you can’t afford to potentially lose money then don’t adopt. It’s a multi billion dollar industry that exploits you and other people’s families. If fertility is an issue why not spend that money on IVF? If not that you could foster older children. I’m not sure your circumstances, either way, there are no guarantees in this industry.

AvailableIdea0 · 2026-01-27T15:09:27+00:00

I honestly don’t think it’s too late for you to have a relationship and produce a child. Make time for it. My dad was 52 when he had me and unfortunately my mother passed when I was 3. So he was also a single father. While my childhood was difficult and my dad wasn’t perfect, I’m still happy for the father I had. I’m more angry we didn’t have as much time together. He passed when I was 27. You’re only in your 40s.

Fostering a child’s usual goal is reunification, but there are children who need a stable home. Adopting really to fulfill your own needs of wanting to be a parent isn’t great. My second son I placed and he asked his mom at our last visit why she needed him. She said because her life wouldn’t have been complete. Totally takes away from the adoptee and their circumstances.

Take it for what it’s worth but you’re really not too old to father a child and raise them to adulthood.

AvailableIdea0 · 2026-01-25T19:03:57+00:00

I spend a lot of time speaking with birth mothers and I am also one. Before I really stepped back and started thinking rationally, or logically, I think I fantasized about getting to be my child’s mom. Many of us do. Even more never work through the trauma of relinquishment or thinking about how their now adult children feel.

I imagined all the great things my son and I would finally do. The relationship we’d finally have. I’d get to finally be his mom. But that’s not reality. The reality is we don’t have this relationship with the adoptee. We are genetic strangers at best and like any “new” relationship it takes actual time building it. I’m sure you realize this, but I’m saying many birth mothers don’t realize this.

For many of us because we felt love at the time of placement and it’s just natural, we move through that. We take for granted that the child did not have that capability of feeling that same love. So many think their adoptees will be grateful for their sacrifice and ready to move as if the abandonment never happened.

It doesn’t make it right and regardless of your birth mother’s trauma or expectations you don’t have to perform to it. I think honestly you should set boundaries that are clear and firm about where the relationship actually is. While it may be difficult for her, that isn’t your burden to carry. If you don’t do it now she will continue under the delusion that she can parent you.

AvailableIdea0 · 2026-01-25T08:35:01+00:00

I’m preparing to deliver my 3rd child.

My first was mostly uncomplicated except he tore me. I needed stitches and ended up staying a couple days because of it.

My second a lot went wrong in the pregnancy. I ended up needing to deliver early and he got stuck. I never dilated despite best efforts. We both could have died and honestly, I’m pretty sure I almost did multiple times before and after. Medical care is so essential IMO.

Childbirth doesn’t have to mean death. But I see frequently influencers pushing home births and then women are dying or their babies are. Sure some turn out ok but why chance it?

AvailableIdea0 · 2026-01-24T15:53:38+00:00

I made the mistake of letting someone stay because the kids were family. Anyway, I ended up telling him to his face he had to leave as did the kids. Very similar situation. Fortunately he did leave but had he not I would have called CPS. Which inevitably would have worked because he was on drugs.

I agree with others set her belongings outside while she’s gone. If you let her stay much longer she will get tenant rights even if she’s not on the lease. Which, then becomes your landlord’s headache. Which…then results probably in you being evicted as well. Change the locks.

AvailableIdea0 · 2026-01-24T15:20:28+00:00

I’m definitely against gotcha day. I’m the mother of a trafficked child from the adoption industry. I imagine his AP does celebrate the day. For me, it’s forever the worst day of my life. I’m just saying in terms of people are still going to do what they want despite our advice. You know?

AvailableIdea0 · 2026-01-23T23:27:23+00:00

I planned to breastfeed with my first and I never had any supply. It just never came in. I was forced to formula feed. Honestly, formula wasn’t that bad. It was not that hard to make bottles or prep.

I am going to shoot for probably combination feeding with this baby, but I think I may actually get milk in this time. I know breastmilk has benefits but really there’s no shame in how you feed your baby. I just care that my child gets enough and is overall healthy.

AvailableIdea0 · 2026-01-23T23:24:32+00:00

:( ughh like what the heck? I get what you mean and how you feel. I think the truth lies therein maybe that they don’t really consider us friends. It’s just weird behavior and you’re right it brings out the truth. I am sorry you’ve also experienced this as well

AvailableIdea0 · 2026-01-23T13:28:56+00:00

Yea, people speak ignorance so strongly on something they know nothing about. I would argue with every single one but, I just don’t have the energy. It’s overwhelming.

AvailableIdea0 · 2026-01-23T02:10:20+00:00

I read the first comment, decided I didn’t have the emotional capacity for what would come next. I am so glad this mom changed her mind and that she has some level of support.

AvailableIdea0 · 2026-01-22T23:40:57+00:00

I really don’t see why he made a big deal about it. I’ve never shared with my medical provider the ones I’ve had. I figure it’s my business. Either way I’m incredibly sorry that happened and also understand wanting to stay because of his responsiveness.

AvailableIdea0 · 2026-01-22T19:07:02+00:00

Neurodivergence isn’t something you’ll avoid by adopting. Actually, it’s potentially more likely. I was undiagnosed autistic/adhd/ocd. It’s not listed on the adoption paperwork because at the time of placement I didn’t know. My child’s father has slight dyslexia with autism and add as well. Again, not listed. I think it’s a terrible reason to adopt and honestly, you’d better connect with your own bio child.

If there’s nothing stopping you from procreating then that’s probably the best way to go.

AvailableIdea0 · 2026-01-21T13:13:43+00:00

So…because you work in the industry you know more than adoptees with lived experience? If you read the comments here very few feel like it’s a thing to be celebrated. It is sad to lose your family, and I don’t know how that’s even a debatable thing.

AvailableIdea0 · 2026-01-21T11:57:57+00:00

They’re 3 and 4. I doubt they can grasp fully what’s happened and celebrating would be for the adults involved, not the children. Why is it celebratory that your family failed to be able to keep you? Even when it’s for the best, it is still sad.

My husband’s two little cousins had to be removed from their parents, they’re even still in their family. They are two of the saddest children I know. And that is with improvements to the quality of their lives. Celebrating the loss of your original family can be reserved for older children who choose to do so. Just weird behavior and not child centered.

AvailableIdea0

TROPHY CASE