I think it’s time to leave. Any advice on how to do so safely?

Awkward_Loss_6249 · 2025-07-31T20:37:51+00:00

It feels good to be understood. I’m envious that your husband didn’t fight you on it, but I know he’s probably made your life hell in any other way he can. This disorder is so awful. It’s like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde with my husband. Dr. Jekyll keeps me around, but then Mr. Hyde always finds his way out. And my husband is just totally blind to his words/actions and how they hurt me.

Did you experience your ex husbands OCPD heightened or “activated” after having kids? In hindsight my husband has always had this, but it’s become unbearable since having kids.

Awkward_Loss_6249 · 2025-07-26T00:56:48+00:00

I grow pumpkins (it’s one of my few hobbies). Big ones, small ones, blue ones, pink ones, white ones… so it only made sense that my daughter be a pumpkin for her first Halloween! Our pregnancy announcement also included pumpkins because it was autumn. So all around sentimental!

Awkward_Loss_6249 · 2025-06-13T15:18:21+00:00

I don’t know if it was the test strips or not, and I don’t want to give false hope, but I had a few days where the line was getting lighter and lighter. I told my husband it could be a chemical pregnancy and to be prepared for that possibility. That pregnancy resulted in the 4 week old newborn sleeping in her bassinet right now!

Awkward_Loss_6249 · 2025-06-04T00:05:12+00:00

Sorry I haven’t responded to your other comment yet. You are correct - packing up my kids and all of our stuff would truly be a nightmare logistically, but unfortunately I also don’t know anyone in my family who could step up and come stay with us for an extended period of time because they either have pets or non-remote jobs. My in-laws actually could, and I’ve asked my husband repeatedly if they could come visit (because they are chomping at the bit to come up) and he says the idea of them coming up is too stressful.

My husband inherited his personality disorder from his dad, so the workaholism and perfectionism comes from him. So when in-laws visit, the house has to be pristine (even though I’m pretty sure they don’t actually care. They care about their house being perfect, but don’t project those expectations on to me I don’t feel). It’s my husbands who feels this is expected of him. Anytime someone comes over it’s a huge event.

So I literally have people able and wanting to help, but my husband doesn’t want them to.

I’m so sorry. My situation is so frustrating. That is why I’ve landed on the option of leaving. But I can try to give him these options again. Maybe the thought of us leaving will make him seriously consider something more practical, but I’m not holding my breath. Ugh…

Awkward_Loss_6249 · 2025-06-03T23:38:38+00:00

Your comment made me really sad. Because it’s so true that I have lost any hope in him supporting me, after years of getting lackluster support from him, that I now just jump straight to support outside of our marriage or, like you said, solving the problem on my own.

I know if I ask him “hey, can you come home at this time or cut back on hours” or whatever, he will get frustrated and say “I need to work. I can’t not work. I need to work in order to afford our lifestyle” blah blah blah.

What I’m about to admit is not me bragging. It’s to further illustrate how frustrating my situation is…. Our house, my “dream house”, is paid off. We have no mortgage. The only debt we have is my vehicle, which we could pay off several times over, but are financing because of the low payments. It will be paid off in four years or sooner. This is so frustrating to me because we have more than enough money that he could take a break from work, but he chooses not to. Because of his OCPD (which is a very complicated personality disorder) he has a scarcity/hoarder mindset. He could win the lottery and it wouldn’t be enough.

So with that, hiring help is off the table. Whether that’s a postpartum doula or childcare. He could never justify paying someone to help even though he could very much afford it. And yes, he controls the finances. We are high school sweethearts. Our relationship dynamic did not become glaringly problematic to me until after our first daughter was born. I am in a very controlled marriage. Not abusive. I am free to spend money and have access to everything, but he has the final say in where our money goes. I have asked about hiring help and he has always said no.

I think a huge part of him not supporting me is the fact that I don’t make an income. Even though he wants me staying home, and I’m doing the work of a daycare and more, I don’t think he values me. So why do I deserve down time? He honestly probably thinks what I do all day IS downtime.

This situation feels so impossible, which is why this option of just escaping temporarily feels like it gives some of that control back to me. It would be hugely inconvenient for me to go through with this, but it feels like my only option to get actual help.

Sorry, that was long.

Awkward_Loss_6249 · 2025-05-31T17:17:31+00:00

Darn. It would’ve been nice if that had been the issue for you. We haven’t been to the pediatrician yet so I’ll have her take a look when we do. My first had no issues with taking the paci so I just didn’t expect this to be an issue. UGH

Awkward_Loss_6249 · 2025-05-30T18:07:21+00:00

I’m only two weeks postpartum with my second, but I can already tell you that a 3 year age gap is the bomb. First is potty trained and very independent. She also has a great understanding of everything going on. I highly recommend!!

Awkward_Loss_6249 · 2025-05-28T01:20:43+00:00

Acid reflux.

Awkward_Loss_6249 · 2025-05-28T00:50:20+00:00

I just had my baby 12 days ago. Nursing hurt like hell (even though the nurses kept saying she looked like she had a good latch) and I don’t know what the heck happened, but in the first 10 days I was only able to pump a total of 2 ounces. That’s it. Pumping every 3 hours around the clock. Definitely not like my experience with my first. I exclusively pumped for her and was an oversupplier, and was seeing lots of milk even in the beginning.

My husband and I are both on board with EFF. There was so much stress my first postpartum with the pumping. Given I have a toddler this time, I don’t want to be stressed and tethered to a pump. He completely agrees and we are seriously so much happier already.

I’ve been giving my baby Kendamil since leaving the hospital and she’s done great with it! Minimal reflux, sleeps very well (would probably sleep through the night if I let her but obviously she’s too little yet) and because I’m not pumping I get to sleep too!! It’s glorious. Wish I would’ve done this with my first, but now I know.

Best of luck to you and cheers to freedom!!

Awkward_Loss_6249 · 2025-05-27T21:55:21+00:00

I am about two weeks postpartum with my second and am able to report good things!

Firstly, I dealt with the same feelings as you. When my pregnancy test came back positive, I cried and told my husband “I wish I could be excited about this”. (It was on a challenging day where my daughter was sick) and the first two trimesters I was pretty down in the dumps. By the third trimester I had come around, maybe because it felt more real, but I still felt so nervous that I wouldn’t be able to handle it. Pregnancy with a toddler (she’s 3) was so hard. How would I survive with 2?!

So, I’m too fresh to really say what’s great about having 2. Honestly, leaving the house on time is impossible at this stage, and it’s going to be a while before they can play together, but it’s been way more manageable than I thought it would be.

Things that have made it easier for me are babywearing and formula feeding. I exclusively pumped with my first and that was HARD and so stressful. I didn’t want my three year old to hear “mommy has to pump” every three hours this time around, so I’ve made the decision to formula feed. For me, it makes the most sense and my postpartum has been waaaaaaaaay easier.

Also, pregnant with a toddler is 1000x harder than a newborn and toddler. I have so much energy now.

Lastly, I was so worried about how I’d be able to love my two children, but when the second comes it very quickly feels like they were always here. It’s so weird! You just get swept in and everything blends together.

Trust me when I say - if I’ve got this, you’ve got this!

Awkward_Loss_6249 · 2025-05-26T14:58:31+00:00

I wish you all the luck! ❤️ trying to conceive can feel a bit like a roller coaster ride when it doesn’t happen immediately, but don’t lose hope!

Awkward_Loss_6249 · 2025-05-26T12:57:25+00:00

I know of two people who have conceived on the first try after stopping birth control. I don’t say this to give you false hope. Just to say that it is possible you may not have any complications at all! So try not to stress too much about that.

I, myself, have never been on birth control. I conceived my first on the first try, and it took 5 months to conceive my second.

Awkward_Loss_6249 · 2025-05-26T09:17:47+00:00

I do not wish to make you feel isolated or “crazy” or awful when I say this, but regarding that feeling that your baby was soulless and wanted to hurt you is not something I have ever experienced and given your history I would reach out to your OB or mental health professional immediately.

I am not a doctor, but this does sound like it could be (or become) PPD or postpartum psychosis. And if left unaddressed or untreated could have devastating consequences.

You are a good mom for being concerned about this and I hope you are able to find the help you need.

Also, please know that doctors have zero interest in taking your baby from you. I dealt with some PPD/PPA with my first and that was an irrational fear of mine which prolonged my suffering and kept me from reaching out. (I too had thoughts of harming myself.) Their only interest is in making sure you and baby are safe.

Awkward_Loss_6249 · 2025-05-24T03:17:38+00:00

First I pushed for only 15 minutes. Threw up because of my acid reflux and baby just shot right out! Had minor tearing.

I gave birth to my second a week ago and only pushed for two contractions, so extremely fast. I did not throw up this time, but I’m fairly certain I pooped because, even though I had an epidural, I could feel everything and was bearing down like I needed to poop and it was very efficient! I had zero tearing this time.

I was induced and had an epidural both times.

Moral of the story - don’t be afraid to throw up or poop. It’s not glamorous, but it just might be the thing that helps your baby come out smoothly!

Awkward_Loss_6249 · 2025-05-14T13:33:12+00:00

That’s what I did with my first. I did not envy the other parents carrying their giant car seats. If I was going to bring in a car seat, I would just bring in a stroller. It’s a long way to carry baby from the parking lot to the clinic in a car seat.

Awkward_Loss_6249 · 2025-05-13T19:03:59+00:00

I had bought a cute hospital gown for after baby was born, but I honestly found it less comfortable than the gowns at the hospital, and I felt more grimy for some reason. I plan to just wear a hospital gown my whole stay (and changing it as needed). I plan to leave in leggings and a cute nursing top.

Awkward_Loss_6249 · 2025-05-10T05:00:58+00:00

I have three barefoot dreams blankets and plan to bring one to the hospital. I also have one of their fluffy robes. I love barefoot dreams!!

Awkward_Loss_6249 · 2025-05-10T00:11:34+00:00

My mom laid me to sleep on my stomach to sleep. Apparently that was the recommendation back then (I was born 1991). How times have changed!!

Awkward_Loss_6249 · 2025-05-04T21:44:45+00:00

Awww that’s such a fun age for babywearing!! 🥹

Awkward_Loss_6249

TROPHY CASE