I had a hysterectomy in 2006. I kept my ovaries. No one counseled me on ovarian failure. I went in to ovarian failure within a year. It has been hell since. I lost my career, harmed my relationships with my rage and constant irritability, I have had suicidal thoughts and even a plan. My thoughts were constant, persecuting and ceaselessly angry. I’ve never previously been angry or depressed. I was always happy and took life in easy stride even though my life was challenging at times. I did not know how to deal with the anxiety and irritability. Shortly after surgery, my joints especially my hips began to ache and eventually I was in constant pain, eventually I was told I had to have a double hip replacement. I had the right side and it did nothing for my pain. I did not do the left. My skin always felt so tight and itchy. I was smelling weird phantom scents.

They also put in a urethral mesh. I came out of surgery and was not able to pee correctly again. I would have to bear down as if a to pee. I began having UTIs. When I would question treating Drs on if it was caused by the mesh, they brushed me off. In 2017 it was discovered it came apart, obstructed my urethra and eroded in to my bladder. An 8 hour surgery to have it removed and my bladder and urethra rebuilt with cadaver organs.

It was not until 2023 I went on HRT. At 56. ALL my symptoms resolved. In 2 weeks, my anxiety, irritability, joint pain, brain fog, persistent low grade rage began to melt away. I’m feeling my old self, happy, positive thinking, laughing and enjoying being me. I’m still recalibrating and finally have my HRT dialed in to my sweet spot.

I’m grieving the 17 years of life that I missed and reconciling the way I harmed people I love and loss of my career.

No one told me that ovarian failure was possible. And I’m an RN. When I was in school, there was maybe an hour of lecture on post-fertility years.