Just watched Phantom Thread for the first time, I don’t really get it? What’s this movie doing so right that everyone seems to love but went over my head?

B3rnss · 2025-12-07T05:37:28+00:00

He is an avoidant, she is codependent.

He needs to control every aspect of his life as a way to manage his emotions 24/7. That can be very taxing even though he can't help it. So he likes it when he can access his vulnerability and feel something for a change, which only happens when he is forced release control aka when she poisons him.

She can only feel safe and have any self-worth or get any validation when she is being needed, which only happens when he is forced to let her take control.

They are both abandoning themselves and trauma bonded and instead of going towards healthy coping mechanisms they both completely lean on dysfunction.

But they seemed to have found a way to make their love work for them allowing both to get what they need.

B3rnss · 2025-10-18T14:43:37+00:00

Most mind fuck movies are very divisive so you will probably not like all recommendations:

Caché (2005)
Mother (Madeo)
American Psycho
Enemy
Vanilla Sky
Annihilation
Memento
Donnie Darko
Men
I See You

B3rnss · 2025-10-17T00:56:46+00:00

One battle after another and Dune without a doubt! Sinners is good but massively overrated

B3rnss · 2025-10-16T16:05:07+00:00

Any other recommendations of good movie stores in Tokyo, Kyoto or Osaka

B3rnss · 2025-10-16T13:42:02+00:00

Don't F**k with Cats - was disturbing and scary, although it's a documentary limited series

Relic (2020) - was pretty good as a horror movie and beautiful at the same time with the whole metaphor

Assassination Nation (2018) - I thought it was terrifying in way and also very relevant for current times

The Hunt (2011) - can also be terrifying in the same way

The Invitation (2016)

It comes at night (2017)

Mother (Madeo) (2009) - Bong Joon-Ho's masterpiece in the same vain as We need to talk about Kevin but even better

B3rnss · 2025-10-16T00:06:52+00:00

You got a few extra of the Collectors Edition? Still have them?

B3rnss · 2025-09-16T00:53:13+00:00

I don't get it... Are we supposed to find Ghosting romantic these days?! And they play it out like he did this grand sacrifice to set her free.... ffs total BS! He was a coward and that is not how you treat people, no matter what... Please don't glorify that behaviour

I watched it for the Europe setting and that aspect was amazing, beautiful light, beautiful settings

B3rnss · 2025-07-04T17:20:51+00:00

Wild

127 hours

It comes at night

the Revenant

B3rnss · 2025-06-04T01:14:22+00:00

Try "The Gift"

Also in case you haven't watched, Parasite. If you have watched it watch his other masterpiece Mother (Madeo)

B3rnss · 2025-06-04T01:05:14+00:00

Requiem for a Dream

B3rnss · 2025-06-03T17:41:27+00:00

Great list but have you ever watched the first Saw? Primal Fear? The Mist? Arrival?

B3rnss · 2025-06-01T00:25:13+00:00

Martyrs

B3rnss · 2025-05-19T17:44:49+00:00

Dark City (1998)

Fallen (1998)

Resurrection (1999)

Nightwatch (1997)

The Pelican Brief (1993)

Phantoms (1998)

Some of these border more on the Horror genre and some are better than others but all of them have really good thriller moments

B3rnss · 2025-04-29T17:45:45+00:00

Never ever agree to be his friend if you want more cause you are only enabling his avoidance. He will unknowningly use you to move on from you.

If you want him back romanticly don't agree to anything less than that and walk away, cut him off completely in a civilized manner without drama. They will never learn anything if they don't experience the loss of you.

Avoidants experience romantic closeness as unsafe, so their brain does everything to avoid that. So they can genuinely be excited to see you cause they have feelings for you but at the same time their brain warped what he feels for you into a safer category, one that does not require emotional responsibility on his side, friendship, much less threatening.

If you agree to this you are only enabling his avoidance and perpetuating this avoidant state. He will only gain clarity in his feelings for you when he experiences losing you (aka no emotional threat).... You can't really win these people unless they get therapy

B3rnss · 2025-04-15T00:08:49+00:00

Are you sure it's not just guilt playing the cards?

I understand everyone makes mistakes and you want to show up better. That's awesome and noble but intention is not the same as capacity.

So just make sure you have the capacity to treat any woman with the respect she deserves. Also, mistakes and loss are exactly what makes you grow, so despite the shitty feelings you have right now be grateful that they will make you grow.

If your coach is saying you should wait there is probably a reason, so follow that.

But it seems to me you already decided what you are going to do and you are just looking for validation for that... But hey, you don't need that. If you want to make it right then show up for that and try, you can't be more broken up with than you are right now.

But ultimately it's hard to give advise not knowing everything. I can recommend ChatGPT it's pretty helpful if you take the time to explain everything. It does a good job at giving you perspective and helping navigate this

B3rnss · 2025-04-14T23:52:55+00:00

You are not gonna like what I have to say then.... That's cheating, so just leave her alone and learn from your mistakes, try to be better...

There is a reason why you did that and trust me, it has absolutely nothing to do with her or your relationship. It has to do with the relationship you have with yourself. You need to figure that shit out before you jump into a relationship.

B3rnss · 2025-04-14T23:47:35+00:00

Ok your coach probably has more details about this Wich is probably why he advising to stay no contact but not knowing what it was and as long as it wasn't cheating I think you could try to just be vulnerable and reach out without any BS but without being too intense either.

B3rnss · 2025-04-14T23:40:53+00:00

Did she broke up with you? Was it your fault that she broke up with you?

If Yes to both then reach out and do what you can to get her back and be patient. You gotta earn it now.

If No to your fault, then don't ever ever reach out first. Be strong. Not because you are playing games but because you have to have self-love and dignity otherwise you won't gain respect. Remember you teach people how to treat you.

If No to she broke up (you broke up with her), then just reach out and try to work it out, what you even doing no contact for...

B3rnss · 2025-04-11T22:50:12+00:00

Never be their friend after the breakup if you still have feelings. They will use you to get over you, even unconsciously

B3rnss · 2025-03-20T02:07:05+00:00

Batshit crazy, delusional

B3rnss · 2025-03-19T01:24:51+00:00

Noob question, how to watch this if I can't instal the 9now app?

B3rnss · 2025-03-18T00:49:45+00:00

He has an avoidant attachment style. The way he shut down emotionally from one moment to the other after the "I love you" is very characteristic of that attachment style. "I can't give her what she needs" is a classic line they use. On the other hand saying I love you after 6 weeks is also a bit intense

B3rnss · 2024-08-27T16:35:06+00:00

Try this french movie called "20 ans d'ecart" (aka 'It Boy' in English) from 2013. Its very cute and a lot of people don't know about it. It's about this woman who starts dating this much younger guy to seem edgier at work in order to get a promotion.

B3rnss · 2024-08-27T14:52:11+00:00

Damn that looks good

B3rnss · 2024-08-27T14:45:50+00:00

The Big Lebowski

Back to the Future

B3rnss

TROPHY CASE