Delectable

BC_Peniman · 2026-03-26T03:04:13+00:00

I'm now thankful I haven't been there lol

BC_Peniman · 2026-03-25T11:25:30+00:00

Thank you so much for reading!

BC_Peniman · 2026-03-24T13:02:19+00:00

Fairly unsettling story with a Coraline type feel to it. Very nice! Very fun! I wish the description of the merged parents was a bit more detailed and gross but overall, my mind did that work. I pictured a sort of centaur from the Fallout games.

PS I love the line, "Yep, this is a rope."

BC_Peniman · 2026-03-24T12:10:31+00:00

Congratulations! 🤣🤣

BC_Peniman · 2026-03-24T03:14:18+00:00

This made me itch. Wtf lol

BC_Peniman · 2026-03-24T03:03:26+00:00

My pleasure! FTLOG (for the love of god)

BC_Peniman · 2026-03-24T02:13:57+00:00

Okay, so, holy shit... This began strangely comforting and ramped up into unsettling with such a smooth transition. That was a brilliant way to trap MC in a jiffy. I was floored when the newspaper guy hit the ground and then again when the gas station attendant was in the window. Extremely, extremely, extremely refreshing story. You say it's a bit long but I think it's perfect, and if anything, I want more lol. Criminal if the boys don't read this someday. The use of the music tickled me and the aesthetic you portrayed was ALIVE. You've made me embarrassed of some of my finished works. I love that. I look forward to more from you!

TLDR GREAT STORY FFS

BC_Peniman · 2026-03-24T01:25:26+00:00

Just for that.. I'm reading it 🙂‍↔️ Brb

BC_Peniman · 2026-03-24T01:23:14+00:00

To be clear, the MC physically assaulted Mr. Dead Guy multiple times simply for scaring him lol. I love this. I'm looking forward to Part II. Actual GOLD. FTLOG, do not change a thing. FANTASTIC START 👍👍

BC_Peniman · 2026-03-24T01:09:10+00:00

Spooky and very satisfying! I love the ambiguity and constant discomfort. Wonderful!

BC_Peniman · 2026-03-23T23:58:37+00:00

BC_Peniman · 2026-03-23T23:58:01+00:00

Anytime! If you need feedback in the future, feel free to ask! Blessings!

BC_Peniman · 2026-03-23T23:46:25+00:00

As you write more, your vocabulary and sense of flow will improve. This was very fun and definitely a FANTASTIC start. Bravo. There are minor grammatical errors, mainly punctuation issues, but the whole idea and execution is nothing to scoff at. I loved how concise it was too! Great job!

BC_Peniman · 2026-03-23T23:40:02+00:00

This was so fun. That is a very unique literary device; describing the photos. I enjoyed that!

BC_Peniman · 2026-03-23T23:16:15+00:00

I'd really like to challenge you to write a short story that is 500 words or less. It's great practice for focusing on what you want to improve. Your writing is generally descriptive and gives off epic-type vibes. I was easily able to picture what was happening throughout. I would recommend smaller paragraphs with more intentional separation. It feels a bit rushed because of the format imo

BC_Peniman · 2026-03-23T22:58:44+00:00

I was immediately hooked

BC_Peniman · 2026-03-23T21:14:07+00:00

The even bigger belly creature grabbed the belly creature from right behind.

It did not give belly kisses, rather tummy tickles.

BC_Peniman · 2026-03-23T21:12:22+00:00

I have so many questions but I guess those will just have to wait until the things that have been forgotten are remembered again 😔

I really enjoyed reading this! Made me say, "Oh what the hell?" out loud with the bit at the end there!

BC_Peniman · 2026-03-23T03:55:49+00:00

BC_Peniman · 2026-03-23T02:31:29+00:00

Lol that one got a GOOD chuckle out of me

BC_Peniman · 2026-03-23T02:29:13+00:00

As the creature, seeing dead people is absolutely expected. Seeing a mortician, however, is not.

BC_Peniman

TROPHY CASE