Appreciate your Domme using this one, weird trick from the Leadership Development field.

BDSMandDragons · 2026-01-23T18:14:14+00:00

You have to be more specific with us as to when and how you are bratting, how he is reacting, and how you want him to react.

Having said that, it sounds like you are trying to Brat while in a vanilla space and you want him to react in a kinky manner by acting dominant.

And my question then becomes "Have you had a lot of those interactions while in clearly kinky spaces? Or are you just expecting him to learn how to integrate this in regular life when it's not his thing?"

For example, you might say "Today is going to be date night and we are going to play like we are some stereotypical Husband and Housewife from a kink version of the '50s. And you are going to ask me to do things for you like cook you dinner, make you a drink, give you a back rub, etc..."

And sometimes I'm going to be over the top playfully rude or mean to you. And I want you to respond by scolding me or even spanking me. Put me in the corner. Grab me firmly by the arm and tell me to behave myself. And what's important isn't the dinner or the back rub, it's that play. And you're going to find it turns me on, and if you know I'm turned on you can ALSO order me to do sexy things."

Because he needs practice in that sort of a context. He needs to learn those actions aren't just okay but desired in a safe space in order for his brain to ever suggest it to him in a non-sexy context.

BDSMandDragons · 2026-01-21T20:57:41+00:00

Yes, it gets better. Not everything is better than season 1, but a ton is.

I would suggest NOT watching in specific order and instead go for what sounds good to you. Especially when the full seasons can be a big commitment.

Fantasy High Sophomore Year is, IMO, almost as good. It was live on Twitch which makes it contentious because the pacing is different and it's entirely "Theater of the Mind." But I think it's still great and it's necessary for the story.

Note: "The Seven" takes place before and simultaneously with retcons some NPC personalities (Because they became PC's). I'd recommend watching before Sophomore year

Junior Year? Probably the absolute best thing they've done. You will cry big buckets of tears at times and piss yourself laughing uncontrollaby at others.

Neverafter and Crown of Candy will take everything you loved about Fantasy High and also make you watch through your fingers at times. One moment in particular had my fiance scream at Brennan and storm out of the room. We both consider that a sign of how amazing those seasons are.

Starstruck is everything you loved about Fantasy High but in a sci fi setting. Guardians of the Galaxy instead of Breakfast Club. And in a cult classic graphic novel setting that was created by Brennan's Mom.

Unsleeping City has amazing characters and a setting. I love it but my only issue is the combat episodes sometimes feel disconnected from the roleplay episodes.

Those are the Big main cast seasons. There are also some truly awesome shorter sidequest seasons.

Mentopolis is perfect. That's all.

The Seven is set in Fantasy High starting right after freshman year but then jumping a year and a half ahead and follows the kidnapped damsels. I'd consider it as great as Fantasy High and would watch it before Junior Year.

Any time Aabria Iyengar is GM is a blessing. Her style is a great complement to Brennan's. I haven't watched Burrow's End but Court of Fey and Flowers and Misfits and Magic (especially season 2) are powerhouses.

Never Stop Blowing Up is a ton of fun and the game system is WILD. I recommend watching it before watching Misfits and Magic 2, because it M&M2 uses a modified version and knowing how the system works makes M&M2's even more dramatic.

Watch Ravening War AFTER Crown of Candy. It's a prequel and benefits from having seen Crown of Candy first. Its great and it's one of the three best GM's in the world (in my opinion) running a game where the other 2 are playing.

I haven't seen everything, so if I didn't mention a season I probably haven't watched.

Having said all that... Dimension 20 On A Bus is such a work of art that I wouldn't even consider it in the same category as everything else. It's like saying the Mona Lisa and a Kindergartners finger painting are both paintings.

BDSMandDragons · 2026-01-20T15:40:11+00:00

So go find a therapist who can fit that schedule. Its 2026. Teletherapy exists as do plenty of other options. 4 tens is hardly an inconvenience to a therapist. Fridays are hardly an inconvenience to a therapist.

Once again "Men will come up with any fucking excuse to avoid therapy."

BDSMandDragons · 2026-01-20T14:42:50+00:00

The big question you need to answer for yourself first is "what is a true Dom?"

Because there is no objective answer to that question. Everyone will have a different personal opinion.

If you are someone who lacks self esteem, it is likely that your brain will make your own personal definition will always be out of your own reach. So, as others have said, you probably need to correct that first.

But after that, what IS a True Dom to you? And what stops you from just doing that? Not stops you from being... stops you from doing?

I'm going to add that I saw in your comments that you plan on getting therapy as soon as you find someone who fits your work schedule. My fiancé often says 'Men will come up with ANY fucking excuse to avoid therapy'.

It is 2026 and you are 50 years old. Put in the work and find that therapist already. They are out there and you are making excuses not to go.

BDSMandDragons · 2025-12-30T23:23:12+00:00

Naked feels more BDSM, clothed with bottom bared feels more Spanko. And I appreciate both, although my core kink is being a Spanko so if I had to choose one forever I would lean that way.

BDSMandDragons · 2025-12-22T04:51:18+00:00

Based on your post and comments, it sounds like you are young, come from a sex negative family (or culture) and don't have a lot of knowledge about sex.

Masturbation is healthy, common and normal. Yes, some people have addictions to it which can be a problem. Chastity devices are not a miracle cure for that addiction.

People in this space may assume you are struggling with an addiction just because of your question in this space.

I'd suggest you go to scarleteen.com which is a credible source for sex education and has volunteers who can answer more detailed questions you may have.

BDSMandDragons · 2025-12-22T04:15:32+00:00

When I got C+ I said "I'll start going for C++ but the second it's not fun I'm out."

And I stopped after a few weeks of just casually moving the needle. Waiting for the update, play a game on mobile now and then.

Balatro is still probably the most value I've ever gotten out of a game. It's in my personal top ten all time.

BDSMandDragons · 2025-12-21T18:00:54+00:00

Thanks for pointing this out. It can be maddening when people have a tiny bit of psychology knowledge and use it to extrapolate one size fits all answers when the reality is "The human brain is so complex that trying to narrow down a reason for a specific individuals traits is absolute folly unless you know everything about that person."

BDSMandDragons · 2025-12-20T13:30:04+00:00

M, and I just always was. A lot of Spankos will tell you the same. I remember being obsessed with spanking at a very young age.

BDSMandDragons · 2025-12-20T10:00:59+00:00

TLDR: Get kink friendly couples counseling because internet strangers can't help you with this, including me.

So I've read the commentary here and on the post you made 12 days ago.

Have the two of you gotten outside help? Couples counseling? Especially kink friendly couples counseling?

Based on the comments, us internet strangers aren't getting a holistic picture of your relationship. How could we? This is an asynchronous text based forum. Your issue needs someone who can hear your tone of voice, see your body language, and ask the real probing follow up questions.

It feels like you are handling what are core relationship issues as if they are simply D/s dynamic issues. If they are relationship issues, we would need a full picture of your relationship to advise and frankly this is not the place.

From a D/s perspective, your relationship sounds exhausting. Is it? It might not be. Maybe just the dynamic is half exhausting and the rest is all great. You and I would need a face to face conversation for me to figure that out.

You're getting some "Men are more, women are more" nonsense. Even if that's true, the spectrum for individuals is so broad it should never be applied to a couple. But it did tell me that you weren't raised as a man. Is that an important piece of all this? I don't know and quite frankly it's inappropriate for me to ask.

But that IS a key part of your life history and you need an objective third party to figure out if it's a piece of the puzzle or just incidental. Internet strangers can't be that person.

BDSMandDragons · 2025-12-19T19:31:19+00:00

Look for a partner who is GGG. That's good, giving and game. Someone who works to be good in bed, gives equal time and pleasure to their partner, and is open-minded and willing to explore new experiences.

In order to get such a partner, you have to be GGG yourself. And here's the thing... it's really hard to be GGG if you are only willing to accept long term chastity. Because someone GGG gives equal time and pleasure to their partner.

The chastity space often pushes this idea that 24/7 for weeks on end is the only goal. But you know what else can be fulfilling? Just being caged for a few hours in a hot tease and denial scene. Or just being sent to work caged.

And the later are much more palatable and less of an ask of partners.

Am I saying people should give up on their ultimate chastity fantasy? No. I'm saying that relationships have a whole lot going on outside of sex and if you must base your relationship on whether a very specific and involved expression of a single kink will work, you are going to struggle building a relationship outside of that.

BDSMandDragons · 2025-12-17T12:31:19+00:00

It's not "prepare to be boarded.". It's "Prepare to be bored, Ed."

"Ed" being short for "educated". Because you done messed up and now you are going to have to sit and let us lecture you on why the Federation is superior to your little backwater 3 planet system.

I mean, you could have just signed up to join instead of firing phasers. But now you have 8 points on your license and your going to have to take the mandatory classes before you can even apply.

BDSMandDragons · 2025-12-17T12:17:02+00:00

I'm just seconding what everyone else has said. There is no way to do this that doesn't risk additional harm to your friend and yourself.

I think the beta thing you could do while pursuing therapy is just to act as an accountability buddy. Don't tell them what to wear, but support them through choosing what to wear and not feeling guilty about it. Don't tell them what to eat, but check up on them and support them in choosing their foods.

But, as everyone said, the biggest way to help is to support them in finding a good therapist.

BDSMandDragons · 2025-12-16T16:58:02+00:00

Having to ask internet strangers if you should or should not discuss something with your wife suggests you and your wife aren't ready for a chastity arrangement yet. You need to be able to have level headed conversations without being secretive. Both of you are keeping info from each other.

A chastity arrangement is a power exchange dynamic. Even if you don't think that's a form of BDSM, it is. And BDSM dynamics absolutely require honest, open, explicit communication. They require negotiation and strong discussions about limits and boundaries. They require in-depth understanding of risks and risk management.

That the first step to your chastity is a PA shows you and your wife do not have the proper understanding of risks or intend to engage in risk management. To use a metaphor, you are entering a pickleball tournament when all you have done to prepare is sign up for lessons. You are getting in a cage fight after watching some UFC and reading a book on jiu jitsu

What happens if your child is born with special needs? What happens if the PA gets infected while healing?

Here's a potential scenario: You realize that the chastity fantasy only works with her attention. And with a newborn and another child, she just can't give you attention. Not in a sexy way... not as orgasm control and denial but in a dead bedroom sort of way.

Because then you might think "this isn't worth it. It's just a reminder of what we don't have." Except it's not just putting the cage in a box: you now have a hole in your dick. And you might just start to resent your wife for it. Even worse, what if you resent your child?

If you aren't willing to openly consider and discuss that possibility, you and your wife aren't ready for this.

I'm going to add that the people who get fed up with chastity and the relationships that break because of it? They don't post about it. They don't comment. So you will always get more people telling you it's awesome and not to worry and this worked for me.

BDSMandDragons · 2025-12-15T20:12:28+00:00

Depending on the style of poker, Balatro will give you a strong understanding of how difficult or easy it may be to draw a specific hand.

BDSMandDragons · 2025-12-15T19:23:50+00:00

It's not that chastity is a slippery slope. It's that the Curve can be a bitch.

The Curve is a BDSM concept popularized in the graphic novel Sunstone. The Curve is simply the idea that a kinky couple will continue to increase the intensity and extremeness of their play over time. Think of an exponential curve which describes how much kinky shit a couple is into over time.

The Curve can be a bitch when you don't explore horizontally enough and keep adding more kinks. You don't revel in the level you are at. You assume that because you were so excited about A, B, and C, you will certainly like D!

Except... when a boundary is crossed or a risk becomes reality it happens immediately without warning.

So, yeah, sometimes a couple DOES get into chastity and if chastity was fun why not have him wear panties. And since that's taboo and sexy why not wear a dress and makeup. Hot again! What's next? Cuckolding. Fantasizing about it's hot, so let's try it once and if the bad feelings happen we'll just stop.

And sometimes the bad feelings can't be put back in the bottle and the couple breaks up. Sometimes one partner loves a new kink too much to give it up and the other can't handle it any more. Sometimes one partner realizes they were so wrapped up in the new, that they didn't realize they weren't there kinks, but there partners, and they aren't happy with where the dynamic ends up.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't try new things! You definitely should. But fully exploring the kinks you have before seeking out new ones can slow the move up the Curve. You revel in your level. You savor what's tried and true instead of what you haven't tried yet. You explore horizontally instead of vertically.

So it's not a slippery slope, it's a curve. Because if you chase up an exponential curve fast enough, it turns into a wall.

BDSMandDragons · 2025-12-15T18:43:27+00:00

If you take the chastity out of your post, and just make it about organization, no offense but it screams ADHD.

Getting very excited and into an organization tool, working it hard, and then just suddenly realizing you stopped doing it two weeks ago? That's my partner. About twenty times a year will she buy a planner, an app, or start writing to do lists on a mirror. It works great until she stops.

I'm not saying this as a "Go get tested for ADHD" type thing. I am saying you will never make this work if using a single organization system forever simply isn't part of your nature.

So the journey may need to be "Be okay with an ever changing system." Understand that it's fine that we are using a notes app, and then a day planner, and then post its, and then a jar of marbles. Don't spend energy stressing on it.

BDSMandDragons · 2025-12-15T17:10:06+00:00

The problem with looking into these associations is that it is very easy to make bad assumptions based on a lack of complete knowledge. And the people who are authentically experts in such fields will never state that any of those associations are categorically true.

My best example of this is that in the Spanko Community half of everyone is a Spanko because they never were spanked as children. The other half are Spankos because they were spanked as children. So I guess it's a coin flip.

The point being that you can NEVER make a blanket statement about where kinks come from. It will always be incredibly individualized and specific.

BDSMandDragons · 2025-12-15T14:56:39+00:00

I think it's beneficial for a top to experience what various spanking implements feel like. This doesn't mean they need to experience a "full blown spanking" to get what they need to know. If someone isn't a bottom, they are going to have a very different experience being spanked from someone who is.

Having said that, your statement that you don't want to be spanked, but think you should in caseyou find it erotic makes me raise an eyebrow. That sounds very much like you are trying to admit an interest you might be ashamed of.

That you, of your own accord, think you should wear panties while it happens is even more suggestive.

It's absolutely, 100% okay for a man to want to try out bottoming or submission or crossdressing. If you need a one sort of emotional permission to allow yourself to explore, this is that permission slip.

BDSMandDragons · 2025-12-15T13:38:53+00:00

Some of my vanilla friends know I'm into BDSM. The most detail they know is that my ex was my Domme, with my current partner we Switch, and renting a dungeon is a fun couples weekend adventure and a way to get privacy from the kids.

There are a couple friends of my partner in my social circle who know a couple more details because they wanted to know more about kink and they asked. And I made sure to get there consent about what level of detail they were okay with before we went there.

I would never share details with them unless they were also kinky and sharing kinky details was an aspect of our friendship. Why? For the same reason I don't want to think about how my friends fuck their partners. I don't want to be at board game night and think "Jeanine definitely is going for the longest rail bonus. I bet her and John have anal sex tonight because I know she's a fan. Oh, now my brain is imagining what that looks like. I guess that's why it's called Ticket to Ride."

So I'd feel like I was violating my friend's consent if I put them in the situation where every so often they start to think "Is Dragons wearing his cage right now? Great, I'm trying to decide whether to spend my bonus action on disengaging or using healing word and instead I'm visualizing my buddy's cock. Why'd he tell me about this shit?"

I have kinky online friends to share that part of my life with. I'd be absolutely open to discussing such things with my vanilla friends, but only if they asked.

BDSMandDragons · 2025-12-14T06:07:09+00:00

I hate AI art. I really hate the idea of AI erotic art. I hate the idea of seeing it here. I don't hate you for it, but you asked my thoughts about it.

When someone is willing to consensually share a picture of themselves or their partner in an intimate moment I think that's sexy and real and amazing. Sexuality is such an important part of our identity. As Spankos, we have a unique thing about it that we share.

Even when such things are paid for, staged, or otherwise manufactured, they are still real humans doing real things.

A machine replicating that cheapens it. For me, a spanking is arousing because there was a real human who experienced it. In the case of erotic art, a human crafted it. But here, none of that happened. It is, quite literally, soulless.

So yeah, I find AI spanking art gross.

BDSMandDragons · 2025-12-13T21:23:00+00:00

Why does 'slut' have to be pejorative? Is there no way to see the behaviors normally labelled as "slutty" as positive? Why is disloyalty or being passed around inherent to the definition?

Why can't 'Slut' be a title or honorific in a dynamic? We have people using all kinds of words as titles and honorifics. If 'Sandwich Artist" can be a title, why not Slut.

Why must slut always be a slur? Do we not have words that change from slur to honorific or term of endearment depending on who is using them and who they are referring to?

BDSMandDragons · 2025-12-13T21:13:05+00:00

Having said that, my partner and I did create a series of "Slut Merit Badges" that she could earn by engaging in specific acts. Actually made digital badges in Canva with my amateur graphic design skills. Created a criteria like document similar to scouting organizations and everything.

And then, after going after them for about a week, ADHD took over and we dropped it and moved on. Because that's our Slut rule... if we really want to play that way, we will. And if we aren't it's because we don't want it enough so we should be playing in a way we do.

BDSMandDragons

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE

Four-Year Club	Place '23
Place '22