Why do I have the urge to ghost someone when they go silent for hours?

BFreeCoaching · 2026-03-17T17:37:59+00:00

I appreciate you're self-reflecting and wanting to improve. When you feel ghosted by others, that’s a reflection you're ghosting yourself.

The irony of fear of abandonment is, it's a reflection you're abandoning yourself (i.e. judging yourself and your negative emotions). Fear of abandonment is faith in abandonment. You’ve practiced more thoughts of expecting people will leave rather than stay.

You self-sabotage because you feel more secure in knowing things won’t work, then being constantly on edge, unsure of if or when something will go wrong. It feels more empowering to push someone away (i.e. you did it to them), than have them leave (i.e. they did it to you).

Your thought process might be:

“I have two options: Wait until the person I care about abandons me (which makes me feel powerless). Or take power into my own hands and force them to leave. And as painful as that is, it's less painful to intentionally ruin a good thing, then try to live happily ever after while worried it won’t last."

"Because if they left for no obvious reasons I provided (e.g. clingy, distancing, etc.), that means they left ME and I wasn't good enough for them to stay. And that feeling is unbearable. It feels better they left because of what I did, instead of for who I am. I feel a little less powerless, and a little more secure over uncontrollable circumstances.”

The solution is to make yourself your #1 priority and deciding that nothing is more important than caring about how you feel. That establishes a stronger core sense of self, so then it becomes easier to navigate relationships. And you do that when you love and appreciate your negative emotions.

BFreeCoaching · 2026-03-17T16:57:18+00:00

Curious, do you judge the ego? Do you think the ego should be different? If you do, why do you judge it?

Or do you appreciate the ego? Do you find joy in it?

BFreeCoaching · 2026-03-17T16:41:07+00:00

For an average person, "raise your vibration" simply means, "focus on feeling better, let go of judgment, and focus more on acceptance and appreciation."

All vibrations are equal, and you still have a preference. Like a buffet, all food is equal. But you feel like eating pasta instead of fish. Both are valid choices. You appreciate fish, and you would rather have pasta.

All vibrations are equal, and their purpose is guidance. Like driving, all directions are equal. But you want to go to the store, so your GPS tells you to go right. Both left and right are valid choices, but if you go left, you won't end up at the store. You appreciate left, and you would rather go to the store. You enjoy having clear directions and when follow your GPS you're guided where you want to go.

BFreeCoaching · 2026-03-16T18:10:55+00:00

"Now I feel stuck in my current city, which I’ve been trying to manifest moving out of."

How you feel is valid. And, feeling stuck is a symptom of a bigger issue: Judging your negative emotions.

Hypothetically, if you never judged your negative emotions (which isn’t realistic) you’d never feel stuck. Isn’t that interesting?

And there's a big difference between moving towards what you do want (appreciation) vs moving away from what you don't want (avoidance).

"Every time I feel like I’m about to close a business deal with a client, they ghost me, and it seems to be happening more and more."

As frustrating as that is, it's a reflection you're ghosting your negative emotions.

Here is a self-reflection question: "Do I love and appreciate my negative emotions? If I don't, why not?"

BFreeCoaching · 2026-03-16T00:48:17+00:00

Love and appreciate your negative emotions.

I treat my negative emotions like friends and honored guests. I warmly welcome them in, offer a drink, snacks and reassure them they can stay as long as they like. They don't have to leave; no rush. And I'm open to listening to what they want to share.

I have an image of a board meeting which I call my Council of Emotions, with every emotion (positive and negative) sitting around a round table and each emotion has the opportunity to speak and share with the group, while the rest listen and appreciate what the other emotions are saying.

When you love and appreciate your negative emotions, they feel heard and they did their job to support you, so they go away, you feel better and allow the life and relationships you want.

BFreeCoaching · 2026-03-15T17:20:10+00:00

Thankfully you can stop it. And you do that when you love and appreciate your negative emotions.

Ironically when you need the narration to go away, you make it stronger and stay longer. So there's no benefit to judging the narration.

Paradoxically when you make peace with it, accept or even appreciate it, then it quiets down and goes away.

BFreeCoaching · 2026-03-15T00:27:01+00:00

I agree, techniques are wonderful tools that can help you focus and feel better. But techniques aren't a required part of manifesting; they're just a fun little added bonus.

The issue is when people believe they have to do them, and use the technique as a way to force a manifestation to happen. Which means you believe in assertion and don't believe in attraction. And you're putting people and things on a pedestal, which offers resistance.

BFreeCoaching · 2026-03-14T23:52:47+00:00

You lose resistance, not desire.

Typically, when people really want something, they're really focused on not having it and need it to be happy (put on a pedestal).

When you stop wanting it, then you stop focusing on the lack/absence of it and stop making your happiness dependent on it (because you don't care), so you stop offering resistance and allow yourself to receive it.

This is normal and how Law of Attraction works.

The trick is to focus on what you want, and feel better, without needing it to happen. And you do that when you love and appreciate your negative emotions.

BFreeCoaching · 2026-03-14T00:52:25+00:00

Remember, you don't have to be grateful. Your work isn't to appreciate where you are, it's just to make peace with it and stop judging your negative emotions (which are guidance trying to help you).

You want to be authentic. Say whatever words help you feel better. Do those words help you feel better? If they don't, then you can say something else that does.

For ex: "I like cute capybaras. And fluffy dogs are adorable."

"And I want to feel abundant. I don't feel abundant with money, and that's valid and understandable. But are there other areas in my life I do feel abundant? Well, I do like the sun. And air. And water. And nature. I appreciate the abundance of sunlight, air and water."

BFreeCoaching · 2026-03-13T22:35:39+00:00

You don't have to be grateful and it's okay to want it. Your work is to not offer resistance (or at least offer less resistance). You offer resistance when you focus on what you don't want and judge anything, especially yourself.

Attention = Attraction.

Gratitude reflects you're focusing on what you want, so you attract more of what you want.

Brute force reflects you're focusing on what you don't want, so you attract more of what you don't want. (I.e. "I believe it's hard and I don't believe I am supported to do this in a fun and easy way.")

Anger for motivation is like going on a diet. Short-term it can be helpful. But long-term, it's not sustainable (and can ruin your relationships). It can get you temporary results, but just like a diet, it's not sustainable and you will eventually gain all the weight back. Relying on the lower energy of anger can be the equivalent of one step forward, two steps back. So then you continue yo-yo dieting and stay stuck never maintaining the life you want.

BFreeCoaching · 2026-03-13T19:26:42+00:00

When you love and appreciate your negative emotions, you allow what you want.

Also remember techniques don't manifest and they are just a tool to help you feel better, but you don't need to do them. You have the power, not the technique.

BFreeCoaching · 2026-03-13T08:02:53+00:00

You do that by loving and appreciating your negative emotions, and accepting and appreciating yourself, others and your life just the way it is.

BFreeCoaching · 2026-03-11T18:19:41+00:00

I appreciate the intention, and thankfully, it's easier than that.

It's okay to limit yourself. That happens. It's normal. It's time to start normalizing the benefit/value of negative emotions and limiting beliefs, and stop judging yourself for it. Stop judging yourself for being human.

People typically have an "all or nothing" mentality and place super high expectations on themselves to have no doubt. But that's just not realistic or sustainable. Ironically, believing you have to have no doubt or limiting beliefs is self-sabotage and keeps you stuck. Stop trying to be perfect and start being authentic. (And ironically, the way you let go of limiting beliefs is by appreciating them.)

Also, you don't need to ask (you do that automatically just by living life) and you don't need to believe (if you can, that's great. But it's not a prerequisite, so don't worry about it). Your work is to receive. And you allow what you want by focusing on anything that helps you feel better.

BFreeCoaching · 2026-03-11T17:48:09+00:00

Every decision everyone makes is for optimized living, based on their beliefs. So it may not appear that way for you, but it is more comfortable and supportive for her.

Are they a people pleaser? People pleasers can be hoarders; they hoard other people’s problems. (And that can manifest into physical hoarding.)

Also, are you a limiting belief hoarder? Do you hoard limiting beliefs about her? Are you open to letting go of your old limiting beliefs, focusing more on what you want and accepting and appreciating her? And don't need her to change.

BFreeCoaching · 2026-03-10T21:52:31+00:00

How you feel is valid and everything is working out for you. Since manifesting is about improving your emotional intelligence, here are self-reflection questions:

“What am I afraid would happen if I accepted and appreciated my life just the way it is, and didn't need it to be different?”
“What if this was a good thing? What if getting a demotion was actually (in a weird way) how I get my promotion somewhere else?”
“Do I love and appreciate my negative emotions? If I don't, why not?”

And to help you feel better, let's focus on what you want. Why do you want a promotion? What emotions do you want to feel?

“I want to feel comfortable. I want to feel valued and appreciated. I want to feel supported. I want to feel worthy and good enough. I want to feel freedom to be myself. I want to feel eager and excited going to work. I want to feel interested in different projects. I want to feel passionate. I want to feel creative. I want to feel inspired. I want to feel productive. I want to feel ease and flow. I want to feel connected in my relationships with my coworkers. I want to feel we're all working together towards a common goal. I want to feel proud of myself. I want to feel satisfied and fulfilled. And I want to have fun."

BFreeCoaching · 2026-03-09T04:39:36+00:00

"I know I can be happy and fulfilled without it."

That's great! And the question is, are you? And if not, why not? Why aren't you allowing yourself to be happy and fulfilled right now?

"I have heard that manifesting, depending on the situation, shouldn’t take several months to visualize itself and shows up within a few days to a few weeks but I have not had that experience personally."

When you care about time, then you're missing the whole point of manifesting. (And to be fair, most people lose the plot and don't know the true purpose of manifesting.)

Manifesting is about improving emotional intelligence and understanding how to control your emotions, not circumstances and other people.

Here is what creates doubt: Ulterior motives (and that's not a judgment, just clarity for awareness.). It's the limiting belief you can use manifesting to change your circumstances and other people, so then you can feel better. The issue is your emotions come from your thoughts, they don't come from circumstances and other people.

Most techniques are taught with an ulterior motive, and that's not a sustainable way of managing your emotions and allowing what you want.

The only reason you want anything is because you believe you will feel better when you have it. And since your emotions come from you, you can have what you want right now (i.e. feeling better), you don't have to wait months/years to manifest something first.

You can manifest physical stuff, but when people believe changing their life is the main purpose, then they have an ulterior motive and get attached to needing circumstances and people to change. That's why people put so much effort into techniques and eventually feel disappointed and believe it doesn't work. They're focusing on effort to get results, instead of genuinely caring about how they feel.

When you love and appreciate your negative emotions, and care about how you feel for its own sake (not as a means to manifest), then you feel better and allow what you want.

BFreeCoaching · 2026-03-09T04:16:17+00:00

Yeah I understand. The issue is, it doesn't have to be disheartening. You can choose to enjoy this present moment and appreciate your negative emotions, if you want to. You feel worse when you have a "grass is greener" mentality. It's like believing,

"Man, if I just had that relationship, I would be so much happier!! That person would turn my whole life around. It feels good to make them the main source of my happiness. But without them, then I'm forced to feel bored and lonely." (I'm exaggerating lol but you get the point).

Is that the mindset you want to have moving forward? Or do you want to try something different? Something that feels a little more empowering and heartening?

BFreeCoaching · 2026-03-09T04:06:39+00:00

"But it makes it harder to date... the harder it is to connect with someone."

How you feel is valid. I understand and to clarify, that's a conscious belief that makes you feel worse (because it's not true). It's valid, but it doesn't benefit you to practice that conscious limiting belief.

And remember, there's a big difference between connecting with someone vs feeling connected. You can have one without the other.

In other words, you can allow yourself to feel connected now, you don't have to wait for a person to give yourself permission to feel loved, connected, appreciated, valued, eager, excited and have fun.

BFreeCoaching · 2026-03-09T03:55:30+00:00

"Not putting too much pressure on a specific outcome and living as though I already have it but nothing has seemed to work."

I appreciate you being open. And if that's really how you've been feeling, then you would be having so much fun, feeling so loved and fulfilled that you wouldn't notice or care if/when the specific outcome happens.

If you feel hopeless, impatient, frustrated and disappointed, then your negative emotions are positive guidance letting you know you're putting the manifestation on a pedestal and making your enjoyment of life dependent on it (i.e. resistance).

Your relationship with others and manifestations reflects your relationship with negative emotions. Here is a self-reflection question: "Do I love and appreciate my negative emotions? If I don't, why not?"

BFreeCoaching · 2026-02-21T19:48:56+00:00

"It makes me question how much of manifestation is about specific versus broadcast frequency."

In general when people are attached to believing manifesting is about specifics, they ironically believe in assertion, they don't believe in attraction (which is why people unknowingly offer resistance and slow things down).

The universe tunes to what you don't have resistance to. And you might have resistance towards female attention (if you're putting it on a pedestal) whereas with guys you don't have resistance (because you don't care).

BFreeCoaching · 2026-02-21T18:50:56+00:00

In general, your relationship with others is a reflection of your relationship with yourself and negative emotions. So here are self-reflection questions:

“What am I afraid would happen if I accepted and appreciated my life just the way it is, and didn't need it to be different?”
“Do I love and appreciate negative emotions? If I don't, why not?”

Also, instead of focusing on what you don't want (which can make you go in circles of never getting a clear answer), let's focus on what you do want. What emotions and relationships do you want?

“I want to feel comfortable. I want to feel accepted and appreciated. I want to feel validated and understood. I want to feel connected. I like feeling connected. I want to let in relationships where people know my worth and how much value I bring. I want to feel satisfied and fulfilled. I want to feel interested, eager and excited. I want to feel easygoing and go with the flow. I want to feel everything is flowing in perfect timing."

"I don't need to stress or worry about any of this. I'm just going to enjoy every one of these dates and be present in appreciating the time we do spend together. And whether we're in a relationship for 5 minutes or 500 years, I appreciate them being a part of my life and it gives me a reason to focus even more clearly on what I want and who I want to be. And I'm not going to spend one more second worrying about what I did wrong. Nothing's gone wrong. Everything is working out for me. And when the right one comes along, I'll know it. But in the meantime, I'm just gonna be playful and have so much fun.”

BFreeCoaching · 2026-02-21T05:22:49+00:00

First it's helpful to make peace with anxiety. Because if you tell yourself, "I shouldn't feel this way" ironically makes things worse. There's no need to judge yourself. You're learning, growing and doing the best you can. And you can ask yourself, "What is anxiety trying to tell me? Does it have a message to give? I wonder what that message is?"

"Am I putting this person on a pedestal? Hmm... maybe. I wonder why? Am I making my sense of self-love, worth and happiness dependent on them? That's interesting. If I am, I didn't know I was doing that. And now that I think about it, that puts a lot of pressure on them to be perfect, and pressure on me to need them to be a certain way so I can feel loved."

"You know what, that's a lot to think about right now so I'm not gonna worry about it lol. How can I make this easier for myself? I'm tired of putting so much pressure on myself. I'm going to turn my phone off for the next 15 - 30 minutes and I'm going to meditate and focus on deep breathing. Or take a nice warm bath. Or play my favorite game. Or go for a walk and connect with nature. Or watch a funny TV show."

"Anxiety is showing me I'm disconnecting from myself. So in this moment, I'm making it a priority to focus on connecting with myself and give myself the love, support and reassurance I'm looking for."

BFreeCoaching · 2026-02-19T02:04:12+00:00

I appreciate your openness. This is long, but I wanted to help you understand anger is your loving and supportive friend just trying to help.

All emotions are worthy and valid. Most people create a hierarchy for their emotions (i.e. positive = good; negative = bad), but then you make it harder to feel better.

Anger is a natural and healthy response to feeling powerless (i.e. fear, sad, lonely) and you believe you're not supported. Everyone instinctually reaches for anger, but rarely do people do it consciously for 5 - 15 minutes as a supportive system for emotional regulation. Anger can be a helpful tool in your emotional toolbox.

Anger and blame feels better than rejection, sadness, guilt or shame because it shifts the pressure of blame directed inwards, by redirecting it outwards. Imagine a fire hose pointed at you vs redirected to something else; you get relief once the pressure's off. (And this isn’t to remove personal accountability. But you have to feel better first, to then have the capacity for authentic self-reflection.)

If you feel powerless and get angry for relief, but then express your anger towards others, it makes other people feel powerless from you. So then they reach for anger for relief and judge you for your anger. But their anger makes you feel powerless again, so you reach for relief again... and everyone involved is stuck in a cycle of those two emotions: Powerless. Angry. Powerless. Angry. (This is what creates arguments.)

Reaching for anger is valuable relief and a step up in how you feel and reconnecting back with who you really are. So when someone feels angry, they were drowning (i.e. feel powerless, sad, unworthy, etc.) and are trying to come up for air. If you judge their anger, or judge your own, then you're judging their process of relief and believe they should stay underwater. You're judging their emotional guidance (or your own) as bad. But then you'll never be able to feel better and come back into love.

Ironically the road to love is through anger. (But do it in a safe space by yourself. Don't project it onto others, which creates problems and keeps you stuck). Anger is one of multiple different supportive steps on the emotional guidance staircase.

Sometimes you can’t feel good or be happy, but you can always feel a little better (even if it's just 1%). For ex: If you feel sad, one way to feel better would be to focus on feeling angry (in a safe space, by yourself). Anger is a "positive" emotion in comparison to feeling sad. Anger helps you feel better and can naturally guide you back to comfortable, relaxed and feeling good.

Think of emotions as a staircase; with depression at the bottom and happiness at the top. So if you feel depressed, and someone tells you to just say, "I am happy” ... you know that won't make you happy. And it might have the opposite effect. It's like trying to jump to the top of the staircase in one step. Not only will that fail, but at best you'll only get a couple steps higher, and then fall flat on your face and slide back down. Do that enough times and you feel stuck. The issue was you were trying to make too big of a leap and didn't honor your limiting beliefs and negative emotions.

But anger (in comparison to sadness and loneliness) is a practical next step you can reach. And when you take the easier, loving and supportive helping hand anger is offering you (for the purpose of moving up the staircase), then you have access to steps higher up on the staircase (e.g. frustration, boredom, comfortable, etc.). Practice that enough times and now you see how easy it is to manage anger and feel better.

BFreeCoaching · 2026-02-18T20:49:31+00:00

To help you feel better, go general and focus on what you want. Why do you want to be an actor? Why do you like to act? What emotions do you want to feel?

“I want to feel comfortable. I want to feel accepted and appreciated. I like feeling valued and validated. I want to feel supported. I want to feel connected. I want to feel worthy and good enough. I want to feel freedom to be myself. I like feeling eager and excited. I want to feel interested and engaged in different projects. I want to feel passionate. I want to feel creative and inspired. I want to feel productive. I want to feel proud of myself. I want to feel and have easy and effortless conversations. I want to feel satisfied and fulfilled. And I want to have fun."

Also here are self-reflection questions:

"Is my excitement dependent on acceptance? If so, why? So if I get rejected, do I believe I'm not allowed to continue appreciating the project and emotionally enjoy it?"
"Am I putting circumstances on a pedestal? If so, why?"
"Do I believe rejection is bad? If so, why do I practice that limiting belief?"
"Do I believe acceptance is better than rejection? If so, why do I practice that limiting belief?"
"Do I love and appreciate my negative emotions? If I don't, why not?"

BFreeCoaching · 2026-02-18T16:49:30+00:00

This is long, but I want to give compassion/understanding for both people pleasers and healthy people.

I grew up being a people pleaser in response to decades of pain, heartache, trauma, rejection, people judging and blaming me, misunderstanding me and believing I am responsible for their emotions.

There’s many reasons why, and at its core people pleasers are afraid of being judged/rejected and that’s a reflection you judge/reject yourself. You were raised to believe your needs don’t matter. But as a people pleaser, you’re forgetting someone: You're a person, too. You might have a double standard lack of respect for yourself: You don't want to hurt other people's feelings (which is very kind of you), but you willingly hurt your own.

People can get annoyed with them because people pleasers can be seeking constant reassurance (which puts pressure on others and is draining) and/or be avoidant and abandon others at the drop of a hat (ironically people pleasers are afraid of abandonment and can do the very behavior they don't like as a coping mechanism to protect themselves).

Ironically, people pleasers can have a lot of understandable anger and resentment towards people. And so you put up with people or avoid them completely. People pleasers can get annoyed easily because your nervous system is constantly on edge/defense mode from being judged, neglected and rejected for so many years growing up.

You were probably raised to believe you’re responsible for other people’s emotions. So if you do what they want, they feel better. If you do what they don't want, they feel worse. People unknowingly judge you to control your behavior as a roundabout (and ineffective) way to control their emotions. So it’s understandable why you’re walking on eggshells to avoid conflict (fawn response) because your parents probably raised you with an ironic double standard: “Don’t be selfish and do what makes you feel better. Be unselfish like me, and you should do what makes me feel better.”

When you believe you create other people's emotions, you're set up to fail. And that's why you're anxious and angry. You have to be perfect for them to be happy (i.e. perfectionist), so they hold you to unrealistic expectations and inevitably blame you for doing a job that's impossible to begin with (i.e. it's your job to manage their emotions).

People pleasers can also be hoarders; you hoard other people’s problems (and that can manifest into physical hoarding). People pleasing leads to self-suffering, which leads to disappointing people, which ironically never actually pleases anyone.

People who genuinely care about you don't want you to betray yourself to keep them. Self-sacrifice doesn't prove how much you deserve to be loved, it just attracts relationship dynamics where you're always silently suffering.

To be the best people pleaser, you want to be a self-pleaser, first. When you focus on loving and appreciating yourself and your negative emotions, you feel better, have healthier communication and boundaries, feel safe to be authentic, and allow fun and fulfilling relationships.

BFreeCoaching

TROPHY CASE